Ginny - an update

[idontknowwhattosay23]

Massive apologies for the delay in an update. It's been tricky to know how to word it so that I don't get into trouble or have to ask for it to be taken down again. Plus I've been so depressed with the situation I haven't really known what to say.

I won't be able to post the full story as before so really this is only for the benefit of those that read the last (now deleted) thread and wondered what happened / can remember the details.

The meeting went ahead as planned, although with the massive twist that it wasn't actually just myself and "Ginny" but was turned into a whole office meeting, which turned into just giving Ginny a platform to talk about her life as a trans woman (all 6 months of it) and how she is constantly objectified by men, sexually harassed and cat called and suffers far more than any cis woman and as such, deserves (and needs so she doesn't harm herself) the support and cooperation of everyone in the office, especially other women. No, I'm not joking.

The tampon / being in the women's toilet issue was brushed under the carpet as quickly as possible and explained to us as a complex matter of dysphoria that we couldn't possibly grasp and was not to be spoken about again. We were then informed that female sanitary products would be provided by management in ALL toilets, men's women's and the disabled toilets to avoid any future "misunderstanding". I was asked if I wanted to apologise for my outburst and make a fresh start with Ginny, I did so because as I said in the last thread, I really need this job at the moment. I'm so disappointed in myself for doing so and feel gross. But I couldn't do anything else. I want to thank all those that said to just suck it up and apologise, it saved me my job 100% no question about it.

Overall it was bordering humiliating for all involved, we were spoken to like children and patronised beyond belief. Ginny has been given a new desk set up right by the bosses office, best view, newest computer and a client list that even people who have been there 10+ years wouldn't usually get a look in on and have been working hard to secure for a long time... myself and two other women have been relocated to the back office. Apparently absolutely unrelated incidents, based on "the continuing restructure of company operations to maximise productivity and output". Two men have handed in their notice, again entirely unrelated.... (I can't say much, please put the pieces together yourselves ❤️)

I'm speaking now because frankly I'm dreading Monday, as in physically feel crap and absolutely can't face going in, but for now I have to. I'm actively looking for another job and have had my 3 weeks holiday approved from mid-July so I just need to get through a week and a half and I'm free of the nonsense for a bit to regroup and figure out what I do next.

It's no understatement to say I am utterly baffled as to why there is such massive special treatment for Ginny, considering the huge mistakes they have made since starting and the constant drama. Current theories floated by colleagues suggest either the boss believes that this is legally how trans people need to be treated in the workplace and is entirely uneducated in it, thus airing massively on the side of caution and has pushed inclusivity so far he's excluded everyone else. And another theory to do with crushes that I couldn't possibly repeat.

So there we have it. I'm sorry it took a while to update, there is plenty more happening that I just can't really share at the moment. But when I can I will.

OP, what a nightmare. I hope you can write an anonymous email from you all that is an accurate account. The manager needs to know. He will have to be careful about moving Ginny on, but he may well want to. Good luck with the interview.

This all actually makes me cross in so many ways, including the impact on genuine trans people. Ginny sounds like they have a serious personality disorder and need some serious help. Really unhinged behaviour. I worked somewhere where a man transitioned to be a woman. They wrote a heart rending email to us all saying that it was either that or suicide as they couldn’t live like they were any longer. They were still amazing at their job and still just as lovely. We all really accepted the change because they were so genuine and congruent. This was years ago.

Ginny sounds like they are just playing a part (for whatever reason) and regardless of sex/gender/trans would be the same - incompetent and then blaming others for bullying. Then the systems designed to protect those being bullied are misused. It’s always the good employees that end up moving on, never the bullying incompetents. I’ve seen this pattern so many times.

I do agree with previous posters that he may be giving Ginny ‘enough rope’ as they are clearly incompetent and unemployable. But, to avoid a lawsuit your boss will need to play it by the book and be very careful.

OP, I read your previous thread.
I sincerely hope you are doing ok. I vote take some (couple of weeks) sick time for stress.
Good luck in your interview tomorrow.
Yes, future employers will likely find out but all you need to do is explain (if asked) it was for personal (rather than work) reasons and say the matter has resolved. Unless you wish to disclose it was for work reasons but I'd avoid mentioning any trans issues.
💐

Honestly OP I am completely disgusted for you. Your boss is an absolute dickhead swallowing this horseshit. I had some sympathy for him at the start but ffs does he REALLY believe his entire solid team has just suddenly become liars? Idiot 🙄

There's no benefit to OP raising it. One of the others can and should. They probably already have - privately to the boss.

Definitely write something like this. BUT unless everyone else can be trusted to confirm that this the truth, do it by sending an email or printed letter signed by everyone (or as many people as possible). The fact that everyone stood there saying nothing when it was clear G had lied to the boss, and let you make another humiliating apology when you had done nothing wrong, is a very bad sign. They sound extremely spineless. How could they stay silent when the boss was implying that the whole lot of you went off without G? But you could end up as the scapegoat for the whole thing.
I’ve been that person who spoke up about something that everyone agreed was wrong. Nobody supported me, they all sat there silently with that neutral smile, so it made me look like a troublemaker who was only speaking for myself. Not an experience I want to have again.
One way or another the boss needs to know that G had a tantrum and locked you out. She’s clearly told him an entirely different story. She’s successfully making fools of you all and won’t stop, because she holds all the power and is being indulged by the boss.
The boss knows something is up. The false jollity suggests discomfort. As a PP said, he’s probably terrified of getting on the wrong side of G and having the worst possible label applied to his company. It’s easier to make life difficult for the rest of you than to annoy G. This mustn’t be allowed to continue.
When things have calmed down a bit, someone (ideally a group of you) should find a way to explain to the boss that there is now a culture of fear in the company because of how he is with G and the way he’s willing to tell people off when she wants him to. The public apology stunt was unforgivable. G has now managed to get another one, after an outburst of extremely bad behaviour. The boss needs to be shown how damaging this is.

@idontknowwhattosay23 OMG you poor thing.

I didn’t read your original thread (as far as I can remember) but this is awful.

First thing you should do is try to get a doctor’s appointment and get written off with stress. No one should be crying at work, or locked out of their office by a screaming colleague.

Then, as others suggest - build solidarity with colleagues. Don’t do it during work time and don’t use your work email address, but try to get all your other colleagues to sign a record of what actually happened.

What do you want to have happen? Do you want your boss to acknowledge the harassment & gaslighting you’re suffering? Do you want Ginny to behave like a normal person? Do you want Ginny gone? Do you want to leave?

It’s worth thinking about this because your end goal will be important in thinking through what you do and how you do it.

I had a colleague who had a psychotic episode at work - it’s highly distressing for everyone.

Good luck and solidarity

Just wanted to add @idontknowwhattosay23
DON'T WALK OUT, DON'T RESIGN WITHOUT ANOTHER JOB LINED UP (and even then best to: GO OFF SICK! You have been driven to a genuine crisis by G and your boss.
You do not want the way you exit this job to negatively affect any offer of work in the future

Op - my advice right now is to keep your head down, finish for the day, go home have a bath and a glass of wine and focus on your interview for tomorrow.
If you can, take next week off - either leave or sick if you can. You sound stressed to the roof.
Your current workplace is toxic. Astonishing that if has gone from good to bad so quickly.
Given your boss has shown themselves to be spectacularly blinkered I wouldn't hold out much hope that it will recover.
Honest feedback when you leave about being utterly unsupported and coerced into being a prop in someone else's fantasy life..

I haven’t read the full thread but what I have read reminds me of the book “Snakes in suits”. It is a good book to understand the kind of behaviour described here. Gender identity ideology gives the “Snakes” a powerful new tool in their arsenals to use against unsuspecting colleagues and workplaces.

I’ve read all of this thread and I remember the first one. You have to tell your boss what’s going on. If you don’t he can’t act on it.
Absolutely fuming on your behalf.

I'm going to join the others and tell you to get signed off with stress for at least a month, so it gives you time to rethink, regroup and and look for another job in case you don't get the one tomorrow.

This will actually count in your favour if you ever decide to go for a constructive dismissal claim in the future.

You need time away from situation asap, call your GP and cry and beg if needed. You need to step away now

Totally agree- get signed off with stress. Your boss will have to mop up the mess he has created with this nonsense

Don't resign.. you really haven't done anything wrong but do need some space to regroup and get yourself a proper exit lined up.

This new strain of Covid is a bugger, you have to isolate, you don’t want to give it to anyone else.

OP, no advice as you have plenty but just wanted to say you're doing brilliantly in an awful situation, sending you lots of love, hugs , strength and support x

I hope the lunch goes without any problems for you, OP.

IIRC you have some annual leave coming up in July - so my suggestion is to just keep swimming, keeping your head down under the parapet until then.

The 14 of you absolutely should tell your boss exactly what happened, but it looks all too likely that others will be happy to keep their head down and watch you take the fire. Somebody else more senior than you needs to instigate taking the lead on the joint letter, not you, as you've already been branded as a problem due to the tampon situation, and quite likely due to you apologising on vehalf of the group. You "look" like a ringleader. By all means sign the factual letter if everybody else is, but please in order to protect yourself don't take the lead on it, and definitely don't be the one who sends or hands it to the boss.

It's not right and it's very unjust, but your priority is your kids and YOURSELF. Not your colleagues, who don't have your back. Not your boss. Certainly not cinderella.

Head down, keep a low profile, get another job and get out.

Those who are talking about constructive dismissal - in theory, yes. In practice it is difficult to prove and costly in terms of stress, time and money. The law around it favours the employers. It's just not a serious option for most of us the way it is often represented by well meaning people.

So angry for you, OP.

Ten minute mail.com

"This is sent from a disposable email address, so please do not respond to this email."

Message PP suggested.

How about office cctv? Wouldn't it have footage of G locking everyone out?

I agree with this.

It's absolutely not fair, but someone else needs to take the lead with explaining what happened today - i fear this could backfire spectacularly (again, totally unfair on you OP), if you were to get the ball rolling with providing an explanation of what REALLY happened.

By all means put your name, along with everyone else's to a letter or email that explains the days events with the accuracy that Ginny has clearly failed to provide, but please don't be the one to instigate this. Agree with a PP who also made the suggestion of names being added in alphabetical order so nothing can be misconstrued here, either.

Head down, find another job.

The reality of what is going on will become too awful for even your boss to continue to ignore at some point, but for now it's dangerous territory; others will have seen what's happened to you, everyone is most likely feeling bewildered. At some point someone will crack, then soneone else, and someone else, and folk will eventually start speaking up... Others will simply leave.

Ginny sounds absolutely horrendous.

If the boss wanted honest feedback on what is going on with Ginny he'd have behaved in normal, legal, constructive way. Asked everyone involved in a specific situation - Ginny and the OP in tampongate, Ginny and everyone in GDPRgate, Ginny and the women in follow-to-the-loogate, Ginny and the 14 in coffee-spill-lockoutgate, into a discussion space one by one and asked each of them to tell their story alone and in private (possibly with a neutral note taker or with a recording device), and then assessed the situation on the basis of full information and his experience of working with the individuals concerned.

He might have noticed a pattern.

That he has chosen not to do that speaks volumes, and leaves the OP with no obligation to tell him how badly he has managed the situation.

OPs colleagues all sound gutless and clueless too, the sooner she's out the better. Yes, get signed off for stress by the GP - do not spend your precious savings because of these fuckwits.

Don't resign. Keep records of everything.

Do not speak up and apologise to Ginny in future, allow one of your other colleagues to do it.

If your boss asks you what happened, be honest.. I am willing to share my perspective of events in private, but I am not willing to be forced to apologise publicly again as I do not believe that my position was fairly represented.

Didn't know about this, sounds like the perfect way to send the email....if a co-worker wants to, really feel OP is the only one with any bravery and she has been shredded for it.

Contact Glinner

You could sell him the rights to his next sit com

OP, I am raging for you. This is Kafkaesque.

Keep your head down, steer clear and do not engage with the fantasist at all. ‘Grey rock’ all the way. Let your colleagues take some of the undeserved flak for a change.

Your priority is maintaining an income for your family and finding another job as fast as possible. I wouldn’t hold out any hope for the atmosphere at this one improving in the near future.

Everything else is now of no importance to you. If Ginny runs the business into the ground that’s not your concern. You don’t owe your idiot of a boss anything.

Don’t resign. You never know when you might need your rainy day fund for unexpected bills. It shouldn’t be squandered for the likes of Ginny. If work gets too intolerable it would be better to be signed off with stress.

But if you can, hold out until you have something else to go to. I know that is much, much easier said than done.

Keep saying to yourself: “I am only here for the money.”

Good luck, OP. You have an army of well-wishers.