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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Ginny - an update

1000 replies

idontknowwhattosay23 · 09/07/2023 13:02

Massive apologies for the delay in an update. It's been tricky to know how to word it so that I don't get into trouble or have to ask for it to be taken down again. Plus I've been so depressed with the situation I haven't really known what to say.

I won't be able to post the full story as before so really this is only for the benefit of those that read the last (now deleted) thread and wondered what happened / can remember the details.

The meeting went ahead as planned, although with the massive twist that it wasn't actually just myself and "Ginny" but was turned into a whole office meeting, which turned into just giving Ginny a platform to talk about her life as a trans woman (all 6 months of it) and how she is constantly objectified by men, sexually harassed and cat called and suffers far more than any cis woman and as such, deserves (and needs so she doesn't harm herself) the support and cooperation of everyone in the office, especially other women. No, I'm not joking.

The tampon / being in the women's toilet issue was brushed under the carpet as quickly as possible and explained to us as a complex matter of dysphoria that we couldn't possibly grasp and was not to be spoken about again. We were then informed that female sanitary products would be provided by management in ALL toilets, men's women's and the disabled toilets to avoid any future "misunderstanding". I was asked if I wanted to apologise for my outburst and make a fresh start with Ginny, I did so because as I said in the last thread, I really need this job at the moment. I'm so disappointed in myself for doing so and feel gross. But I couldn't do anything else. I want to thank all those that said to just suck it up and apologise, it saved me my job 100% no question about it.

Overall it was bordering humiliating for all involved, we were spoken to like children and patronised beyond belief. Ginny has been given a new desk set up right by the bosses office, best view, newest computer and a client list that even people who have been there 10+ years wouldn't usually get a look in on and have been working hard to secure for a long time... myself and two other women have been relocated to the back office. Apparently absolutely unrelated incidents, based on "the continuing restructure of company operations to maximise productivity and output". Two men have handed in their notice, again entirely unrelated.... (I can't say much, please put the pieces together yourselves ❤️)

I'm speaking now because frankly I'm dreading Monday, as in physically feel crap and absolutely can't face going in, but for now I have to. I'm actively looking for another job and have had my 3 weeks holiday approved from mid-July so I just need to get through a week and a half and I'm free of the nonsense for a bit to regroup and figure out what I do next.

It's no understatement to say I am utterly baffled as to why there is such massive special treatment for Ginny, considering the huge mistakes they have made since starting and the constant drama. Current theories floated by colleagues suggest either the boss believes that this is legally how trans people need to be treated in the workplace and is entirely uneducated in it, thus airing massively on the side of caution and has pushed inclusivity so far he's excluded everyone else. And another theory to do with crushes that I couldn't possibly repeat.

So there we have it. I'm sorry it took a while to update, there is plenty more happening that I just can't really share at the moment. But when I can I will.

OP posts:
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pinklama · 13/07/2023 20:07

I think now a deflect, grey rock position & just smile and wave, 'of course Ginny', 'whatever you say Ginny', 'yes Ginny', 'sorry I did not mean to undermine your emotional outburst as genuine concern Ginny'. Just meet CF with CF. And best of luck in your interview..

SageRosemary · 13/07/2023 20:11

I predict ..... that Ginny won't be back to work next Monday.
Definitely will be gone by end of month.

Ohshitakimushrooms · 13/07/2023 20:13

Ginny is a cuntasaurs. There I said it

SelfPortraitWithHagstone · 13/07/2023 20:16

You did say it, mushrooms, but what actually is a cuntasaurs? Is it like being a cunt?

Ohshitakimushrooms · 13/07/2023 20:18

I think so, just an awful, person who demands everyone to pander to them on a massive dinosaur scale

Bubblyb00b · 13/07/2023 20:20

Good luck with your interview OP! Ginny is something else, but its your boss who is enabling this. Unbelievable.

idontknowwhattosay23 · 13/07/2023 20:22

Evening everyone,

Thanks ever so much for all the smart ideas and support, I have no clue what position I'd be in by now without you lot.

Lunch went fine, no drama at least. When we got back to the office everyone was very aware of how much downtime we have had today and it was a case of head down and get as much done as you can so the afternoon flew in.

2 points of interest:

Firstly, several others have already written accounts of what happened this morning and asked everyone who was there to sign them, which I did. It's taken a huge amount of pressure off me that others have taken the lead in calling this out. I feel considerably less alone in this now as I didn't suggest / come up with any of documents that were passed around and signed today. I also feel a bit stupid as this idea was raised here and hadn't occurred to me at all, yet others in the office also had the same idea so I'm clearly not the brightest. I also had to leave early to fetch the kids and didn't see these being handed to the boss and I'm off work tomorrow so I won't know until Monday how it was received unless I message someone from work to ask but I really don't want a WhatsApp paper trail of me saying / asking ANYTHING to do with G.

Secondly, I believe the above efforts to be entirely futile because (and I have to be very careful how I word this) it has become crystal clear to me since our lunch out, exactly why the boss is giving preferential treatment to G. It's a theory that I've seen floated here and sort of brushed over and not responded to because it seemed totally impossible to me. But sadly after what I've seen, I'm almost entirely convinced this theory is correct. Of course this is only my opinion and I'm not making any accusations, merely a personal observation. I'm incredibly disappointed.

Overall I'm feeling a bit drained by it all and now a bit sad on top of it. If what I think to be true indeed is, then it's a pointless battle. Something i can say that I think gives some context, I didn't know before today was that boss and G have known one another outside of a work capacity for many months prior to G starting with us. So. There we have it.

My telephone interview is tomorrow at 11, if by some miracle I get past this stage I will have in person interview next week. Please keep everything crossed for me! This job is really above my grade but they've seen my CV and have shown some interest so I'm keeping my hopes up I might get lucky. The pay increase alone would be life changing for me and the kids.

OP posts:
Toasty280 · 13/07/2023 20:25

Good luck tomorrow

idontknowwhattosay23 · 13/07/2023 20:27

Toasty280 · 13/07/2023 20:25

Good luck tomorrow

Thank you ❤️ and to all the lovely posters who have wished me well for tomorrow. I'm going to do my absolute best so at least if it's not a good outcome I can say I gave it a good go! Face mask and lavender oil bath tonight in an attempt to get my head settled for it 🤣

OP posts:
FlamingMadKatie · 13/07/2023 20:27

Very best wishes for tomorrow 🤞🏻

murasaki · 13/07/2023 20:27

Good luck tomorrow. Nice relaxing bath this evening and try not to think about current work.

DeanElderberry · 13/07/2023 20:28

Very best wishes. And enjoy the weekend.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 13/07/2023 20:30

I'm gobsmacked by your latest update! However, I'd say put it to the back of your mind and concentrate on that interview tomorrow! Try to anticipate the kind of questions they make ask, usually guided by the person and job spec. The way you express yourself on here makes me think you're a very smart cookie and you have all your MN friends cheering you on! Good luck!

Pudmyboy · 13/07/2023 20:30

Very best of luck for tomorrow, as others have said, and you also realise, they have seen your CV and are interested in you and want to know more, they really wouldn't bother otherwise!
Give it your best (as if you wouldn't!) , we are all rooting for you, all your posts have been clear and articulate (and discreet) showing you are a great communicator, I am sure you will shine tomorrow 💐

BobaFeta · 13/07/2023 20:31

This could be the thing that makes you op. Really positive they're seeing you and have confidence, remember everyone at the top had to start at the bottom and moving up is a natural progression and in no way out of your reach. Stifle that female socialisation and have confidence in yourself.

BriceNobeslovesMurielHeslop · 13/07/2023 20:31

Good luck OP!

idontknowwhattosay23 · 13/07/2023 20:33

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 13/07/2023 20:30

I'm gobsmacked by your latest update! However, I'd say put it to the back of your mind and concentrate on that interview tomorrow! Try to anticipate the kind of questions they make ask, usually guided by the person and job spec. The way you express yourself on here makes me think you're a very smart cookie and you have all your MN friends cheering you on! Good luck!

😩 this is so kind, and it means so much. Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to day that, you've made my day. And the poster earlier who said to imagine all the mumsnet friends at lunch supporting me, it's all so very kind x

OP posts:
SelfPortraitWithHagstone · 13/07/2023 20:34

Good luck! I'm absolutely rooting for you - if this one doesn't come up trumps another one will. 💐

Pudmyboy · 13/07/2023 20:34

I didn't know before today was that boss and G have known one another outside of a work capacity for many months prior to G starting with us. So. There we have it.
Sad though this is, hopefully it will inspire you to look after yourself and not worry in any way about your soon-to-be ex job

ThatFraggle · 13/07/2023 20:34

Ah, so they're shagging.

Ridemeginger · 13/07/2023 20:36

OP, do you know how many men apply for jobs they aren't fully qualified for? Men like this Ginny person, for example, who. is clearly out of their depth. Have confidence, be clear that you have loads of relevant experience, and that you're absolutely willing to do what it takes to fill the job description and learn any new skills needed. Don't undersell yourself, like so many women do. Good luck!

SelfPortraitWithHagstone · 13/07/2023 20:36

I love the idea of a phantom MN posse standing behind you, glaring at anyone who dares to be shitty. 😁We're there in spirit...

idontknowwhattosay23 · 13/07/2023 20:36

Pudmyboy · 13/07/2023 20:34

I didn't know before today was that boss and G have known one another outside of a work capacity for many months prior to G starting with us. So. There we have it.
Sad though this is, hopefully it will inspire you to look after yourself and not worry in any way about your soon-to-be ex job

It's totally turned the situation on its head for me and explained questions I had about things that made no sense. Although I'm a bit sad, I'm also much calmer. I feel as though I'm not as in the wrong as I thought I was or was being made to feel, there's external factors very much clouding things for my boss, I believe.

OP posts:
CurzonDax · 13/07/2023 20:38

Just want to add my best wishes for tomorrow too, OP!

lordloveadog · 13/07/2023 20:38

Good luck tomorrow! You are an awesome communicator.

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