Not allowed to have GC views at home by so-called “DH “ - so left ! Hand hold please ….

[HowdidImanagetohavetwoaccountaandthenloseboth]

We had a row today so right now I am lying in bed in a nearby hotel having left .

Background
We have an adult autistic daughter who lives with us gradually being indoctrinated online by trans views . She changed her name several years ago outside the home . She has become increasingly pro trans ideas, To be honest I am terrified she will start purchasing hormones online to attempt to create a pre pubescent self to compliment her desire to be pan sexual .

DH is very conflict adverse . He wants to stifle any of my GC views for fear of upsetting DD . With the result of course that all she is exposed to is the clap trap she accesses online.
He himself appears to be GC or at least occasionally agrees with me so seems so . He’s a live and key live sort of character.

That would be fine if we weren’t experiencing the effects of it. I hate the way it is affecting our lives and sometimes I can’t help exclaiming at something which riles me like today , when I saw one of his works instructions regarding email signatures . Very trans as you might gather.

So I exclaimed something and was immediately silenced . He says it’s affecting his mental health .

I couldn’t stand it any longer , not being allowed to say anything , being stifled , any views I have pushed to the side lest they upset someone .

I caught the train and here I am . Brought enough medication for 24 hours . I have sent him an email after I got here setting out why I was upset but haven’t had a reply .

You have had an extreme reaction to this I have to say. Why are you in a hotel?

He agrees with you a lot of the time and it seems he's having a gentler approach. Which is better when dealing with teenagers and rebellion. If you are forceful with your opinions then you are likely to tip the balance the otherway

He is entitled to his views as much as you are entitled yours and daughter is entitled to hers.

You are dealing with a hormonal teenager and you've stropped off to a hotel which is unhelpful

100% this.

Personally in our household we operate under the principle that we don’t all have to have the same views on everything, but we do all have to be respectful of one another’s views.

I must admit, I think stropping off to a hotel over a work email your husband has sent is a bit ridiculous. If nothing else you have no idea what his workplace is like and if it’s something to do with his email signature then it may be something they have been asked/told to include across the board.

Your only way forward is open communication but for that to be possible it does have to go both ways, which means you expressing your views, your daughter expressing hers, and your husband expressing his. You can’t just storm out when somebody disagrees with you.

You are dealing with a hormonal teenager
OP has said that the 'hormonal teenager' is in her late twenties.

It’s so tricky because you need to support your child.
You need to sit down and have an honest conversation about this with your DH.

With Autism so usually less emotionally developed

I am sure in any OP there are bits some of us might disagree with, but surely if you are reply to someone, and presuming to lecture them, you should at least read the whole message.

So I exclaimed something and was immediately silenced. He says it’s affecting his mental health .

I couldn’t stand it any longer, not being allowed to say anything, being stifled, any views I have pushed to the side lest they upset someone .

Or is it now acceptable on FWR to imply that women shouldn't have their own opinions, let alone be so presumptive as to think they have a right to articulate them, when (as explained in the OP) you have been silenced and guilt tripped.

Why is it the woman who is supposed to accommodate the male.

Why isn't the man expected to make the effort.

Why isn't he allowed to express his feelings ? Shes affecting his mental health. Its ok for him to tell her or do you think he should put up and shut up?

I don't think that removing yourself from a situation so that you can calm down and think clearly is "stropping off".

What did you exclaim?

I do think there is a careful line between supporting your daughter to the extent it encourages her to transition, and the opposite which alienated her and pushes her to extremes.

Your husband sounds caught in the middle of it.

I find Gender:A Wider Lens podcast very informative and helpful. It is designed to empower parents just like yourselves.

A very unempathic post.

The OP is dealing with what must feel like a marital crisis that have been triggered by a perceived deep lack of support from her husband over her great alarm for her daughter.

That is what it might look like on the surface to a stranger; but only the OP knows the temeperature and nature of her marital relationship and the stresses she feels under. She must have felt at crisis point to have done such a thing.

Sounds like he might be the sort of person who doesn't express feelings easily or openly, and cannot talk about conflicts in a relationship. People who try to avoid conflict at all costs are often unable to openly discuss those conflicts.

I have also wondered whether he too may be on the autistic spectrum ( it is often an inherited condition) Sounds like my husband.

Hi OP

Hope you are doing okay. And hope that fact that some poster's seem to think your husband's mental health should take priority over yours.

Is there someone who could act as an intermediary so that he can recognise that his behaviour is silencing you.

If he is worried that somehow him listening to you would make your DD think he too is the "enemy" then could he at least agree that the two of you could take take out away from home and talk about your concerns. Hopefully he is as concerned about your as about her.

Anyhow, just really posting to say I hope your hotel break gave you a chance to re-charge your batteries.

OP, I saw this n a thread here not long ago. I wonder if it might help.

“Autism, Puberty, Gender Dysphoria. View from an Autistic Desisted Woman”

https://4w.pub/autism-puberty-gender-dysphoria-view-from-an-autistic-desisted-woman/

Here is a general overview from Transgender Trend
https://www.transgendertrend.com/autism-gender-identity-introduction/

I am so sorry for what you are going through right now, and for how your daughter has got sucked in by TRA.