Society ‘disappears’ ageing women. So I harnessed that cloak of invisibility to do all sorts of ‘inappropriate’ things

[IwantToRetire]

This is the title of a Guardian article, and personally I wasn't that inspired by how the author chose to use her "invisibility", but then I dont have much imagination!

But it did make me wonder if any on FWR has felt that as they get older they become more invisible? And does this make you withdraw or does it make you angry / angrier?

The notion of becoming invisible as an ageing woman has become an accepted trope.

My friends and I, from our late 50s onwards, were first gobsmacked then increasingly enraged at being talked over, not served, not replied to, brushed aside and not taken seriously. Small accretions of casual insult that eroded our hard-earned sense of self and agency.

Instead of simmering in a stew of rage and resentment I began to wonder if that conferred invisibility could be harnessed. If I reframed it as a cloak of invisibility I could do all sorts of things “inappropriate” for my age.

Let’s be clear: invisibility for my cohort is no joke. It’s actually dangerous. It leads to exclusion from the workforce, financial precariousness, growing homelessness, bad health outcomes, elder abuse and silence and inaction in social policy.

Joy and rage are both necessary tools to counter the effects of ageism twinned with sexism. Let’s not accept the tired old stereotypes. Perhaps by wryly donning the invisibility cloak on our own terms we can be disrupters and activists who change expectations around ageing. We won’t manage to completely overturn this last obstacle thrown at us by a tired, dated yet stubbornly persistent patriarchy but we can have some fun along the way dancing out on the streets.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/dec/11/society-disappears-ageing-women-so-i-harnessed-that-cloak-of-invisibility-to-do-all-sorts-of-inappropriate-things

Older women are certainly visible to each other, I find...

Young people are more visible to everyone because they’re our future. We feel both protective of them (remembering our own young selves) and also worried in case they make poor choices and become feral and destructive.

Older men who still hope to play for Arsenal or who drool over 18 year olds may feel resentful and invisible when no one seems keen on them. But older men who have moved on from these youthful aspirations and now contribute to society either financially or as teachers, administrators, advisors, mentors, guardians etc are valuable and valued. As are older women who take a similar approach.

I have definitely become more assertive, I really don't care how people see me. I will not be rude, but if something is not right, I will tell waiting staff or shop assistants or 'phone up to complain. My friends respect this about me, and will ask for my help or support. My DD is sometimes mortified when I do this, but I want to teach her not to just sit back and let crap happen to you because you don't speak up.

I remember during the anti-government protests in Belarus (accompanied by the horrific government crackdown) there was a piece of footage where a young soldier was so completely confused to come across an older lady protesting that he lowered his riot baton and started to help her down a set of steps.

I really hope she managed to get home without encountering anyone else. 😕

I've walked through a gang fight before now.

No one pas the slightest bit of attention to me

I am 75 now - blimey, when did that happen!? - and am definitely not invisible!
I am widowed, and get a bit of flirty behaviour still from men. I am also a bit of a lynch pin in a number of organisations, run a choir and lots more - no-one sees me as invisible! And neither do I!

I wore a hat to Tesco this morning that has flashing lights on the Christmas trees that are on it. A couple of middle aged men in there seemed to be mildly annoyed about it and I can only assume it's because they were forced to notice my existence and the fact that I clearly don't give a flying fig what they think of me. It amused me no end.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen Ha!

I got harassed on a late train not long ago - a bloke wanted to talk to me about the fact that I was reading, and when I didn't respond he called me a cxxx. I realised that I was very out of practice in dealing with this sort of thing, because, as a 60-something woman, I usually travel under the radar. This summer I took trains around Europe, walked round many cities, sat in cafes and restaurants, and never got harassed at all. I love it - and think of it as a sort of super-power!

You know Jenner is a man right?

Yep invisibility is about your attitude to life, you either grip it or slink into the back ground.
At school plenty of kids were invisible to other kids and teachers. At work plenty of managers are invisible to those around them. Some people just are invisible. It's not a woman thing, it happens in all groups of all ages.
If you choose to slink into the background then don't blame society at large... take a look at yourself.

They all are dear. That's the joke I assume 😁

Oh... dear God. Good joke though haha.

Yes but it was a re release of a record she put out at 13 so not really the same!

@Allthegoodnamesarechosen
brilliant!

I don’t feel invisible personally, but I can see why some middle aged women do disappear. If I look around there are a swathe who no longer wear make up, do anything to their hair, allow the weight to creep up and shuffle about with their head down. Ditto for many middle aged men. I see an awful lot of men who allow the pot belly to spread, live in slacks and some terrible trainers and shuffle about ready to have a heart attack.

Conversely I see silver foxes who are suited and booted and exercise so are fit and my god women flock to them. Same with women who still look after their hair and skin, carefully monitor their food intake and carefully select their wardrobe. Of course this is an annoying truth - I didn’t most of my late teens and twenties looking like a scruff but got away with it as I was young. Nowadays have to put in effort. I’m furious but not invisible.

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light

This is my motto and I'm having the time of my life in my mid 50s.

As a pp poster said, we are not invisible to others of our generation.

I haven't seen or heard of it myself either, if anything older women and men tend to be more involved with community and chatting to everyone. Know more people.
I always paid more attention to older people.
Unless you mean being sleazed on by those kind of perverted men who only like young women, then that's not a loss.

This is horrendous "victim" blaming.
If an older woman is overlooked at work etc, it's her fault for not looking good enough to take seriously, to serve in a shop etc! Wow

I've rarely seen such a flood of Pick Me posts in FWR! Yes, of course you are all dominant local citizens, revered professionals, notably chic, perfectly groomed and widely desired by men, the manic pixie dream girl you've always been, paragons of physical perfection and/or fitness, social lynchpins, queens of your tribes, etc, etc, (delete as appropriate).

You are Not Like Those Other Girls old women 😏

That being so, what's the point of declaiming your exceptionalism on a thread about harnessing middle-aged invisibility?

Sitting on the Invisible Bench with @MistressIggi, plotting world domination by stealth

We have gin and cake, obvs

I thought most of the posts here pointed out that we are not desired by men, and don't care that much. Literally nobody has mentioned being a manic pixie dream girl.

The point,I guess, is that we are debating what this invisibility actually is. If you are saying older women are excluded from the workplace, fine. There is evidence of that, as are POC, single mums, etc etc .

If you are complaining that the waiter is ignoring you, then speak up instead of moaning in the Guardian!

Nonsense. It’s life. You are not going to unravel thousands of years of youth and beauty being worshipped just because you are outraged.

Alexei Sayle wrote a (very good) short story about a bunch of OAPs who used that super power to become hitmen ...

I just think you're wrong, actually, RudsyFarmer. I think you think you are one of the special ones who hasn't let herself go and will be viewed as being as relevant as your 25 or 30 year old safe. You won't be.
You are also making assumptions about the women posting to say that they do have experience of this invisibility, that we are all unattractive and badly turned out.