Feeling really low after being honest

[Notfeelingitwasworthit]

Training today. Gender identity. I was dreading it. Just keep your head down, I thought, don't say anything.
Then the subject of safe spaces came up and the presenter (they/them) said well it's actually not a problem at all, there are no statistics which show that sexual offences occur on hospital wards or in domestic abuse shelters and the other women are also really cool with it so it's not a problem at all!
I just said that this wasn't really accurate, we know women don't report sexual assaults or inappropriate behaviour, especially not if they think they're going to be labelled as transphobic, and women are constantly told to put up and shut up, so that labelled with the fear of being labelled a bigot OF COURSE won't mean they answer truthfully.
Obviously I was set upon. I tried to stand my ground but people kept going. Not just to my face but with snide comments throughout the rest of the day. I would join a room, everyone would stop talking. Even my closest contacts said 'well maybe you just shouldn't say it' and 'they do have a point'.

It just feels so lonely. It feels like you have a choice between being true to what you believe and having friends. Two of my closet friends would disown me if they knew.
Do I have to lie forever?

Don’t feel bad. All they have is shame and vagueness.

90% of assaults in changing rooms occur in mixed sex.

Remind your boss that if anything does go wrong, that trainer will run off, the training company will do a midnight flit, your team will deny any responsibility and the company (ie your boss) will be on the hook for any issues, injuries allegations resulting from poor advice.

Not only do you have your Forstater rights, OP, and the right not to be subjected to a hostile working environment, but additionally one of the references in the Shahrah Ali judgement today from Judge Hellman is to 'obliging a person to manifest a belief which he does not hold has been held to be a limitation on his article 9(1) rights'. The 9 (1) refers to the The Human Rights Act 'freedom of thought and belief'.

And as pp have said, it's up to these trainers to evidence their claims with data. Keep asking for the data.

You told them what you really think and they told you how appropriate they consider those views to be.

What were you expecting? A pat on the back? A rousing applause?

You told them what you really think and they told you how appropriate they consider those views to be

What exactly is inappropriate about the op's views?
Knowing men aren't women and that making female only spaces available to men with special 'identities' makes actual women less safe?

Only idiots ignore facts and evidence in order to pander to the feelings of this apparently most oppressed and 'vulnerable' subset of men.

An education normally involves an expert, imparting data and information, addressing people’s concerns, maybe a provides a contingency plan of things that may go wrong and how they will be dealt with.

An education where a well meaning amateur tells you to change from a science based system to a belief based system, provides no data to back this up, shames anyone with questions and tells you everything will be fine is utterly pointless.

Well done for not being a sheep.

I think you're a superhero for speaking out and I bet some others thought it but darent say it

I feel you've been extremely badly bullied here. I don't know if you have any opportunity to complain? This but especially:

Then the subject of safe spaces came up and the presenter (they/them) said well it's actually not a problem at all, there are no statistics which show that sexual offences occur on hospital wards or in domestic abuse shelters and the other women are also really cool with it so it's not a problem at all!

Is woefully inaccurate. There are examples and not least that it's well known that mixed sex spaces have higher rates of sexual assault.

Apart from anything, the law is clear on two things:

1/ single sex spaces are lawful when there is a justified reason due to vulnerability.

2/ Your opinion (based on evidence and facts) is also protected in law.

I can understand why you'd not want to take it higher but the org is at risk of serious sex discrimination and potentially not complying with law with the views touted today.

This sounds very like you deny that rape and sexual assault has happened in single sex spaces by males.

Safeguarding is never inappropriate

Have a look at the SexMatters website for advice and factual information for when you talk to your employer. You will feel much better when you have references and accurate info at your fingertips.

The trainer needs to be asked the question:

Why were single sex spaces created in the first place?

Why does the law say they are lawful?

Posting this on the same day there is a report in the press regarding a child who has been raped by a man who says he is a woman? Honestly. How tone deaf.

Well done for speaking up. You will have broken the spell and sowed the seeds of doubt for others who were there. I agree with PPs - put in a complaint about the training, with examples of the abuse and attacks women have experienced and also to counter the cis privilege BS. How many women per year are killed in the UK, how many sexual assaults, how many girls globally were not born or murdered at birth due to their sex? Don't let this trainer or any colleagues have any power over you.

Yes, safeguarding and safeguarding and safeguarding, all day long.

As well as asking such trainers for the data upon which their beliefs and assertions are based, one might also ask to see their Equality Impact Assessment (or equivalent) of how their training requirements will affect one's organisation's existing safeguarding policy.

You aren't alone although I understand why you may feel it. You're in the majority it's just you are brave enough to stick your neck out....mostly it's a silent majority who are too afraid to say anything due to the backlash of being labelled transphobic. We need more people like you OP, so don't beat yourself up. 💐

I'm fairly confident that no one who was attacking you could actually attack the argument you made though. Just try to overwhelm you with shame, guilt and the force of the number of them against you.

I'll bet there were others who agreed with you and I think you were courageous.

That’s frightening and awful op. I’ve found the opposite everytime the subject is tentatively raised I’ve found friends to be GC. I’ve even turned my 15 year old who in a lesson on this last week said women need safe spaces.the other girls all agreed as did the teacher.

This is awful

People have created this madness via the law and look where we are

It’s so bad

Trust me a lot more people agree with you than disagree with you. We live in an orwellian world where everyone is terrified of telling the truth incase they are shamed or ostracised. They all know that transwomen are not women, they know that men present risks to women.

These men wouldn’t be shagging a woman with a penis would they? It’s nice to know they can identify a man when it reeeeaaaallly matters doesn’t it. 🙄. They will keep their own boundaries whilst telling you that you shouldn’t have any, even if those are backed up by statistical fact. Ignore liars, fools and hypocrites, these are not people who’s opinion you should hold in any regard.

Good for you for having a backbone. Speak the truth even if your voice shakes. 💐

indeed the very purpose of these courses is to create a hostile environment for gender critical views, otherwise what is the point of them?

Quite.

I’m sorry, I don’t believe this happened!
There may have been a few people mentioning it afterwards but I bet most people were either supportive or didn’t say anything.

Jesus, the fascism is strong. OP you are so brave, well done for standing up to these vile bullying lying fascists. You are of course absolutely correct the stats DO say more sexual assaults occur when transwomen/males are allowed in with females! The American chainstore Target, for example, switched from female/male changing rooms to "unisex", and the rates of sexual violence increased significantly. Women and girls have been raped by trans-identfying males on both an NHS ward, and in toilets around the globe. A boy has just been raped by a trans-identifying male in Witney Oxford. It doesn't stop. What they are doing to you is also illegal - they can't bully you about your viewpoints, as seen by recent cases won by women hounded out of the jobs for saying TW are NOT w.

Good on you for speaking out. I think a good strategy is to just use facts although it can be hard to recall in the moment. So when they say there are no statistics to show X just clearly state that’s not true and what they are.

You were there were you?

Don't be alone, @Notfeelingitwasworthit
Join the Women's Rights Network. Sometimes it's just so important to have some friends and a shoulder to cry on 💐
https://www.womensrights.network/

Thank you so much for speaking up, OP. I hope I can find the courage if the time comes for me to speak up too.

The men may hold views which are gender critical, but do they actually give a shit or do they not particularly care what happens?

I think most women who keep silent do so out of fear - we’ve all seen what happens when you don’t #bekind.