Ginny - an update

[idontknowwhattosay23]

Massive apologies for the delay in an update. It's been tricky to know how to word it so that I don't get into trouble or have to ask for it to be taken down again. Plus I've been so depressed with the situation I haven't really known what to say.

I won't be able to post the full story as before so really this is only for the benefit of those that read the last (now deleted) thread and wondered what happened / can remember the details.

The meeting went ahead as planned, although with the massive twist that it wasn't actually just myself and "Ginny" but was turned into a whole office meeting, which turned into just giving Ginny a platform to talk about her life as a trans woman (all 6 months of it) and how she is constantly objectified by men, sexually harassed and cat called and suffers far more than any cis woman and as such, deserves (and needs so she doesn't harm herself) the support and cooperation of everyone in the office, especially other women. No, I'm not joking.

The tampon / being in the women's toilet issue was brushed under the carpet as quickly as possible and explained to us as a complex matter of dysphoria that we couldn't possibly grasp and was not to be spoken about again. We were then informed that female sanitary products would be provided by management in ALL toilets, men's women's and the disabled toilets to avoid any future "misunderstanding". I was asked if I wanted to apologise for my outburst and make a fresh start with Ginny, I did so because as I said in the last thread, I really need this job at the moment. I'm so disappointed in myself for doing so and feel gross. But I couldn't do anything else. I want to thank all those that said to just suck it up and apologise, it saved me my job 100% no question about it.

Overall it was bordering humiliating for all involved, we were spoken to like children and patronised beyond belief. Ginny has been given a new desk set up right by the bosses office, best view, newest computer and a client list that even people who have been there 10+ years wouldn't usually get a look in on and have been working hard to secure for a long time... myself and two other women have been relocated to the back office. Apparently absolutely unrelated incidents, based on "the continuing restructure of company operations to maximise productivity and output". Two men have handed in their notice, again entirely unrelated.... (I can't say much, please put the pieces together yourselves ❤️)

I'm speaking now because frankly I'm dreading Monday, as in physically feel crap and absolutely can't face going in, but for now I have to. I'm actively looking for another job and have had my 3 weeks holiday approved from mid-July so I just need to get through a week and a half and I'm free of the nonsense for a bit to regroup and figure out what I do next.

It's no understatement to say I am utterly baffled as to why there is such massive special treatment for Ginny, considering the huge mistakes they have made since starting and the constant drama. Current theories floated by colleagues suggest either the boss believes that this is legally how trans people need to be treated in the workplace and is entirely uneducated in it, thus airing massively on the side of caution and has pushed inclusivity so far he's excluded everyone else. And another theory to do with crushes that I couldn't possibly repeat.

So there we have it. I'm sorry it took a while to update, there is plenty more happening that I just can't really share at the moment. But when I can I will.

Are u it getting this thread deleted op
daily fail will be all over it
I’d hate you to loose your job before u found another

Re pronouns, everything I've read here about Ginny suggests we should be using he/him when referring to him within this thread, this is normal when talking about an adult human male. Calling a person "it" is never appropriate, I wouldn't buy a New Baby card that says "It's a Boy/Girl" Obviously OP is in an awkward position at work, I'd be throwing in Ginny's name instead of using his preferred pronouns, I wouldn't want to mislead any person into thinking he is anything other than male. So, "could you just ask Ginny to check whether Ginny is fully GDPR compliant now and has Ginny got a spare pen that Ginny could lend to me, no rush, after Ginny has had lunch?" A bit clunky, but nothing that anyone could be offended by.

And, @idontknowwhattosay23, I'm so sorry you are in this situation, I'd be organising to go to the restroom in pairs now, one to go and sit and pee in peace and one to stand outside the outer door and let Ginny know there is a queue and not let him past until you are finished your business. For your own personal safety, as you feel triggered by the presence of an intact male person in private spaces, not personal, no offence but you'd feel the same if it was Gerald from Accounts.

And, advise Ginny that if he is experiencing bleeding "down there", then that is a matter of grave medical concern and he should be consulting his GP .... urgently.

And, shut down conversation. "Ginny, I have work to do" "Ginny, I am not having this conversation with you, it's not appropriate in the workplace" "Ginny, I am not sure that actually happened, if it did then it is a matter for the site manager/employer/police." "Ginny, do you have a health care practitioner you can discuss this with more appropriately?". "Ginny, send me an e-mail about this, or perhaps send it to manager"

Can you track his recording with a reverse image search or suchlike? Or, even by using some of the dialogue from the audio recording? Sometimes, these people put up subtitles which might make it easier to track, someone with more knowledge may be along to advise.

Are you in touch with your ex-colleagues, would one of them reach out to Ginny and see if they can get hold of the video link, for a friend who is confused about their identity?

Good luck with the job hunt. Have Sinead O'Connor's "The Emperor's New Clothes" playing as you walk out the door.

Also saw your original thread and was pretty horrified then. Nothing you’ve written here has mitigated that - and the idea of forcing you to apologise in front of the whole office is just ludicrous, particularly as you had nothing to apologise for, OP.

Very best of luck with your job hunting too.

Serious q but what would Ginny actually do with the san pro? Why on earth could Ginny possibly feel Ginny had a need for san pro?

All the best to you @op. You have done nothing wrong yet you are maintaining a dignity and integrity I can only admire.

How can it be a team issue? Even if we accept that Ginny didn't actually do the unauthorised searches, Ginny's still responsible for leaving the PC unlocked and logged into a system containing confidential data. It's rule one of working on those systems - always lock your machine when leaving it unattended. While the GDPR refresher is tedious, I'd let it slide, but agree with getting advice if any kind of formal warning has gone on your record.

I'm sorry you are going through this, OP.

My two cents are that repressed homosexuals to like men dressed as women so that they could pretend that they were not gay.

And I can't help wondering if your boss is being blackmailed.

Good luck with the job hunting.

Just the fact that he said he was objectified “like a cheap whore”…. Shows you what he thinks of women. What’s a cheap whore, Ginny? Is it okay to catcall a woman if she’s just a cheap whore? Christ all-bloody-mighty, these guys get away with being such misogynists.

Oh absolutely this! I imagine this was discussed quite extensively in the original thread but seriously...what?!

Not only to pretend to need a tampon but then to create a shitstorm when denied it 🤯

Ginny is not used to being said no to, clearly.

Gosh just remembering now actually, they said something like "I have had male privilege in the work place for 25 years, Cis women have never known the privilege so can't miss it like I do"

A female woman would use that knowledge and experience to support fellow female women in the workplace.

Alternate view: swapping male priveledge for transwoman priviledge. Quelle surpruse

Forgot to say:after the GDPR refresher make a point of saying "don't forget to lock your screen so nobody can access your login, as we were reminded in the refresher!"
Loudly as soon as anyone stands up from their desk.

Including boss I'd you can see him.
Also lots of lovely inane chat in your new ladies office. Don't deliberately snub anyone! Make the best if it, sharing snacks, doing a tea run...

Oh thats ridiculous then. Ginny can piss off.

OP I hope you find out the truth behind all this batshittery, even if it's after you leave.

Do you need to keep this boss as a reference when you go? If not, a full and frank exit interview could be had!

I hope today is bearable 🌻🌻🌻

The repressed homosexual idea may have something in it but my guess is that Ginny just flatters the boss, plays up to to the little woman respecting the big man stereotype and he prefers that to actual women who would not do that in a million years.

I also would be tempted to try and reach out to the two men who’ve left, if possible, but it’s understandable if you don’t want to.

OP, I absolutely recommend you do keep the connection, not to ever necessarily discuss why they left but because colleagues who move to new employers are a great network when it comes to your own job search.

If you know they think well of you it's entirely OK to ask them to give you a heads up if there's anything open at the new place, or if you are at the right level, to ask if you can meet someone in their management team speculatively to get on the radar.

Plus colleagues who know exactly why someone may be leaving can vouch for you and provide some context (not suggesting specifics, just something like "the atmosphere changed a lot in the last 6 months and it's not the great place it used to be".)

I've been thinking about it and it would probably be okay and possibly desirable for the OP to say that she is seeking a new job because she wants to work somewhere large enough to maintain an HR department and people properly informed on meeting regulation wrt legislation generally.

But not to say that to the old boss until she's safely in her new job and past the probationary period.

At that stage, getting in touch to mention the problems with GDPR and harassment and that the responses in those areas did not follow usual protocol (without going into detail) would flag her awareness on those issues. Best to do that in writing, in an email, so that it's date stamped.

Hmm yes. Show reel and wank fodder?

I didn't see the first thread but I am agog at what has gone on and particularly your boss's capture.

A pp upthread asked about how the hiring process of Ginny was. Above board or not? @idontknowwhattosay23

Stay strong sister 💐

I know you are continuing to get lots of great advice and support on this thread but please do get it deleted. The longer it is up the more chance of the wrong person seeing or hearing about it. Remember TRAs do trawl the Mumsnet feminism section.
The fact that what you are saying is all true is no defence against you being in trouble for breaking a social media policy or bringing the company into disrepute.

I remember your previous posts. So sorry, no advice because this is insane behaviour by the business owner (Ginny’s behaviour is wholly predictable though).
I would repeat the advice to make sure that gdpr warning is not on your records though. Some job references ask about current warnings and disciplinaries

The OP has been careful not to give any hint as to what sort of work she does, what her workplace does, or even which part of the UK she works in, and hasn't posted during working hours. Deleting might be sensible anyway, but she has been very discreet.

She has been discreet, yes, but the risk is it being seen by a TRA who recognises Ginny.

I'd love to think Ginny is unique, but fear there might be a few of them out there.

But still, yes, deleting might be prudent.

Good luck OP and please know that if thread needs to go there are so many women standing with you. Finding a new job and keeping a diary of work is the priority for now. The rest can wait.

For me, the saddest and hardest to comprehend part is the total capture by the once-lovely once-perfect-sounding boss. Ginny is Ginny and arrived 'fully formed' as it were. The complete change in the boss on the other hand, is a total betrayal