Dating as a TERF

[TERFisTHEnewTREND]

I'm a 34 year old female. I'm currently dating via Tinder.

When the gender issue has come up and I've mentioned that I'm a TERF, a lot of men have disengaged from me. I once went on three dates with a man, we got on great, and then when I mentioned my views on gender ideology, he ghosted me after!

Do you mention your stance up front or do you wait? I don't want to date anyone who thinks humans can change sex, is it worth stating this on my profile?

Any help/ advice/ insights appreciated.

On the dating thing. I don't put anything about my politics on my dating profile, but I do state that I'm female and straight.

I won't entertain a match with anyone who states they are:
nonbinary
pansexual
radical leftist
communist
socialist
antifa
an activist

Or anyone who says:
No terfs
No swerfs
No tories

I find this serves me well. When the topic has come up on dates, it's usually been the man raising it to say, 'what a load of nonsense'. If you're straight, look for men who label themselves straight men interested in women and don't demand any kind of ideological or political allegiance to any cause.

Yes, I do see "No Tories" quite often!

In my experience, it means they're subscribed in full to the whole 'woke' ideology and will not brook any disagreement or debate on any issues. They will expect full compliance with all of their views. And they will not tolerate any dissent.

So, whether you're a tory or not, avoid these men!

The SNP are left of centre (or at least identify that way). Not far left. They are the ones who really pushed the 'nutty Scottish bill' (do you mean the GRR? Again, not the only Scottish bill which could be described as 'nutty').

And we're constantly told we're right wing on here. Lorna Slater of the Scottish Greens made a fool of herself by claiming that feminist groups in Scotland receive 'right wing funding' (no evidence by the way). But you're saying the issue is the fault of the 'extreme left'.

So which is it?

I don't know if the OP is bothered but just letting her know this thread is trending on Twitter and being picked apart by trans. Beware of any identifying info folks!

I lurked on here for about a year before I started posting so that I could have a strong understanding of the background around all this.

You clearly haven't. If you're ignorant on a subject, it might be a good idea to actually ask questions in order to understand rather than to go on the attack.

Women are being called terfs and demonised because we're taking the sensible middle ground. This is at the core of this entire mess.
The massive backlash to JK Rowling's very reasonable and sympathetic essay is proof of that.

It's gone so far because perfectly sensible positions are being painted as extreme and clearly still are going by this thread.

They’re clearly not identical conditions, but in both cases the sufferer believes that they have to go to extreme lengths (starving themselves or removing their healthy body parts) because they think their body is wrong. Both conditions tend to arrive with puberty, which is a weird and scary time for a lot of children (particularly autistic ones, who more likely to be anorexic or trans identifying than neurotypical children).

I think what you’re missing is the fact (a) taking cross sex hormones can be very bad for your health and that (b) most children grow out of gender dysphoria if they don’t go down the affirmation and puberty blockers to hormones pathway.

And no, TRAs are not ‘human rights’ activists, they are ‘male people’s rights to participate in women’s sports, be put in women’s prisons, go in women’s changing rooms, and win women’s awards’ activists.

Haha! Really? By whom? Anyone funny?

I am more shocked that the post talking about hermaphrodites wasn’t posted on Twitter.

oh… that’s right. Extreme transactivists aren’t known to do much more than leverage people with differences of sex development’s medical conditions to further their political gains. Just like how fucking ignorant it is for people to use that term while hypocritically calling others ‘bigoted and ignorant’ and fucking policing what male trans people are called.

You really couldn’t make that one up. I note though that it has been completely ignored by that poster who really has shown they are only here to point their pointy fingers of shame at others.

They are all hilarious in a laugh at not laugh with way

Great! I hope someone from Twitter can come on over and answer my question posted at 1601 with a courteous, considered rationale addressing the key issues in it. Would read & respond with genuine interest.

There was never any major issue in regard to trans people in the UK, that I'm aware of, prior to the far left losing the plot.

I think what you're referring to is a time when a very small number of men who suffered with gender dysphoria so greatly that they did their best to appear be women, were mostly politely humoured by society. Nobody, including the men, believed they had changed sex or could change sex, nobody said TWAW about these men.

A very few men therefore 'lived as women' i.e. wore dresses and wigs and makeup and chose female names and used women's facilities. Women, socialised to be kind and to fear male aggression, often played along with what all concerned knew was a pretence. Women did not consent to this, women were not consulted, our lesser physical strength and our female socialisation was exploited so that these men could feel better.

If you hadn't noticed, those days are long gone. Current TRAs call those men 'truscum' and look down on them. If this is the middle ground you think you've cleverly identified, think again. These men were prioritised over women and a lot of people looked the other way as it was a very very few and they were very very unhappy. And women don't really matter, in the scheme of things, if it's between a man feeling sad and a women feeling sad/scared/pissed off, no competition.

Those TW and those times, have been replaced by other TW and current times, and it wasn't women who caused the shift. Those TW were thrown under the bus along with women, gay people, confused adolescents, autistic teenagers, by the current incarnation of misogynist men, i.e. TRAs. This is their mess, not ours. We gave an inch, because no one bloody asked if we minded, and TRAs took 100000 miles.

I'm guessing that since this thread is about women not wanting to date sexist men, they're all responding with the usual huffy "I didn't want to anyway since you're too old/fat/ugly/frigid/blah" while continuing to desperately swipe yes to every female person they see on the apps.
I've ignored quite a few likes from people on dating apps because of the 'no terfs' or other gender stereotyping bollocks on their profile.
So, if that's you and you're reading this, maybe try not being such a raging misogynist? You might get a lot more matches.

I’m finding it very frustrating to be called ignorant by someone who clearly doesn’t understand what the GC arguments are at all. When you enter in to a debate you should be able to accurately describe what the other side believes. I don’t think the scolders on this thread could do that, so they are fighting strawmen instead.

Yeah. They won't, though.

Surely it's to everyone's benefit if the raging misogynist arseholes make it clear from the start?

As I've said before, pronouns are very instructive.

Yes. But I also don’t think it matters to them. They are not interested and are not reading.

They believe they are the righteous and the fact that they cannot provide coherent, consistent and convincing reasoning, just make ill informed points that lack the relevance they believe it does, seems to have bypassed them. Bizarre behaviour yet it is same old, same old. If it is not the extreme trans rights activists, it is the MRAs, or the ‘be kinders’ or the ones claiming we are feministing wrong.

The UK has a great tradition of female empowerment (including having female heads of state, Elizabeth I, Victoria, Elizabeth II)....from Mary Wollstonecraft (founder of modern feminism) to Florence Nightingale to Millicent Fawcett to Emmeline (and Sylvia and Christabel) Pankhurst to Virginia Woolf to Germaine Greer (Aussie yes but UK based) to (and dare I say it) Margaret Thatcher (well she was the first female PM)....to...

......Terfs.

*Facepalm emoji

Oh dear.

I'm going to have to correct you again.

Firstly, trans rights activists are not advocating for human rights. Not because trans people aren't human, of course they are, but because trans people already have all the same human rights as everybody else. The "rights" they are advocating for are not human rights, or even really rights at all, because no other humans have them. They are special privileges for people with gender identities.

In order to argue for these special privileges they have to sustain some sort of belief that humans can change sex, or at least that what makes someone a man or a woman is in their brain rather than in their DNA and reproductive system, and it is in this respect that they are akin to flat earthers. There is zero evidence of what they claim as an absolute truth, and actually quite a lot of evidence that it is all a load of bullshit.

Secondly, why does the analogy with anorexia not hold? In both cases the person is extremely distressed by their own body, due to a belief that it should be different from how it actually physically is, to match an idea of how it should be which only exists in their head rather than in reality.

Starving yourself is a form of self harm, and so is using puberty blockers, cross sex hormones and having unnecessary surgery. In both cases the self harm is an ultimately futile attempt to make their body more like how they believe it should be, and in both cases all it achieves is to destroy their health. And in both cases the problem is entirely psychological, meaning that making physical changes to their healthy body isn't the answer.

You mention Germaine Greer, have you listened to what she has to say on this topic?

What point do you think you are making here?

Country with a proud history of being at the forefront of women's rights continues to lead the way on women's rights.

Why is this surprising?

"TERFs" are fighting for women's rights.

FFS! Which of those women would not be a terf ?

You must know, of course, that Germaine is one of the first feminists to be speaking publicly in very blunt words. I believe she would use the words ‘bloke in a dress’. She certainly said lobbing off your dick and wear a dress doesn’t make you a woman.

Another post that seems to not land anywhere near where you intend it.

This is another issue I have with the "regressive" claims. Is it another word that's undergoing redefinition at the moment?

Rad Fems: We tend to believe this because of... and we take your claims into account, but discount them for the following reasons... Meanwhile, we do also perceive something of a logical fallacy in your argument and would address that by arguing... etc. etc. etc., across multiple paragraphs. So, what do YOU think, and why?

TRAs: You're regressive. And no one fancies you. Ha!

Germaine Greer was proudly TERFing decades before trans issues were on most people's radar.