Ginny - an update

[idontknowwhattosay23]

Massive apologies for the delay in an update. It's been tricky to know how to word it so that I don't get into trouble or have to ask for it to be taken down again. Plus I've been so depressed with the situation I haven't really known what to say.

I won't be able to post the full story as before so really this is only for the benefit of those that read the last (now deleted) thread and wondered what happened / can remember the details.

The meeting went ahead as planned, although with the massive twist that it wasn't actually just myself and "Ginny" but was turned into a whole office meeting, which turned into just giving Ginny a platform to talk about her life as a trans woman (all 6 months of it) and how she is constantly objectified by men, sexually harassed and cat called and suffers far more than any cis woman and as such, deserves (and needs so she doesn't harm herself) the support and cooperation of everyone in the office, especially other women. No, I'm not joking.

The tampon / being in the women's toilet issue was brushed under the carpet as quickly as possible and explained to us as a complex matter of dysphoria that we couldn't possibly grasp and was not to be spoken about again. We were then informed that female sanitary products would be provided by management in ALL toilets, men's women's and the disabled toilets to avoid any future "misunderstanding". I was asked if I wanted to apologise for my outburst and make a fresh start with Ginny, I did so because as I said in the last thread, I really need this job at the moment. I'm so disappointed in myself for doing so and feel gross. But I couldn't do anything else. I want to thank all those that said to just suck it up and apologise, it saved me my job 100% no question about it.

Overall it was bordering humiliating for all involved, we were spoken to like children and patronised beyond belief. Ginny has been given a new desk set up right by the bosses office, best view, newest computer and a client list that even people who have been there 10+ years wouldn't usually get a look in on and have been working hard to secure for a long time... myself and two other women have been relocated to the back office. Apparently absolutely unrelated incidents, based on "the continuing restructure of company operations to maximise productivity and output". Two men have handed in their notice, again entirely unrelated.... (I can't say much, please put the pieces together yourselves ❤️)

I'm speaking now because frankly I'm dreading Monday, as in physically feel crap and absolutely can't face going in, but for now I have to. I'm actively looking for another job and have had my 3 weeks holiday approved from mid-July so I just need to get through a week and a half and I'm free of the nonsense for a bit to regroup and figure out what I do next.

It's no understatement to say I am utterly baffled as to why there is such massive special treatment for Ginny, considering the huge mistakes they have made since starting and the constant drama. Current theories floated by colleagues suggest either the boss believes that this is legally how trans people need to be treated in the workplace and is entirely uneducated in it, thus airing massively on the side of caution and has pushed inclusivity so far he's excluded everyone else. And another theory to do with crushes that I couldn't possibly repeat.

So there we have it. I'm sorry it took a while to update, there is plenty more happening that I just can't really share at the moment. But when I can I will.

I hope the lunch is delicious, but it does sound as though it has been set up as a way of ensuring you and your colleagues can't talk to each other unsupervised, which is very much not what legally mandated lunch breaks are about.

Oh and try to keep in mind that you have an interview so very soon this could be very much not your problem.

I really hope that all 14 of you have successful interviews tomorrow (with different places) and that the boss has to cope with mass departure.

@Pudmyboy It's the only reason I can think of. This or Ginny has some dirt on the boss, like pics or videos and he's threatened to send them to Boss' family, clients, etc. it simply has to be that, why any sane business owner would run his business to the ground willing like that? Baffling!

Get signed off! This is work related stress! Then watch your boss have to tread carefully around YOU instead of others who sound veery bizarre! Good luck, I’ve been there as the solo earner with kids, use that to your advantage with the GP, maybe you need to be signed off for a month or two and then in that time get job hunting full time. Xx

I hope you've gone to lunch.

Good luck in your interview tomorrow.

If you get the job and decide to take it, I would suggest a 'radical candor' exit meeting with your boss. Look it up if you haven't heard about it before. I found it quite freeing with my old shit boss - keep it about work.

Your boss does need to know about Ginny locking you all out though. You are all capitulating to her and your boss is only getting her narrative.

Is it possible that the boss is terrified of Ginny and the whole trans thing and thinks that if he sets a foot wrong he'll have a tribunal on his hands, and so is going way too far in the other direction?

I know if I'd built a business up from scratch I wouldn't want someone on the staff like this to destroy it, but even in the private sector firing people isn't easy, esp people like Ginny.

Mm. Much sympathy for how horrible it is going through this. However you're actually not giving the boss the material he urgently needs in order to deal with Ginny. From what you've described, he may already be wise to her behaviour and determined not to allow her to bring an Employment Tribunal claim.

The only fingerprint-protected computer even thought it's not fully suitable (while you're all trusted with the old system); moving you folks into your own room so you're not subjected to her banter, while she's sat under the boss's eye...

He may well be giving her enough rope to hang herself (metaphorically speaking, before anyone suggests that's meant literally).

You now have that rope, and can hand it to him in writing so he can use it. Think of your audience as being the judge in an Employment Tribunal.

Dear Boss

We're sorry we didn't tell you this immediately you arrived, but you caught us on the hop by speaking in front of Ginny and we didn't want to set her off again.

What actually happened this morning is as follows:
Ginny spilt coffee on the servers leads.
The servers went down.
Ginny started screaming and having a meltdown.
We stepped into the carpark for five minutes to give her her own space to deal with it.
As soon as we were all outside, Ginny bolted us out.
All n of us witnessed this.
She didn't open the door again, even though we knocked [if you did], so we went to the coffee shop to wait.
We could have told you this while you were at your important business meeting, but didn't like to disturb you and decided to wait till you came in.
We have not been able to check XYZ logs / CCTV, but if un-tampered-with they should reflect the above series of events.

How I wish someone had recorded Ginny's meltdown this morning.

I'd be surprised if the boss really thinks you all, 14 was it?, went out together to a coffee shop on a normal working Thursday morning. He must know something is badly wrong, even if he's ignoring it.

Are all your colleagues really desperate to keep their job there? If I were an approaching retirement colleague of yours, I'd be only too happy to tell the boss all.

I think this is more likely. He's worried about a lawsuit and being outed as a "transphobic company". Therefore he's bending over backwards to prioritise her - you dont know what she said to him either, she may have mentioned legal action and he's now terrified.

He's a bit of an idiot for giving her all the important accounts because when she messes up he's stuck with her and its going to make it even harder for him to extricate himself from this mess

NB it's not your responsibility to save the business or help the boss, though!

If just leaving quietly suits you better, go for it. Lots of good luck for your interview!

OP, hope you are ok - I just wanted you to really reconsider using your savings - please go to your GP and get signed off for stress, just explain the situation in general and say what you said here that you are literally having panic attacks at the thought of going to the office. This should give you a couple of months to get yourself sorted, in that time you wither find another job for sure.
Getting medical record would also help if Ginny will decide to create further shit storm.

I'm not sure, seeing how "ginny" is coming across, that Ginny is smart enough to fudge the logs?

Good luck with the interview op. This has all been so rage-inducing and disgusting.

Stay strong OP, we have your back.
Hope the lunch is bearable...alternatively that someone cracks in the face of more Ginny fantasy and spills the beans about this morning.

Failing that, approach senior colleagues immediately after lunch, in fact message them now to say you need to talk urgently.
Then make your plan, either jointly signed email or whatever else your colleagues think.

Courage!!

I'm very surprised that none of the staff told the boss what happened. I can't imagine 14 staff members silenced because someone else acted unprofessionally. It beggars belief.
OP you don't need to update MN every five minutes. If you can't face work, get signed off. Feeding into all the drama and reporting it here, obviously isn't helping with your MH or sense of perspective.

I see, my goodness. This is just so awful how this has all turned out.... The world has gone mad.
Thank you for explaining that

Please don't just leave. You can get this job tomorrow - and if you don't there are plenty of jobs out there. You've got this.
Personally, I wouldn't recommend getting signed off sick with stress if you're planning on getting a new job, unless you absolutely have to. Mainly because your current company will report absences to your new place and I can't imagine you want to have to explain that.

I'd be surprised if the boss really thinks you all, 14 was it?, went out together to a coffee shop on a normal working Thursday morning. He must know something is badly wrong, even if he's ignoring it.

If he's drunk the KoolAid, or even just not thought about the KoolAid and has the general impression it's the right thing, he's probably assuming the thing that is badly wrong is that the office are bullying Ginny because transphobia.

It's really important the truth is documented and given to the boss. Whether he accepts it or not there needs to be a record other than Ginny's version because if there are further issues this will show a pattern over time. Without the non-Ginny version of events this pattern will appear to be that Ginny is being unfairly victimised.

As an aside, I often point out that the motives people ascribe to others are reflections of themselves. I do wonder how many of the irrational TRAs are driven by knowing damn well deep inside they actually find gender nonconformity wrong and discomforting and so are pushing themselves constantly to ignore it, kind of "if I drive it out of society I'll drive it out of myself". They can't think about it rationally because they haven't got a reasonable, stable place to start from.

Having seen how these people behave/react in many, many, MANY unhinged social media videos, I can fully believe that Ginny is like this and this is all very sadly real.

I hope you’re at the lunch sitting next to friends. As others say take some sick leave- the only person who will look after you here or your young dc is you and that will have to be your priority.

I know you're being overloaded with advice but I really want to stress that your boss needs to know the truth about what happened this morning. Even in an ordinary office environment with no fire/chemical/machinery hazards, an individual should not be locking others out (or in). For all sorts of reasons that space needs some kind of emergency override key.

This isn't about listing an individual's faults, it's about clarification of workplace safety. Keep your statement neutral and factual.

I agree with this. Keeping stuff from your boss means that he doesn't have a full picture of what is actually happening now.

There are over a dozen witnesses here.

Tell your boss factually what happened.

100% agree with this. It is a safety issue now.

First three paragraphs of this. ^^

And boss doesn't even need to assume Ginny is being bullied.

Ginny is telling him she's being bullied.

And when the boss raises it, no one corrects the story. In fact, one person actually apologises to Ginny.

How is the boss going to get the full picture if no one tells him?

That said, it's still not the OP's job to rescue the company.