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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Society ‘disappears’ ageing women. So I harnessed that cloak of invisibility to do all sorts of ‘inappropriate’ things

128 replies

IwantToRetire · 15/12/2023 21:38

This is the title of a Guardian article, and personally I wasn't that inspired by how the author chose to use her "invisibility", but then I dont have much imagination!

But it did make me wonder if any on FWR has felt that as they get older they become more invisible? And does this make you withdraw or does it make you angry / angrier?

The notion of becoming invisible as an ageing woman has become an accepted trope.

My friends and I, from our late 50s onwards, were first gobsmacked then increasingly enraged at being talked over, not served, not replied to, brushed aside and not taken seriously. Small accretions of casual insult that eroded our hard-earned sense of self and agency.

Instead of simmering in a stew of rage and resentment I began to wonder if that conferred invisibility could be harnessed. If I reframed it as a cloak of invisibility I could do all sorts of things “inappropriate” for my age.

Let’s be clear: invisibility for my cohort is no joke. It’s actually dangerous. It leads to exclusion from the workforce, financial precariousness, growing homelessness, bad health outcomes, elder abuse and silence and inaction in social policy.

Joy and rage are both necessary tools to counter the effects of ageism twinned with sexism. Let’s not accept the tired old stereotypes. Perhaps by wryly donning the invisibility cloak on our own terms we can be disrupters and activists who change expectations around ageing. We won’t manage to completely overturn this last obstacle thrown at us by a tired, dated yet stubbornly persistent patriarchy but we can have some fun along the way dancing out on the streets.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/dec/11/society-disappears-ageing-women-so-i-harnessed-that-cloak-of-invisibility-to-do-all-sorts-of-inappropriate-things

Society ‘disappears’ ageing women. So I harnessed that cloak of invisibility to do all sorts of ‘inappropriate’ things | Deborah Wood

Instead of simmering in a stew of rage and resentment, I became a purveyor of transgressive acts, using street art to disrupt and spread joy

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/dec/11/society-disappears-ageing-women-so-i-harnessed-that-cloak-of-invisibility-to-do-all-sorts-of-inappropriate-things

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IwantToRetire · 19/12/2023 21:08

For that, invisibility is bloody useful.

Yes - some of us do just age in a "typical" way.

We dont conspire not to be recognised. That is just the reaction. If you let your hair naturally grey, and just wear comfortable and sensible clothes, (ie signalling you are not making the effort to conform to the obligations of feminine fashion) you are not noticed.

Bravao @EmpressaurusOfCats

OP posts:
EmpressaurusOfCats · 19/12/2023 21:14

IwantToRetire · 19/12/2023 21:08

For that, invisibility is bloody useful.

Yes - some of us do just age in a "typical" way.

We dont conspire not to be recognised. That is just the reaction. If you let your hair naturally grey, and just wear comfortable and sensible clothes, (ie signalling you are not making the effort to conform to the obligations of feminine fashion) you are not noticed.

Bravao @EmpressaurusOfCats

Thank you!

And yes, to an extent. The most comfortable clothes I have are hoodies from Standing for Women etc & I more or less live in them when I’m not at work. I’ve also got some gorgeous colourful jackets that get a lot of compliments. But if I have shenanigans in mind I’ll go for grey coat & plain neutral coloured jumper.

Disturbia81 · 20/12/2023 17:35

Blinkityblonk · 19/12/2023 10:50

@BestZebbie i think you may be onto something, you definitely feel more visible as a teen then a twenty-something women, I spent so much time faffing about whether people were looking at me and with my appearance. I do still care, but it's very much a start the day looking ok and then don't think about it after that. This not caring allows me to live a more visible life as I plunge into situations or work events less self-consciously. This visibility/invisibility is complex.

Opposite of my experience, I went about unnoticed for years as a teen and 20 something

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