Not allowed to have GC views at home by so-called “DH “ - so left ! Hand hold please ….

[HowdidImanagetohavetwoaccountaandthenloseboth]

We had a row today so right now I am lying in bed in a nearby hotel having left .

Background
We have an adult autistic daughter who lives with us gradually being indoctrinated online by trans views . She changed her name several years ago outside the home . She has become increasingly pro trans ideas, To be honest I am terrified she will start purchasing hormones online to attempt to create a pre pubescent self to compliment her desire to be pan sexual .

DH is very conflict adverse . He wants to stifle any of my GC views for fear of upsetting DD . With the result of course that all she is exposed to is the clap trap she accesses online.
He himself appears to be GC or at least occasionally agrees with me so seems so . He’s a live and key live sort of character.

That would be fine if we weren’t experiencing the effects of it. I hate the way it is affecting our lives and sometimes I can’t help exclaiming at something which riles me like today , when I saw one of his works instructions regarding email signatures . Very trans as you might gather.

So I exclaimed something and was immediately silenced . He says it’s affecting his mental health .

I couldn’t stand it any longer , not being allowed to say anything , being stifled , any views I have pushed to the side lest they upset someone .

I caught the train and here I am . Brought enough medication for 24 hours . I have sent him an email after I got here setting out why I was upset but haven’t had a reply .

This is really difficult for you, I can imagine. Luckily, my DH is GC too but doesn’t voice it as much as I do. I can imagine your DH feels a bit stuck between you and his DD. Does your DD know how you feel about it all?

@Pifflepafflewifflewaffle

Well that is such a nasty judgy thing to say, your user name suits you.

She does now sadly !I was upset before I left and she saw .

I wish I could suggest how to cope with this, but I honestly don't know.

Does your DH realise how close your DD is to perhaps doing something that could destroy her physical (and mental) health if she continues down this route?

That she might actually begin wearing a binder, or even have surgery, destroying her healthy body?

And how horribly it would affect her if she does, and then later realises that she has made a dreadful and irreversible mistake?

It is worth getting some real-life account (eg Keira Bell's) for him to read so that he can see how vulnerable people with autism are to this seductive cult that promises them so much- "follow us and life will suddenly become easy as you become your authentic self" - and yet actually gives so little?

I feel for you - I can't imagine how distressed you must be.

The balanced and non-judgemental parent is the one currently sleeping in a hotel.

The one at home is the cowardly indulgent one who will do anything for a quiet, non-confrontational life.

Refusing to face difficulties is not mature parenting.

I think potentially allowing your DD to sterilise herself to avoid conflict is fairly weak parenting and he needs to think carefully about whether he's prepared to have the conflict now - or after she realises what she's been enabled to do (should the worst case scenario happen).

Send him details of what happens to these girls medically and surgically. Include health and MH outcomes of girls who have been ‘socially’ transitioned onto those who have gone the medical route - a lifelong patient. Ask if that’s what he wants for his child.

thanks , have you got any links you could let me have ?

He's able to adopt a "live and let live" approach because so far nothing has challenged his own rights and privileges. He's able to ignore /avoid this issue because it IS marginal to him. Until now. Until your strength of feeling and insistence on this being an issue
That matters, has intruded on his home comforts and his easy sense of self as a loving supportive dad to your DD.
He's no different to far too many "nice" men. It's easy to be "nice" when the price of being "not nice" is always, always paid by the other person. I'm so sorry I have no advice. You must be suffering. I'm sorry

@HowdidImanagetohavetwoaccountaandthenloseboth
Get your dh to watch this video.
twitter.com/Kearns_Richard_/status/1680188067989057538?t=ZlluXdNV0XTKwmB7cOb7og&s=19

Detransitioner talking about the damage caused by binders.
twitter.com/detransaqua/status/1661177772016820225?t=h5B5CDaZPfWMSM7uec0HLQ&s=19

This takes a strong stomach. It includes a photo of a phalloplasty arm.
twitter.com/KaeleyT/status/1641830373704478720?t=Z__wxATxpqQyFOCWHtGh4Q&s=19

I just felt sick watching that first video . Stomached about 10 minutes then had to stop .

@HowdidImanagetohavetwoaccountaandthenloseboth

I think you do need a breather from your DH, and the situation, mine is a conflict avoider too. Great dad mind you.

it seems from what you say that this has been going on for some time and DH has stifled your concerns and made you hold back.

all i can think to say is re group yourself, put your big tiger mother pants on and stop being conflict avoidant.

Genspect is the place you may want to start. Have a look at the web site tonight and chose a video that you feel you can get your daughter to watch with you, you know her, and where she is at.

Take some time. There's conversations about your relationship with your dh, and there's continuing conversations with your adult daughter. But for now, take some rest, and do the next bit on your schedule.

Another really sad one to show your husband.

This young woman thought she was trans and had a double mascetomy.
The photos are of her bottle feeding her newborn and crying because she couldn't even try breastfeeding.
twitter.com/DaisyIsNotHere/status/1756510498009276896?t=QUZ-Kol5phXsgkiOhaJoRQ&s=19

Yes nominative determinism at it finest there.

Sorry that you're having a such a tough time.
In my opinion you and your husband need to sit down and talk it through. Work out a stance that accomodates both of you. Agree it and then present it as a united front. While you two are in conflict you won't be able to help your daughter and be there for her when she needs you both.
I hope things work out for all three of you.

I am not sure I have anything useful to say but wanted to let you know that you taking a breather is really good.

If gives you a bit of space and time to be yourself.

And hopefully it will make your DH start to think about how his behaviour is impacting on you.

Do you have any friends or relatives you can talk to who will be supportive of your concerns about your DD?

I hope your hotel stay is calm and comforting.

Hi Op, some good advice for you to consider here.
Good to step back and have some space.
I hope you get a great night's sleep and feel stronger in the morning.

Sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate, OP. I'm really sorry.

I hope you get a good rest and a break, and are refreshed tomorrow.

I understand that you are very worried about your daughter, and your relationship.
But I hope you are able to also give yourself some time, space, and consideration.

“Let not any one pacify his conscience by the delusion that he can do no harm if he takes no part, and forms no opinion. Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing. He is not a good man who, without a protest, allows wrong to be committed in his name, and with the means which he helps to supply, because he will not trouble himself to use his mind on the subject.”

John Stuart Mill

I am not sure that sending him a slew of videos is the best approach.

What you really need to do, IMO, is for the two of you to talk really openly about what you are thinking about this.

I think it will help a lot if you are able to articulate your fears and concerns to him in a fairly simple way.

But also, remember that he is not very likely trying to put your daughter in harms way. He is coming from a place where he likely has different information that you do, and he may have other worries, see other risks. There is a good chance he is also scared about bad things happening to her.

If I were to guess his worries may be around things like self-harm, he may be more unsure about what's really at the root of the problem so more worried about it being truly about gender identity, he has likely heard all the rhetoric about self-harm. He also may be really worried that if you guys push on this, she might cut you off.

So to me, you both need, in a calm way (hard I know!) to talk about what you think is really going on and the dangers.

A well chosen examlpe or film is a great idea as part of that, maybe while you atr talking to show him where you are coming from, but not a load of articles and links, it's too overwhelming and may feel like scaremongering.