Society ‘disappears’ ageing women. So I harnessed that cloak of invisibility to do all sorts of ‘inappropriate’ things

[IwantToRetire]

This is the title of a Guardian article, and personally I wasn't that inspired by how the author chose to use her "invisibility", but then I dont have much imagination!

But it did make me wonder if any on FWR has felt that as they get older they become more invisible? And does this make you withdraw or does it make you angry / angrier?

The notion of becoming invisible as an ageing woman has become an accepted trope.

My friends and I, from our late 50s onwards, were first gobsmacked then increasingly enraged at being talked over, not served, not replied to, brushed aside and not taken seriously. Small accretions of casual insult that eroded our hard-earned sense of self and agency.

Instead of simmering in a stew of rage and resentment I began to wonder if that conferred invisibility could be harnessed. If I reframed it as a cloak of invisibility I could do all sorts of things “inappropriate” for my age.

Let’s be clear: invisibility for my cohort is no joke. It’s actually dangerous. It leads to exclusion from the workforce, financial precariousness, growing homelessness, bad health outcomes, elder abuse and silence and inaction in social policy.

Joy and rage are both necessary tools to counter the effects of ageism twinned with sexism. Let’s not accept the tired old stereotypes. Perhaps by wryly donning the invisibility cloak on our own terms we can be disrupters and activists who change expectations around ageing. We won’t manage to completely overturn this last obstacle thrown at us by a tired, dated yet stubbornly persistent patriarchy but we can have some fun along the way dancing out on the streets.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/dec/11/society-disappears-ageing-women-so-i-harnessed-that-cloak-of-invisibility-to-do-all-sorts-of-inappropriate-things

This isn't really an example of the article and whether other women on FWR have embraced getting older as a chance to totally abandon the social norms expected of them.

But by chance I saw this and thought yes Brenda Lee, topping the US charts at 78!
https://www.theguardian.com/music/2023/dec/14/i-just-loved-to-sing-brenda-lee-on-inspiring-elvis-lennon-and-taylor-swift-and-topping-the-chart-at-78

The Standing For Women women used their 'invisibility' to put leaflets in bookshops, galleries and museums 😎 I can't find a link now, but it was a beautiful effort! They recorded it, of course. The funniest moments were when staff caught them, but were so nonplussed by subversive guerrilla housewives that they hardly dared to throw them out.

I have used mine to distribute stickers and ribbons. Must do it again soon - I'll be super-invisible in a winter coat.

The Standing For Women women used their 'invisibility' to put leaflets in bookshops, galleries and museums

Fantastic - having been becoming invisible for some time I really need to balance this reality with my sense of me as my young self, and be a bit more bold. As no one will see the increasingly invisible me.

Is the Guardian still going? They think women have penises - I wouldn't believe anything they say - especially on the subject of dangerous older women.

My grandma had several friends after my grandad died and they used to go out together and do small naughty things, like ignoring signs that said “don’t walk on the grass”. I think they had a lot of fun doing it and she said that, as a bunch of old ladies, nobody ever told them off.

I can’t really say I’ve been bothered by any increased invisibility. Much of the visibility I experienced as a younger woman came with unwanted attention from men and that’s something I don’t miss. I’m also finding that I have so much more assertiveness that even men do tend to take me more seriously, for example if I’m complaining about something.

There are lots of things about being female that have negatively impacted my life and getting less attention as I get older definitely isn’t the worst, or anywhere near it.

Funny how the Guardian picks and chooses when “woman” refers to AHF and when it can mean anyone who “identifies” as such even if he has a penis.

I saw that article. I thought it would be about yarn bombing, and I wasn't far wrong!

I never cease to be amazed by what people consider subversive.

I am quite happy to be less visible. I don't want male attention. Other than that, I don't find I am ignored, personally. Actually, DD is.

I've been invisible since i became obese in my late teens. I prefer it that way.

I think when I was younger men would be rude and talk over me, or butt in and I didn’t feel I could challenge it. I certainly wouldn’t have talked over them, I’d have waited and not got a chance to speak. I wouldn’t say I was totally shy and retiring but I didn’t get listened to a lot.

Im only 50, but I can’t be arsed anymore. If someone rudely talks over me I’ll tell them to stop talking, I don’t object to coming over as rude (and I am quite charming mostly!) Age (and motherhood) have made me less likely to smile and nod and care about men’s bullshit (and to an extent younger women too).

so I might be fading into invisibility but I’m vocal😂you might not see me but you’ll hear me.

I have found that my increasing invisibility has positively correlated with my increasing post-menopausal arsiness.

It ended in a shouting match once, when a man got abusive when he tried to cut me up when I had right of way and I didn't let him. I told him he needed to learn to read road signs. I enjoyed that.

Honestly don’t miss the leering, comments and weird interactions with men during the years I was perceived as sexually attractive.

That said was v funny recently stood next to dd2 and her friend in Costa (both gorgeous 15 year olds but look older). Chap couldn’t take his eyes off them then he finished up order I had to say “err I would like a coffee too?!”. He literally hadn’t seen me standing right next to them. And I was bloody paying!

I think 'older women are invisible' is a dated cliche along the lines of 'women aren't allowed to be sexual' - an adage that isn't entirely true any more in our society but allows some women feel rebellious by challenging boundaries in an unthreatening way.

Ageism and sexism exists of course. I think it's a shame this newspaper didn't cover Hags by Victoria Smith which was a much better analysis of the intersection between sex and age and the damage it does to women over 40. But I don't think there's anything to mourn about not being harassed by men and patronised by serving staff.

Being "talked over, not served, not replied to, brushed aside and not taken seriously" is not a problem unique to older women. The biggest way to overcome this is to hang around with women, not men, especially actual feminists. I've met more loud, inspirational, powerful older women since getting involved in feminism and GC campaigning.

I wonder what the author's views are on gender. She is from New Zealand and lives in Melbourne and she would certainly stop being invisible if she said 'women don't have penises'.

I think women are always invisible. We think they're noticing us when we're younger. They're not. They're looking at our tits. Let's not kid ourselves.
The Israeli army allowed the 7th October attacks to happen because they totally ignored all the female spotters giving them warnings, for weeks, over the impending attack. They were ignored because they have tits. And the death count is now, what, 20k?

”subversive guerrilla housewives”

Brilliant

If we ever have an FWR band.

I don’t agree with the premise of the disappearing middle aged woman; there are many prominent women who discovered their true womanhood in their mature years, and have achieved plenty of well deserved visibility.

Rachel Levine was 54 when declaring her true self, still serving in a senior role in the Biden administration at the age of 66. Suzy Izzard is 61, India Willoughby is 58, Glenique Frank the Marathon runner is 54, Melody Wiseheart the swimmer is 51; Caitlin Jenner is 74. Robin Moira White, the distinguished barrister, is 59. Sophie Cook , the politician and campaigner is 56.

These ladies should serve as an example to us all that women don’t need to become invisible just because one has reached mature years.

Now that I'm invisible to men, one nice thing is that I'm visible to all the other invisible women and we quietly acknowledge each other when out and about.

With being spoken over, yeah that's a drag. I am very quietly spoken and it can be difficult to get a word in sometimes. With Mr Veg's family, who can be loud, I tried raising my voice and saying 'I wish to speak' and, miraculously, everyone went quiet. I still do it occasionally and, with his family at any rate, it works quite well. You have to smile when you say it, though.

PriOn1; Reminds me of this poem. https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwiM87b-55ODAxWKRUEAHf_QCCgQFnoECB4QAQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fjamesmilson.com%2F2017%2F04%2F19%2Fwarning-poem-by-jenny-joseph-when-i-grow-old-i-shall-wear-purple%2F&usg=AOvVaw3OMphnosYGO0y6YnUiscSc&opi=89978449

I have never been quietly spoken, and I have always been heard. I think that is important, not whether you are young or old. In fact, I have got a lot more confident as I have got older.

Of course, ageism exists, but I am getting a bit tired of whiny articles like this.

I don't notice many men/women of a younger age either. I think the majority of people are invisible. Youth doesn't instantly make you vibrant and interesting. That's something you have or don't have at any age. I find I'm more noticed now at 39 than I was 20 years ago. I get that I'm still youngish though so maybe I'll become invisible again one day!

@Allthegoodnamesarechosen - Argh! Hahaha! And Argh again!

Being more invisible with age is fantastic! It just means that I can do my own thing and don't have to worry about other people, or engage with them.

Its just cliched journalism- women become invisible after 40, you'll never get pregnant after 35, menopause has never been talked about before ever. None of those things are particularly true anymore. Either these people are walking around with their head so far up their own arses they haven't paid attention or they are looking for an easy article that some young/male editor thinks is true. All older people become invisible to younger people but not to each other. Young people might be surprised to know that older people can't be bothered with what young people get up to either.

Young people might be surprised to know that older people can't be bothered with what young people get up to either.

This is absolutely true. I don't spend much time looking at them or being envious. I think the young today have it very hard, and I was lucky to grow up when I did.

I'd rather an article on ageism with some actual facts, not the writers' feelings.

Was Vivienne Westwood invisible at a certain age? I don't bloody think so.