Ginny - an update

[idontknowwhattosay23]

Massive apologies for the delay in an update. It's been tricky to know how to word it so that I don't get into trouble or have to ask for it to be taken down again. Plus I've been so depressed with the situation I haven't really known what to say.

I won't be able to post the full story as before so really this is only for the benefit of those that read the last (now deleted) thread and wondered what happened / can remember the details.

The meeting went ahead as planned, although with the massive twist that it wasn't actually just myself and "Ginny" but was turned into a whole office meeting, which turned into just giving Ginny a platform to talk about her life as a trans woman (all 6 months of it) and how she is constantly objectified by men, sexually harassed and cat called and suffers far more than any cis woman and as such, deserves (and needs so she doesn't harm herself) the support and cooperation of everyone in the office, especially other women. No, I'm not joking.

The tampon / being in the women's toilet issue was brushed under the carpet as quickly as possible and explained to us as a complex matter of dysphoria that we couldn't possibly grasp and was not to be spoken about again. We were then informed that female sanitary products would be provided by management in ALL toilets, men's women's and the disabled toilets to avoid any future "misunderstanding". I was asked if I wanted to apologise for my outburst and make a fresh start with Ginny, I did so because as I said in the last thread, I really need this job at the moment. I'm so disappointed in myself for doing so and feel gross. But I couldn't do anything else. I want to thank all those that said to just suck it up and apologise, it saved me my job 100% no question about it.

Overall it was bordering humiliating for all involved, we were spoken to like children and patronised beyond belief. Ginny has been given a new desk set up right by the bosses office, best view, newest computer and a client list that even people who have been there 10+ years wouldn't usually get a look in on and have been working hard to secure for a long time... myself and two other women have been relocated to the back office. Apparently absolutely unrelated incidents, based on "the continuing restructure of company operations to maximise productivity and output". Two men have handed in their notice, again entirely unrelated.... (I can't say much, please put the pieces together yourselves ❤️)

I'm speaking now because frankly I'm dreading Monday, as in physically feel crap and absolutely can't face going in, but for now I have to. I'm actively looking for another job and have had my 3 weeks holiday approved from mid-July so I just need to get through a week and a half and I'm free of the nonsense for a bit to regroup and figure out what I do next.

It's no understatement to say I am utterly baffled as to why there is such massive special treatment for Ginny, considering the huge mistakes they have made since starting and the constant drama. Current theories floated by colleagues suggest either the boss believes that this is legally how trans people need to be treated in the workplace and is entirely uneducated in it, thus airing massively on the side of caution and has pushed inclusivity so far he's excluded everyone else. And another theory to do with crushes that I couldn't possibly repeat.

So there we have it. I'm sorry it took a while to update, there is plenty more happening that I just can't really share at the moment. But when I can I will.

Actually if anyone is doing interviews tomorrow if you could stick any Tunnocks product in view of the person being interviewed them the OP can determine if you've read the thread or not!

I’m a firm believer in life giving you a nudge when needed, so this job becoming untenable is the universe’s way of saying it’s time to move onwards and upwards. As you say, it’s a stepping stone and you’re moving on to better things.

This situation is absolutely not a demonstration that you are “not the brightest”, all of this is an absolute mindfuck and just because someone has thought of an angle or action you didn’t, doesn’t make you worse than them in some way.

Absolutely best of luck for tomorrow, lots of MNers are right behind you cheering you on! <waves pom-poms>

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow OP and hoping your interview goes well x

I was really pleased to hear that others had stepped up. Good on them, whoever they are.

Hope it all goes well tomorrow

Well, @idontknowwhattosay23 , I read your first thread, with my heart in my mouth.

The flood of adrenaline through my system was exactly the same as when I challenged my DD's school on their misunderstanding of the Equality Act, and their following gaslighting. Including being threatened with the police for defamation, if I continued to talk to other parents about my concern.

I have been reading this second thread from the beginning (did you choose "Ginny" as the name based on Harry Potter and the glorious JKR?), but feel I can no longer lurk.

You have been pragmatic and resilient. I am so, so sorry that you have had to go through this.

It always feels to me like the Uncanny Valley, being asked to deny our instincts/observations of the world.

Being a woman doesn't mean being pretty, or giggly, or deferring to men.

It is blood, and pain.

It is fear.

It is being made to feel like a second class citizen, like a support human.

But we are so much more.

Every human alive is so, because we carried them.

And we stand with you.

You, my dear, will be fucking fabulous tomorrow.

OP, when I started following your threads, the one and only reason I could think of for the Boss behaviour was that they were, well, "you know" (I was really inclined to be juvenile and say "playing hide the sausage", but let's not lower the tone).

His poor wife. I hope that when everything implodes/explodes (and it will), his wife takes him to the cleaners for every single penny he's got. I don't feel sorry for silly men who got themselves involved in ridiculous situations like this.

You've got so much great advice in the PPs, I've nothing to add other than I'll be rooting for you, praying to all the powerful goddesses of universe: Diana, Minerva, St Joan of Arc, She Ra and Xena, amen. You've got this. 🙌🏼^
^

Good luck in your interview @idontknowwhattosay23 i’m sure you’ll smash it! They wouldn’t waste their time if they didn’t think you could do the role.

You probably wont see this as it is a bit late now and I hope you are safe in bed getting a good night's sleep.

I would say, not just because of the whole Ginny incident, that you are ready to move onto to a new job that will expand your experience (and your pay!).

What a rollercoaster of a week it has been for you.

And you have survived it and taken steps to overcome it.

This in itself should give you confidence for the interview.

Very best wishes for tomorrow.

@Idontknowwhattosay
Good luck for your interview. If it's online or phone, you can have notes to hand with all the things you'd like to say, so you don't forget to GO FOR IT!

Once you get a (this) job, you can take Mr Boss to one side and hand in your notice and tell him what has been happening when he is at meetings/not in the women's loo/not looking; you'll have nothing to lose.

If you don't get it (the hardest part is getting the interview and you've managed that), there will be other jobs now you are actively looking, you'll get through this. It will be a distant memory in a few months.

I have everything crossed for you. We are all there with you OP.

Solidarity! And all things un-mumsnetty
🤞🤗💐

Another to add to the chorus of good luck. It's such a pity lovely boss had an Achilles heel- his inability to calmly accept that he is the way he is, and deal fairly and honestly with his employees (and no doubt, family) because of it.

You can't stop the implosion so - onwards to a better life. Boss gave you a hand up when you needed it, you repaid him by working honestly and to the best of your ability. Honour is satisfied. You'll do fine.

Good luck for the interview!

Good luck for tomorrow x

OP hope interview went well.

Just to say, I don't think you're at all odd to find the situation with G so demoralising. I don't have to deal with this crap as close up as you and still find it really hard to deal with.

I think because learning to live as a woman has been a long, challenging, ongoing process for me, involving mixed and complex feelings and an effort at acceptance.

And some self-absorbed penis-haver pissing along, pretending to woman better than me on the basis of fuck all, demanding and getting special accommodations all over the place....

It's so left-field, unexpected, weird but also completely to type, as in it elevates male privilege (albeit in the name of femininity). So yes it's wearying and demoralising.

Don't feel bad that you didn't instigate the letters, OP. As you had been the focus of G's behaviour earlier, I think it's very sensible for you to step back and keep your head down. You are also the target of bullying, and that is really, really stressful, and it's hard to take the wide view when that's happening.

I hope your interview goes really well, OP! It sounds like it's time for you to move up a grade. Even if you don't get that particular job, the interview practice is really valuable, so it's a win no matter what happens.

I think it's also useful to consider the situation while putting the gender stuff aside. The gender stuff is the weapon that G is using, and it clouds the whole picture, as it's a very potent weapon. What I'm seeing is workplace bullying and a sudden change to a toxic workplace culture. It's almost impossible to change toxic workplace culture as a subordinate, so as sad as it is, it's time to move.

Please permit me to hijack. @Vebrithien . I am so pleased to see you. I followed your saga and hope that all is well with you now.

Adding to the chorus of good wishes for the interview. I know it's probably too late now, but in case you see it in time, in addition to preparing for the "why are you moving on " question, it might be an idea to rehearse an answer to "describe a time you resolved a difficult situation at work". Otherwise your brain is probably going to head straight to this situation, which is likely to be unhelpful. Best of luck.

^^ that's really good advice.
Think of something really non controversial.

All the best for today. You've got this!

The best of British for the interview, OP. You've been very badly served and dealt with it very well. You deserve much better than this so I hope you get this job and shake the dust of Ginny's Lair off your heels.

Good luck today, @idontknowwhattosay23 ! I really hope you get the job… apart from the small part of me that REALLY wants to know what happens to Ginny. Promise us if you get the job you’ll keep in touch with your current colleagues so you can keep us all updated! x

Good luck for your interview today OP! you'll smash it x

Yes, this is a really good idea

Adding my good wishes for today's interview, OP.

Good luck for the interview today

You will smash it.
You have a whole army of Mnetters behind you 😀

It's as if the world is being held hostage by a deranged dictatorship or miltary coup.