Feeling really low after being honest

[Notfeelingitwasworthit]

Training today. Gender identity. I was dreading it. Just keep your head down, I thought, don't say anything.
Then the subject of safe spaces came up and the presenter (they/them) said well it's actually not a problem at all, there are no statistics which show that sexual offences occur on hospital wards or in domestic abuse shelters and the other women are also really cool with it so it's not a problem at all!
I just said that this wasn't really accurate, we know women don't report sexual assaults or inappropriate behaviour, especially not if they think they're going to be labelled as transphobic, and women are constantly told to put up and shut up, so that labelled with the fear of being labelled a bigot OF COURSE won't mean they answer truthfully.
Obviously I was set upon. I tried to stand my ground but people kept going. Not just to my face but with snide comments throughout the rest of the day. I would join a room, everyone would stop talking. Even my closest contacts said 'well maybe you just shouldn't say it' and 'they do have a point'.

It just feels so lonely. It feels like you have a choice between being true to what you believe and having friends. Two of my closet friends would disown me if they knew.
Do I have to lie forever?

From this:

Myth 3: “I’m treating everyone the same, so I’ve met the general duty.”

Like other anti-discrimination laws, the general duty does not require you to treat everyone the same. In fact, sometimes, you should treat protected characteristics differently. For example, some authorities treat disabled users more favourably than non-disabled users, or provide women-only services for victims of sexual or domestic violence.

Thank you @Notfeelingitwasworthit for being so brave.

So these stats are infuriating

Yes they are and quite frankly gaslighting.

It's more important to be right than to be popular.

This is August Landmesser, a man not giving the Nazi salute in a crowd of people giving the Nazi salute.

I admire your courage OP. Hopefully some of your colleagues who kept quiet will offer you support. What kind of organisation do you work for, private or public sector ? I would look at your workplace guidelines on bullying and harrassment.

I absolutely agree with you here! Good for you for speaking out. It's about time this was challenged and like someone else said, some people may have remained quiet, but you will have made them think ❤

@Notfeelingitwasworthit

just a few thoughts.

you spoke the truth

people who heard you know you spoke the truth

some of the people who heard you are sadly captured and in denial, but many of the others will be thinking over what you said, and next time they might have the courage to stand with you, speak up and agree with you, or maybe even express their own truth in another situation. You speaking up has probably lit a few flames, the more people who speak up the brighter those flames will grow.

some of the people who heard you are sadly captured and in denial but that doesn’t mean that they can’t change, and if they hear it enough times then eventually it will sink in. Mighty oaks from acorns etc.

keeping silent will never change things, it is because people have been bullied into silence that this madness has taken hold and spread. Every time someone speaks out then it is a pushback against the crazy.

Thankyou for your bravery.

Also meant to add , some people know the whole situation is wrong but find it hard to articulate why because they are confused by the rhetoric of being kind and the false information put about, hearing someone setting out the reality and the dangers gives them both the language and the argument that they can use.

Right, so being involved with the groups setting out which beliefs are prioritised might help stop that issue at the source.

And this is what was coming to my mind. The use of propaganda to target the Jews uses the exact same basis & techniques as the trans lobby.

I just refuse to deal with any organisation which uses bullying, death threats & violence to further their cause- don’t care what the actual issue is.

Well done OP. The first time I spoke up at work I couldn't stop shaking. But over time more and more people have come to me and said they agree with me. There will have been people who agreed with you and were secretly grateful, and others for whom you've planted a seed. The true believers you won't be able to get through to, and there's no point in trying, but you will have reached many others with your bravery. Thank you for speaking up for vulnerable women and girls.

Interesting. So should I join the Muslim working group and the Christian working group as well just to make sure I can head off their beliefs being foisted on us as true? I am sure I would be welcome to go and say ‘I think what you believe is harmful’ but at the same time I guess these groups are not trying to force their beliefs on the rest of us through laws. It would also seem to be a little uncouth to join such a group.

I don’t mean to be hurtful but you telling me you don’t feel male or female is utterly meaningless. I can get the ‘I don’t feel I fit into a stereotype’ but most of us don’t. If you believe that you are some as yet undefined ‘gender’ and that gender is different to sex then good for you. Just dont force me in any way to buy into what I think is a harmful delusion. Gone are the days when people were told to be happy in their own skin it seems.

I find a good tactic here is to present things as questions.

"Do you think the general climate around these issues could mean women who aren't comfortable don't feel able to speak up?"

"Has there been any actual research on how women feel or are we all jumping to conclusions from our own beliefs?"

I've managed to get a couple of things done at work through a softly-softly approach. We shouldn't have to but if it means the end result is achieved then I'm OK with it.

Well done OP. I can't believe the trainer was allowed to just state blatant lies as true.

Even outside of this particular issue, that's not just unprofessional isn't it fraudulent?

Is it ok to just lie in a work setting now? Shall I just tell my boss I've done all my work whilst not doing it?

Thank you OP. For doing the difficult thing and paving a way for others to speak up. x

@jm9138 Interesting. So should I join the Muslim working group and the Christian working group as well just to make sure I can head off their beliefs being foisted on us as true? I am sure I would be welcome to go and say ‘I think what you believe is harmful’ but at the same time I guess these groups are not trying to force their beliefs on the rest of us through laws. It would also seem to be a little uncouth to join such a group.

In this country, in this era, religious belief is not enforced on others by law. But you only need to look at Iran or Afghanistan to see what can happen. Or, historically, the crusades or the Spanish Inquisition. Of course, it is debatable how much of the laws and oppression in those instances is due strictly to religious belief, and how much of it uses religion as an excuse.

Indeed but that is the point really. In this country we had won the right to say believe what you want but I don’t have to go along with it. Until now.

Thanks @WarriorN I will read with interest. There is now so much misinformation floating around thanks to SW and their ilk.

Thank you @Notfeelingitwasworthit for being brave. I have several family members who need are in need of people like you. I have girls in my family who are severely traumatised and cannot even queue for toilets together with men, never mind using cubicles next to men. I also have a girl in my family who has seizures and for whom full length cubicle doors are a health risk, so this often suggested solution is none. Plus there ARE statistics that 90% of all sex attacks take place in mixed sex changing rooms. I assume the presenter forget to mention that... https://fairplayforwomen.com/unisex-changing-rooms-put-women-in-danger/

I just wanted to chime in and say thank you too.

I feel too tired and like the battle is already lost with all the gender identity BS that is being ‘normalised’. I feel scared for my kids and already see their confusion which sadly will become their norm.

Am sure you will look back on this moment with pride, Op.
Thank you and well done.

How incredible that we are blessed with Dr Hilary Cass's friend and protégé on this very thread!

I think you have probably misunderstood what I have said. I have no idea about your religious beliefs and I didn't say I don't feel male or female. I am female. I'll leave it there so as not to derail.

My apologies if I misinterpreted what you were saying.