Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Non binary Teacher year 4

451 replies

1982mommaof4 · 20/01/2024 23:21

Okay not sure if it's me being sensitive...
My daughter is in year 4 juniors and she has a new teacher who identifies as Non binary and has made the class aware of this. She likes this teacher which is great. However, my DD now has questions that to be honest I don't want to answer.
One being do they( daughters words)have what I have or my brother has because they look like a girl but aren't.

Does that mean that some girls aren't girls...

How would you answer these questions, I'm trying to be sensitive and not offensive but I'm finding difficult to not be brutally honest in what I think.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
SavBlancTonight · 20/01/2024 23:38

"The teacher doesn't want to be called she / he and doesn't want to be associated with traditionally male or female things" (you haven't said what the actual sex is so delete as appropriate). "So he/she prefers to be known as "they" (what honorific is used? There's no non gendered version of mr/ms?)

"I think that a girl who wants to do things that aren't traditionally for girls is fine, and the same for boys but some people feel uncomfortable with that, like your teacher. "

To be honest, I'd probably go a lot further as well though and say things like, "but really, she is a woman/he is a man, but sometimes people struggle with that. Its silly though isn't it- why can't a girl like football or a boy like pink?"

DD asked me today if a man can have a baby. I said no. She seemed to think maybe it was true, which I suspect is mixed gender messages she is picking up. I was firm, "no man has ever had a baby. Just like fishes can't breathe in air and.dogs can't talk like humans. Its just not possible."

Original poster
1982mommaof4 · 20/01/2024 23:44

Thank you this is a very clear answer and helpful!!

OP posts:
Woman2023 · 20/01/2024 23:54

I'm finding difficult to not be brutally honest in what I think.

Why not be honest with your daughter? Your daughter deserves truthful answers from her mum. It's not your job to pander to teachers nonsensical beliefs.

Karensalright · 20/01/2024 23:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Doyoumind · 21/01/2024 00:02

It's crazy that you're worried about being honest. The teacher has a sex. They were born that sex and will remain that sex whatever silly word games they make people play.

Haggisfish3 · 21/01/2024 00:03

Gender reassignment is a protected characteristic. School can’t do or say anything.

SoIRejoined · 21/01/2024 00:06

You can't be reassigned a gender of non-binary though? So it isn't a protected characteristic.

WelshSerafina · 21/01/2024 00:08

I think children deserve the truth, otherwise at some stage your daughter would realise her mother lied to her for no good reason other than to go along with the teacher’s wishes. That’s more important here. Honesty doesn’t have to be brutal, just factual.

Perhaps say that her teacher would like to see themself as neither a man or a woman, but that nothing changes the fact that they are actually male or female.

It’s nice that you want to be sensitive and not offend. However, it’s bad enough that these children are being confused by their teacher and encouraged to think you can opt out of being a man or a woman.

What is the headteacher doing? Where is their duty of care to these children?

What comes first here - the teacher’s made up ‘identity’ or telling children the truth? If the teacher is a woman, what message is this sending to the girls in that class?

‘Non binary’ is not a protected characteristic under the Equality Act either before ‘discrimination’ is mentioned.

Sorry, I just don’t think there’s a way to dodge this. It’s not fair on your daughter, or on you.

Mariposistaaa · 21/01/2024 00:09

This type of nonsense has no place in a primary school.

Ellysetta · 21/01/2024 00:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
1982mommaof4 · 21/01/2024 00:16

Agree with you all, I think I just didn't expect to have to discuss this at her age. I just feel it's confusing for her and unnecessary topic for her to even think about at such a young age.

But yes I agree I need to honest, she has asked the questions so I need to answer.

I have emailed the head teacher asking to meet next week to discuss this. My concern is there will be more discussions in class about this, as the children naturally will have questions and ask the teacher. I just don't want this to consume the topic of conversation in the classroom. I also want to know if there will be any assemblies covering the topic.

I really appreciate all your replies

OP posts:
Karensalright · 21/01/2024 00:20

@Ellysetta

to convoluted. How about dear child there are men and there are women and there are confused people.

I am going to the school tomorrow about this

end of

Original poster
1982mommaof4 · 21/01/2024 00:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

THANK YOU 🙏 this is what I want to say but was struggling to find the words. My daughter is emotionally intelligent and I underestimate her, she would really get this and be polite but understand that doesn't mean it's the truth.

OP posts:
WelshSerafina · 21/01/2024 00:27

I feel for you, I really do.
Book that meeting with the headteacher and perhaps write down what you want to ask, as they may try to give you a load of hog wash in there.
Your daughter and the other children should not be pushed into going along with this nonsense though or encouraged to think that someone is neither male nor female. The teacher can imagine and play out whatever he or she likes, but these children are not their support animals.

determinedtomakethiswork · 21/01/2024 00:29

Haggisfish3 · 21/01/2024 00:03

Gender reassignment is a protected characteristic. School can’t do or say anything.

Is it gender reassignment though?

WelshSerafina · 21/01/2024 00:29

No it’s not

Original poster
1982mommaof4 · 21/01/2024 00:32

I'm presuming school we're well aware of this during the recruitment process. I also feel like maybe parents should have been given the heads up.

OP posts:
Lwrenagain · 21/01/2024 00:36

One of my dc (autism and learning disabilities) can't correctly gender anyone. Self included, despite my very obvious female appearance and being you know, mum, he still shouts things like, "he is a big mean stupid head" about me not letting him guzzle prime and inhale sugar. I am dreading the day he gets a non binary or obviously trans teacher, they're in for a world of offence and brutality with him. 🙈

I suppose though teachers who are NB can't expect kids to get it right constantly. Loads of my mates kids went NB over lockdown and now they're all back to their og pronouns and cringe a bit if you say, "Oh there they are!" When you see them now instead of, "here she is", kind of thing.

I wonder how much longevity nb will have in all honesty.

WelshSerafina · 21/01/2024 00:41

Sounds to me like the kids are getting it right.

Pieceofpurplesky · 21/01/2024 00:49

Miss/Ms/Mr/Mx? What do they go by? It's always the 'cool' teachers who want to be best friends with the kids that discuss their sexuality. I've taught a couple who love to tell the kids they are bisexual (despite only ever having been in heterosexual relationships)

Superfrog3 · 21/01/2024 01:00

I don't think we need to get this deep. Just be honest - people are born with either a male or female body. Some people decide they don't want to be called he or she and they want to be called they and??? ( whatever their name they want to be known as). Your teachers gender isn't really important what matters is whether they're a good teacher or not.

Don't make a big thing out of it, if you have concerns go to the school and report them appropriately.I would be bothered if my kids teacher was making a big thing out of gender or pushing a narrative to my child, however I don't care if they identify as an alien from Mars in their spare time.

If you act crazy then your kid won't speak about it next time they have a question. We also don't have to get hurtful every time somebody lives their life differently to us. I don't like hot cross buns but I resist burning down the bakery isle at M&s. Life is really to short to get so angry about things.

Original poster
1982mommaof4 · 21/01/2024 01:04

Pieceofpurplesky · 21/01/2024 00:49

Miss/Ms/Mr/Mx? What do they go by? It's always the 'cool' teachers who want to be best friends with the kids that discuss their sexuality. I've taught a couple who love to tell the kids they are bisexual (despite only ever having been in heterosexual relationships)

I believe it's MX or as my daughter said mucs 😬

OP posts:
Bigwelshlamb · 21/01/2024 01:12

My DS (15) goes to school and is close friends with someone non binary. My son is a cis heterosexual sporty nerdy kinda chap and has no issue at all with it. He addresses his friend correctly and once everyone had a little wobble (especially if they'd been to junior school with them previously) the piss taking has become negligible. My youngest DS (11) went to prep school with a friend whose Mother changed sex, still called him Mum but now presents obviously as male. I don't have a problem with it at all, I deliberately made a special effort with him because I cannot imagine how hard that journey was. By making an effort I mean I carried on talking to him as I had always talked to her previously. My younger boy was concerned he'd misgender his friend's parent when he went round for tea, but I said it wouldn't matter and he should just do his best. He did and no, it didn't matter. I have to tell you I just don't care, people are people and however they choose to describe themselves is their business and I do my best to get it right. I cannot understand all the fuss about this at all. We just talked about it amongst the family and just got on with it. No teacher as a non binary person is going to be cross with a child for accidentally misgendering them particularly if they physically present one gender. No one needs to give parents the 'heads up' about this person, just get on with it. Children ask questions so just answer them and be thankful that you and your children are in the right body and know that. The suicide rate amongst trans people is astonishingly high and all that's required from us is acceptance and understanding and paying attention to our language when addressing them. I just don't understand why everyone gets so hot under the collar about this. It just requires compassion.

OldCrone · 21/01/2024 01:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OldCrone · 21/01/2024 01:40

Children ask questions so just answer them and be thankful that you and your children are in the right body and know that.

Do you believe that people can literally be born in the wrong body? Most people don't have this belief.

The suicide rate amongst trans people is astonishingly high and all that's required from us is acceptance and understanding and paying attention to our language when addressing them.

Any evidence for this high suicide rate? Children go to school to get an education, not to provide psychological support to adults with poor mental health.

I just don't understand why everyone gets so hot under the collar about this. It just requires compassion.

How about some compassion for the children caught up in this?

Swipe left for the next trending thread