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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Ginny - an update

1000 replies

idontknowwhattosay23 · 09/07/2023 13:02

Massive apologies for the delay in an update. It's been tricky to know how to word it so that I don't get into trouble or have to ask for it to be taken down again. Plus I've been so depressed with the situation I haven't really known what to say.

I won't be able to post the full story as before so really this is only for the benefit of those that read the last (now deleted) thread and wondered what happened / can remember the details.

The meeting went ahead as planned, although with the massive twist that it wasn't actually just myself and "Ginny" but was turned into a whole office meeting, which turned into just giving Ginny a platform to talk about her life as a trans woman (all 6 months of it) and how she is constantly objectified by men, sexually harassed and cat called and suffers far more than any cis woman and as such, deserves (and needs so she doesn't harm herself) the support and cooperation of everyone in the office, especially other women. No, I'm not joking.

The tampon / being in the women's toilet issue was brushed under the carpet as quickly as possible and explained to us as a complex matter of dysphoria that we couldn't possibly grasp and was not to be spoken about again. We were then informed that female sanitary products would be provided by management in ALL toilets, men's women's and the disabled toilets to avoid any future "misunderstanding". I was asked if I wanted to apologise for my outburst and make a fresh start with Ginny, I did so because as I said in the last thread, I really need this job at the moment. I'm so disappointed in myself for doing so and feel gross. But I couldn't do anything else. I want to thank all those that said to just suck it up and apologise, it saved me my job 100% no question about it.

Overall it was bordering humiliating for all involved, we were spoken to like children and patronised beyond belief. Ginny has been given a new desk set up right by the bosses office, best view, newest computer and a client list that even people who have been there 10+ years wouldn't usually get a look in on and have been working hard to secure for a long time... myself and two other women have been relocated to the back office. Apparently absolutely unrelated incidents, based on "the continuing restructure of company operations to maximise productivity and output". Two men have handed in their notice, again entirely unrelated.... (I can't say much, please put the pieces together yourselves ❤️)

I'm speaking now because frankly I'm dreading Monday, as in physically feel crap and absolutely can't face going in, but for now I have to. I'm actively looking for another job and have had my 3 weeks holiday approved from mid-July so I just need to get through a week and a half and I'm free of the nonsense for a bit to regroup and figure out what I do next.

It's no understatement to say I am utterly baffled as to why there is such massive special treatment for Ginny, considering the huge mistakes they have made since starting and the constant drama. Current theories floated by colleagues suggest either the boss believes that this is legally how trans people need to be treated in the workplace and is entirely uneducated in it, thus airing massively on the side of caution and has pushed inclusivity so far he's excluded everyone else. And another theory to do with crushes that I couldn't possibly repeat.

So there we have it. I'm sorry it took a while to update, there is plenty more happening that I just can't really share at the moment. But when I can I will.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
BobaFeta · 13/07/2023 20:38

You were never in the wrong op. I'm glad your colleagues have stepped up too
Thing is, sounds like it's about to implode anyway and likelihood is if it carries on business won't be viable. Focus on getting a new role for yourself and leave the negative energy of this one behind.

Boiledbeetle · 13/07/2023 20:42

remember tomorrow they wouldn't be interviewing you if you couldn't do the job.

Plus nobody else is going to be there to blow your trumpet for you so you are going to have to.

LonginesPrime · 13/07/2023 20:42

It must be such a relief to have some sort of explanation for your boss's extreme change in behaviour and all the sudden nastiness.

And I'm so glad your colleagues took the lead on clarifying what happened today (assuming they actually follow through with submitting it to him).

Good luck tomorrow, OP - onward and upward!

TattoedLady · 13/07/2023 20:43

Good luck tomorrow OP, I read your first thread and this one is just sheer madness. So glad for you though that your colleagues are on the same page as you.

I interview quite regularly and I can tell you that there will be people interviewed tomorrow with half your qualifications and none of your resilience. You already know the interviewers are interested in you because they called you for an interview, so you have a foot in the door. Now put aside the 'above my grade' thoughts and give it all you've got! Best of luck 🍀

Tinysoxx · 13/07/2023 20:44

Another one wishing you the best of luck.

Fine workplaces across the country get trashed when the boss misbehaves - this one has a bit of a twist. It’s such a shame but I agree you are better off out of it now. How can the boss and his company come out of this with any dignity?

Badger1970 · 13/07/2023 20:44

Good luck tomorrow, OP.

RogersOrganismicProcess · 13/07/2023 20:45

Good luck op

Brefugee · 13/07/2023 20:46

Gosh OP.
So you need to concentrate on the interview - good luck with that.
Hope for the best (new job) plan for the worst (at least a few more months where you are now). You need to develop a strategy of how you approach boss and colleague, and be very careful with your other colleagues that none of you give any impression of shunning and bullying.

I suggest you all keep your own diaries, schedule of events. And that if ever any of you is stuck one-on-one with G - you immediately start at least recording the convo if not overtly filming it.

CurseYouPerryThePlatypus · 13/07/2023 20:46

Well done OP I agree don’t message colleagues, it’ll be hard not to know over the weekend but like you say not worth the paper trail.

And stop that talk of not being the smartest just because you didn’t think of doing the written statement - it’s ok not to think of everything, and you were more emotionally involved with what went on today than your colleagues because you’d been through the humiliation of the tampon incident.

Be kind to, and proud of, yourself.

Pudmyboy · 13/07/2023 20:46

TattoedLady · 13/07/2023 20:43

Good luck tomorrow OP, I read your first thread and this one is just sheer madness. So glad for you though that your colleagues are on the same page as you.

I interview quite regularly and I can tell you that there will be people interviewed tomorrow with half your qualifications and none of your resilience. You already know the interviewers are interested in you because they called you for an interview, so you have a foot in the door. Now put aside the 'above my grade' thoughts and give it all you've got! Best of luck 🍀

This!! Brilliant post! Take this with you OP!

Tallisker · 13/07/2023 20:47

Oh I can't wait for the next update - the one that says you were offered the great job! Go you, you've got this. You're absolutely worth it Smile

idontknowwhattosay23 · 13/07/2023 20:47

BobaFeta · 13/07/2023 20:38

You were never in the wrong op. I'm glad your colleagues have stepped up too
Thing is, sounds like it's about to implode anyway and likelihood is if it carries on business won't be viable. Focus on getting a new role for yourself and leave the negative energy of this one behind.

It's very sad, really. Boss and his wife have built it from the ground up, and implode is the right word. I can see it all going horribly. I actually don't want to be there to see it happen, which I'm convinced now it absolutely will. It always does.

OP posts:
Ourladycheesusedatum · 13/07/2023 20:47

Adding to the MN massive. Bloody hope you get through your interview well. And to the next stage and beyond.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I'm happy your colleagues also are on your side. It definitely helps to know your not left hanging in the cold alone.

Given the new info, leave without burning bridges. You never know if you'll be asked back when Ginny has left (if theres anything left of the company to go back to) and given your (hopefully) new role, you could ask for more money commensurate with your improve skills.

LonginesPrime · 13/07/2023 20:48

I'm sure this probably goes without saying, but given the day you've had, OP, I would prioritise thoroughly rehearsing your answer to "why are you looking to move from your current role?" to make sure you can rattle off your chosen words with a positive energy and without letting any emotion as to why you're really wanting out creep into your thoughts.

idontknowwhattosay23 · 13/07/2023 20:48

TattoedLady · 13/07/2023 20:43

Good luck tomorrow OP, I read your first thread and this one is just sheer madness. So glad for you though that your colleagues are on the same page as you.

I interview quite regularly and I can tell you that there will be people interviewed tomorrow with half your qualifications and none of your resilience. You already know the interviewers are interested in you because they called you for an interview, so you have a foot in the door. Now put aside the 'above my grade' thoughts and give it all you've got! Best of luck 🍀

I desperately needed to read that! You're so kind to have said that, it's the boost I needed! X

OP posts:
Tallisker · 13/07/2023 20:48

LonginesPrime · 13/07/2023 20:48

I'm sure this probably goes without saying, but given the day you've had, OP, I would prioritise thoroughly rehearsing your answer to "why are you looking to move from your current role?" to make sure you can rattle off your chosen words with a positive energy and without letting any emotion as to why you're really wanting out creep into your thoughts.

Excellent point

Pudmyboy · 13/07/2023 20:50

Loving being on this team!

CurzonDax · 13/07/2023 20:55

idontknowwhattosay23 · 13/07/2023 20:47

It's very sad, really. Boss and his wife have built it from the ground up, and implode is the right word. I can see it all going horribly. I actually don't want to be there to see it happen, which I'm convinced now it absolutely will. It always does.

Oh - he's married? And his wife helped him build the company? Are they still together? If so, it's going to be awful when this all comes out (and it will - Ginny's dramas will eventually make it so) - that poor woman will potentially see both her marriage and the business she helped build, explode at the same time.

Pudmyboy · 13/07/2023 20:58

Yes, the fallout from all this is extraordinary, all in such a short space of time. Mind boggling!

EdithStourton · 13/07/2023 20:58

I also feel a bit stupid as this idea was raised here and hadn't occurred to me at all, yet others in the office also had the same idea so I'm clearly not the brightest.
As a PP has said, do NOT think you are stupid. You were in no position to think clearly as you were under huge pressure and had just been publicly shamed in front of the whole office with the outrageous 'apology' you were obliged to make about tampongate.

Very good luck for tomorrow.

BobaFeta · 13/07/2023 21:04

Tallisker · 13/07/2023 20:48

Excellent point

Yep. Make it about taking that next ambitious step/challenge that you are ready for.
Smash it op. (And honestly, no one reacts well under that kind of stress and pressure so no, I wouldn't expect you to be coming up with all the answers. Whenever I have an issue I always ask for advice because being too close to it can blind what needs to be done.)

But actually, you've conducted yourself well here. It's not your fault your cheating boss is so unprofessional. (And no, I wouldn't go back if offered, he's shown his true colours)

mauvish · 13/07/2023 21:04

There's no way you sound stupid! And this crazy situation into which you've been pushed would blindside anyone. As others have said, you were the first casualty so your head was already spinning from tampongate; your coworkers were a little more distant from the trouble until today, so maybe they'd had time to think, "if that happens again ---"

Anyway, enough of the current shitshow, onwards and upwards! Get in there tomorrow and WOW them!

ThatFraggle · 13/07/2023 21:05

Bigup MN massive.

Interviewer: What are your strengths?
OP: I have a massive horde of invisible supporters standing behind me.
Interviewer: ...
OP: grins
Interviewer: Are – are they in the room right now?
OP: Yes
Interviewer: Well, thanks for coming in, OP. We'll be in touch.

idontknowwhattosay23 · 13/07/2023 21:07

Pudmyboy · 13/07/2023 20:58

Yes, the fallout from all this is extraordinary, all in such a short space of time. Mind boggling!

I don't want to get overly emotional about it, but this job was an absolute dream until all of this happened. I was recently single after 16 years, I hadn't been in work for 4 years whilst I had the children, I was at my absolute lowest and this job gave me a life back. The boss paid for training, took me under his wing, paid me over the advertised salary, made me feel so included and part of the team. I feel like he gave me a chance when no one else would of, I had zero confidence and was in hindsight, in a deep depression over how my life had changed so quickly. And now within a few short months it's all crumbled away. But, what is keeping me a bit grounded is that it's been a stepping stone that I needed and has overall been a massive positive. I'm just a bit sad because after I became single I definitely have some anxiety in relation to providing stability for me and the kids and this job felt like the safest place in the world, but I suppose that's a life lesson isn't it, I need to be my own stability and not look for it anywhere else ever again.

OP posts:
Boiledbeetle · 13/07/2023 21:10

ThatFraggle · 13/07/2023 21:05

Bigup MN massive.

Interviewer: What are your strengths?
OP: I have a massive horde of invisible supporters standing behind me.
Interviewer: ...
OP: grins
Interviewer: Are – are they in the room right now?
OP: Yes
Interviewer: Well, thanks for coming in, OP. We'll be in touch.

😁 Yeah maybe she should keep quiet about the MN women standing behind her. She'll know we are there, the interviewer doesn't need to! 😁

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