Dating as a TERF

[TERFisTHEnewTREND]

I'm a 34 year old female. I'm currently dating via Tinder.

When the gender issue has come up and I've mentioned that I'm a TERF, a lot of men have disengaged from me. I once went on three dates with a man, we got on great, and then when I mentioned my views on gender ideology, he ghosted me after!

Do you mention your stance up front or do you wait? I don't want to date anyone who thinks humans can change sex, is it worth stating this on my profile?

Any help/ advice/ insights appreciated.

Cherry picking one example of an awful situation (I assume it's awful hence you posted it?)...what about all the cases of those who transitioned who now feel completely liberated and no longer suicidal? Any of those testimonies?

I don't see the point in giving one example (good or bad), that can be used for pretty much any topic. "Oh the covid vaccine...after receiving it such and such dropped dead a week later" (so from that anecdote don't get the vaccine then?).

Speaking of cherry-picking (which, to be fair, I acknowledge we all have to do to some degree on a complex, fast-moving thread), could you reply to my question at 1601?

You really, really don't get it.

FEMALE empowerment. FEMALE achievement.

Those women stood up to sexism, to the people (male and female) who believed the types of minds they had could not exist in female bodies, and they stared them down and they fucking proved those people wrong, they proved that women's minds are just as good as men's at leadership, at strategy, at art, at science, at courage, at politics, at vision, at analysis, at ... anything we decide to turn our minds to.

What holds women back is not our minds, has never been our minds. What holds women back is the limitations and biases society projects onto us because of cultural expectations on our bodies, and the outmoded structures that make it eaiser to navigate public life, offices and work if you are born male.

And here's you now thinking that their natural sucessors are not women like me who continue to fight for female respect and empowerment in a still-sexist society, but women like you who want to jump right back into those outmoded ideas about female minds, with the special twist that men who are girly enough must be women as well.

I could weep, I really could. Facepalm emojii indeed.

Transition increases suicide risk. Try again.

"There is little evidence that medical transition decreases suicidality.
When it comes to gender dysphoric children, there is little evidence that medical transition decreases suicide rates. There is little evidence to assert that puberty blockers are necessary to prevent suicide [1].

After sex reassignment surgery, one study showed that adult transsexual clients were 4.9 times more likely to have made a suicide attempt and 19.1 times more likely to have died from suicide, after adjusting for prior psychiatric comorbidity [2]. Similarly, an Australian paper [3] notes that many patients have poor outcomes, which puts them at risk of suicide.

A prominent study [4] claiming that medical transition alleviated suicidality had to be corrected [5], to clarify that it proved “no advantage of surgery” in this regard.

A long-term Swedish study [6] finds that post-operative transgender people have “considerably higher risks” for suicidal behavior.

Similarly, a study in the European Journal of Endocrinology [7] demonstrates that suicide rates among transgender male-to-females were 51% higher than the general population."

https://statsforgender.org/medical-transition/

The fact that Susie Green was CEO at Mermaids and is now known to have put substantial pressure on the Tavistock to grant puberty blockers against medical advice means that this isn't cherry picking. It's not an isolated example but shows just how badly let down so many of these children were. It's a feature, not the exception.

Firstly, you don't think TWAW or you would think they can compete in women's sports.

So, if you don't think TWAW there is no case for them being in any other space that men are excluded from to protect women's safety, dignity or fairness.

Take prisons for example, you clearly don't think rapists, and presumably other male sex offenders, should be in women's prisons. But being as most sex offenders don't get even reported to the police, let alone charged, let alone convicted, the only way we have to keep them out of women's prisons is to not let any men in. And that is exactly why 'case by case' does not keep women safe but full exclusions of all males does.

And to show willing, in response to your dismissal of Susie Green using the Covid vax analogy, I'd argue you're comparing apples and oranges.

Unproven anecdotes of people dying after having the vax are attributable to spurious correlation & ignorance.

A formal first-person account of "transing the gay away" offers indisputable evidence that this has the potential to happen. As a single personal experience, you're quite right that it doesn't represent a pattern or statistical probability, or offer anything resembling a researched explanation for this phenomenon. But it does offer sound evidence that one GC concern, focussed on safeguarding gay children, at the very least shouldn't be unthinkingly dismissed.

But, but, but...

Didn't you all realise Elizabeth I was trans?!

"I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman; but I have the heart and stomach of a king" etc.?

Important aside for some readers: this, too, is irony.

And another great example of why we would argue the current ideology is regressive.

I don’t even know what gender dysphoria means since that AMA thread by a transwoman a few months ago.

I always thought it was not being able to live happily in your body the way it is (something many women can understand) but apparently it’s about offensive stereotypes and totally messed up ways of viewing women.

"Cherry picking one example"?

Did you miss the part about who this woman is?

She's not just the random mother of a random trans person who took her minor child abroad for illegal sex reassignment surgery and somehow managed to escape prosecution.

She was the CEO of Mermaids, the UK's main charity for "trans kids".

She's not just an odd bad apple, she has been at the forefront of this movement in the UK. During the time she was heading up Mermaids the number of adolescent girls identifying as boys and wanting to take testosterone and have medically unnecessary mastectomies increased by about 4000%. She personally put families in touch with Gender GP, a private clinic run by a couple of doctors, one of whom has since been struck off for medical malpractice, and under whose "care" hundreds of children were fast tracked onto puberty blockers without undergoing any proper counselling. In the last year numerous safeguarding scandals connected with this charity have been exposed, including the fact that they had been sending breast binders to teen girls without their parents' knowledge or consent, that one of their trustees was a self confessed paedophile, and another member of their staff had posted pictures of his genitals all over Twitter.

Susie Green was probably more influential than any other individual person in shaping UK policy regarding young trans people. She's not a blip, or an anomaly. She's right at the very heart of this.

As for those who feel liberated and no longer suicidal, well, two things.

Firstly there is no actual evidence that people are any less likely to attempt suicide after transitioning.

And secondly, what about them? Is the fact that some people believe they feel better as a result of being able to transition supposed to make it OK that women have seen all their single sex spaces and sports made inclusive of males? What about women who can now no longer access rape crisis support because they're not allowed to have single sex groups anymore, or the women from minority religions who can no longer use the ladies swimming pond at Highgate ponds because it has been made inclusive of trans women despite the fact that there is also a mixed sex pond?

What about the actual women? Can we talk about the actual women who have been negatively affected by this? Is that OK with you? Or are they all just acceptable collateral damage for making a few trans people feel a bit happier?

Awww thanks mate.

Populace (same as population)....populous (large/dense population)

Got it!

That's right, well done! You can do it!

Now try reading over some of the other responses and questions. There's no rush.

1601?

She's brilliant, I love her wisdom and her fury on everything she writes about.

This

and @DC1888

You said "You can be against natural born males bejng in natural born women sports (theres a fair argument for that), but to mals the sweeping statement that transwomen are not woman is bloody bigoted/backward/ignorant."

Can you please explain what you mean here. How is referring to 'natural born males' any different from saying trans women are not women?

What does it mean to say a trans woman is a woman?
Do we have to believe it? Or pretend to believe it? Or what? What definition of a woman are you using here.
Do we try to make ourselves believe it on a case by case basis? Do we pretend we believe it on a case by case basis?

Bumping this as I don't think the posters it was aimed at saw it.

I'm pretty sure they saw and chose to pretend they hadn't.

Have been checking in, in the hope of a response. It's helping mitigate the tension of the scary fluff I'm watching. 😁 And...

Isn’t Liz I a transman now or did I dream it?

I knew I didn’t dream it!

the sweeping statement that transwomen are not woman is bloody bigoted/backward/ignorant

That's not a sweeping statement. It's a very basic biological fact.

, but to mals the sweeping statement that transwomen are not woman is bloody bigoted/backward/ignorant.

probably grasping at straws here but trying to be fair given that research that showed a significant minority of people through TW were women that wanted to be men - You do know that TW are all biological males don’t you?

“Terf is regressive/backward and very un-UK like...its something you'd expect from the US bible belt (no doubt they are too).”

just spotted this- do you really think the Bible Belt is full of radical feminists

When I say progressive, I'm referring to the general attitude towards trans people, ie. compassionate, and not the hostility that terfs exude ("bloke in a dress"). Kellie-Jay Keen, she's a bigot plain and simple.

Your question is a good one. I'm against altering the language in referring to women as "birthing people", "people who menstruate", "cervix havers" etc. I would be more inclusive of legitimate transwomen (not the chancers) as also being women though (just not natural women).