Ginny - an update

[idontknowwhattosay23]

Massive apologies for the delay in an update. It's been tricky to know how to word it so that I don't get into trouble or have to ask for it to be taken down again. Plus I've been so depressed with the situation I haven't really known what to say.

I won't be able to post the full story as before so really this is only for the benefit of those that read the last (now deleted) thread and wondered what happened / can remember the details.

The meeting went ahead as planned, although with the massive twist that it wasn't actually just myself and "Ginny" but was turned into a whole office meeting, which turned into just giving Ginny a platform to talk about her life as a trans woman (all 6 months of it) and how she is constantly objectified by men, sexually harassed and cat called and suffers far more than any cis woman and as such, deserves (and needs so she doesn't harm herself) the support and cooperation of everyone in the office, especially other women. No, I'm not joking.

The tampon / being in the women's toilet issue was brushed under the carpet as quickly as possible and explained to us as a complex matter of dysphoria that we couldn't possibly grasp and was not to be spoken about again. We were then informed that female sanitary products would be provided by management in ALL toilets, men's women's and the disabled toilets to avoid any future "misunderstanding". I was asked if I wanted to apologise for my outburst and make a fresh start with Ginny, I did so because as I said in the last thread, I really need this job at the moment. I'm so disappointed in myself for doing so and feel gross. But I couldn't do anything else. I want to thank all those that said to just suck it up and apologise, it saved me my job 100% no question about it.

Overall it was bordering humiliating for all involved, we were spoken to like children and patronised beyond belief. Ginny has been given a new desk set up right by the bosses office, best view, newest computer and a client list that even people who have been there 10+ years wouldn't usually get a look in on and have been working hard to secure for a long time... myself and two other women have been relocated to the back office. Apparently absolutely unrelated incidents, based on "the continuing restructure of company operations to maximise productivity and output". Two men have handed in their notice, again entirely unrelated.... (I can't say much, please put the pieces together yourselves ❤️)

I'm speaking now because frankly I'm dreading Monday, as in physically feel crap and absolutely can't face going in, but for now I have to. I'm actively looking for another job and have had my 3 weeks holiday approved from mid-July so I just need to get through a week and a half and I'm free of the nonsense for a bit to regroup and figure out what I do next.

It's no understatement to say I am utterly baffled as to why there is such massive special treatment for Ginny, considering the huge mistakes they have made since starting and the constant drama. Current theories floated by colleagues suggest either the boss believes that this is legally how trans people need to be treated in the workplace and is entirely uneducated in it, thus airing massively on the side of caution and has pushed inclusivity so far he's excluded everyone else. And another theory to do with crushes that I couldn't possibly repeat.

So there we have it. I'm sorry it took a while to update, there is plenty more happening that I just can't really share at the moment. But when I can I will.

That’s a very good idea.
The boss is thinking only of Ginny’s “rights”, not anyone else’s or women as a whole. He might have been trained to do this by Ginny, or a third party, or he might just be a misogynist. But he needs to hear that this is harassment.

MN is a dangerous place. The stuff I learn here.
As per everyone sane here, my heart goes out to you.

Thanks for the update, and very best wishes to you. It is an insane situation and I hope that you can in some sense self-protectively detatch from it psychologically, God knows you shouldn't have to do this, though. xxx

Oh, blimey. Is everyone trying not to catch anybody's eye when all this is going on?

I work in a similar set up and I have to say that the tribunal threat is terrifying for small businesses when unconditional positive regard is expected and any attempt at setting standards of performance or behaviour is deemed by some to be bullying. Which is where your situation is at because anyone can see that's where this is heading.

In the event that there isn't something else going on, it may be that there is an element of pre-emptiveness from your boss in terms of the outlandishly positive treatment in advance of getting rid. Sounds odd but I can imagine my boss doing that because he'd know that trouble lay ahead, even with the 2 year thing. He'd be wrong & would be better managing out asap, but he's wearing a lot of hats and HR is probably not one of them.

What a nightmare. It would be a massive shame to move jobs when this will be over before the year is out. But, then, everything has changed now, hasn't it?

Hi SAF! Good to see you around. Can you believe where we've got to on all of this? I've not posted much since you and dittany and some others left or got banned. I miss those days.

Thank you for the update, OP. I have been thinking of you and hoping it will all work out.

I'm glad you still have your job, your financial independence and your children are still being provided for by you. That's a win!

I'm a contrary bugger so there's a large part of me hoping you can stick it out to see how it ends.

There could be some hilarious situations to come, eg you said there are two new people starting soon. I wonder how people with no company loyalty might react to Ginny? (My workplace has seen a lot of people come and go recently, with few of them shy to say what they think!!!!)

What if one of the new starters is an established transwoman? Ginny can't do his "only gay in the village" routine then!

What if, by September, the only people left in the office are you, the boss and Ginny? (That one could actually be horrendous tho!)

How sweet would the revenge be to see Ginny absolutely f* something up??? And not be able to get out of it?

Sorry, think I'm going a bit evil now 😅

If your mental health is better by finding another job, that is what you should do, of course.

Can you please wangle it so you're there when the 2 newbies meet Ginny?!

Just to go back to the GDPR breach, I'm surprised this has been resolved so casually.

Who was looked up and why? Is this stalking to look up old acquaintances? Or is this potentially industrial espionage or Intellectual Property theft, looking to leave and take clients with them?

Who is looked up and why could potentially identify the perpetrators. So could the time of searches pinpoint who was in the office and identify the culprit. If it's Ginny and he lied, thats griss misconduct at the least.

Depending on how sensitive the data held is, this is a very serious matter. Iirc, a doctor was struck off recently for accessing the medical records of an ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend.

The Information Commissioner's Office should be notified of data breaches....

Was the GDPR breach reported? Because if it wasn’t… oh dearie me.

It makes me so angry that women are having to endure these constant sexist and incredibly offensive comments in the name of inclusion.

I hope we're nearly at a point where a sex discrimination case in respect of these kinds of daily anti-woman comments in the workplace can be taken seriously on the basis of the protected characteristics of sex and gender critical beliefs. If this weren't a trans person, they'd never get away with denigrating women like this in a professional environment.

Women shouldn't be forced out of their jobs because men are impersonating them. It's like a parasite masquerading as a host before destroying it and moving on to the next one.

And obviously most male bosses won't notice the sexism as they've never noticed it, so it's easy for transwomen to convince men it's just the odd bigot who has a problem.

It really shouldn't be the case that we feel forced out of our jobs to protect our own mental health.

When I was small, my siblings used to try to get me to have a tantrum by saying things to me that were blatant lies and pretend they were true. I was quite a literal child, so to be told that dolls really came to life at night or that granny was Russian, when these were obvious lies would ‘give me The Rage’ as my mother used to say (not that she tried to stop them - I was the youngest of many).

I still don’t find it comfortable when people lie to my face and I certainly won’t lie. Especially when everyone knows that it’s a lie.

Another one who didn’t see your first thread, utterly horrified for you and of course you shouldn’t feel bad for apologising or struggling with your mental health 💐

As for the delusions, they’d be hilarious if the situation wasn’t so dire. I’ve often seen social media posts from TW about being catcalled and I can’t help wondering if they genuinely ARE getting heckled… but not in the way they think. So many fawning women on things like Facebook groups “you’re soooo gorgeous” etc it’s no wonder they assume it’ll happen IRL

See when you leave? Just send this thread round the staff email and strut out the door singing “WORIADS, WORIADS, WORIADS”

I also would be tempted to try and reach out to the two men who’ve left, if possible, but it’s understandable if you don’t want to.

I'm gonna say it, are they fucking? They're fucking aren't they.

Thanks for this OP - this has been the best laugh of the day. Well for those of us on this thread, though how anyone in the office keeps a straight face if this is what your are having to listen to.

And thanks for your ealier thanks, so sorry it was littered with typos, I was so worked up about it.

Just another credit to you for keeping going in this totally batshittery!

(Are you able to say if Ginny got the job through a genuine application process, or was somehow mysteriously added to the workforce?)

I am so glad you still have your job. I caught the last thread right before it disappeared.

I was going to tell you it’s on to just lie your ass off in order to keep your job. “Oh, what a terribly misunderstanding! I actually said <insert whatever rhymes with the accusation>”

WORIADS: What does this stand for @stealtheatingtunnocks ?

Never saw your first thread OP but you have all my sympathy. Especially having to apologise, you did the right thing but I'm such a bad actress I'm not sure I could have done it.

PP upthread warned to be careful of what you say at the office in case of secret recording. I'd be very careful.

Also, if you don't have legal cover on your household insurance add it in. Mine has a 24 hour helpline and they were incredibly helpful sorting out an entirely different problem. It's just an extra layer of defence. I'm glad ACAS were helpful but since so many unions are captured it's worth having a back up.

Worthy of Respect in a Democratic Society

Thank you @RumNotRun !
From Maya, I take it?

Thanks for updating OP, I'd been thinking about you since your last thread.
Just echoing the pps who have said about the GDPR thing - you should not have an official warning for something you didn't do, the boss can't do that. Refresher GDPR for the whole staff is reasonable, warnings for the whole staff is not.
I think call ACAS and fight that one - it is grounds for a grievance against management.
Also, was the ICO advised of the data breach?

You need to write a book OP. This is bonkers

I read your first, now deleted, thread OP and I am also very glad you've come back.

I have nothing useful to add, save that if you keep a written record of what's going on, keep it in your handbag or similar and not in your desk drawer. Your boss may have a key.

Yes, everything you'll have recorded will be true but we live in a society where the truth is irrelevant.

Fingers crossed for you.

@Pudmyboy I'm not sure. I only knew the definition cause I have to look it up every time I see it.

Huge sympathies OP.

Two things caught my attention.
First, in respect of the building site incidents, pp is correct about zero tolerance for this in most places. I manage building sites,and I’ve had contractors removed from the job immediately whenever it’s happened on my site. So if it is genuinely happening to Ginny, he needs to report it to the site supervisor.

but that’s bye the bye.
It is grim that he’s sexually harassing you by regaling you with these tales. I’d be tempted to claim you find mention of his constant street harassment by random men very distressing, nay, triggering, and lodge a formal request to the boss that it isn’t discussed in the workplace (implying but not stating that you empathise, what with you having PTSD from similar experiences — doesn’t need to know the truth that you are actually triggered with fucking rage.)

I’m sure that if Ginny needs to work through all that distress, it would be more appropriate to discuss their personal problems with a trained counsellor, paid for by the ever ––sycophantic–– sorry, sympathetic boss. Obviously, unloading something so very personal (cough) over colleagues could be very unsafe for Ginny, it’s so important that this is handled by someone with the proper training and empathy.