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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Ginny - an update

1000 replies

idontknowwhattosay23 · 09/07/2023 13:02

Massive apologies for the delay in an update. It's been tricky to know how to word it so that I don't get into trouble or have to ask for it to be taken down again. Plus I've been so depressed with the situation I haven't really known what to say.

I won't be able to post the full story as before so really this is only for the benefit of those that read the last (now deleted) thread and wondered what happened / can remember the details.

The meeting went ahead as planned, although with the massive twist that it wasn't actually just myself and "Ginny" but was turned into a whole office meeting, which turned into just giving Ginny a platform to talk about her life as a trans woman (all 6 months of it) and how she is constantly objectified by men, sexually harassed and cat called and suffers far more than any cis woman and as such, deserves (and needs so she doesn't harm herself) the support and cooperation of everyone in the office, especially other women. No, I'm not joking.

The tampon / being in the women's toilet issue was brushed under the carpet as quickly as possible and explained to us as a complex matter of dysphoria that we couldn't possibly grasp and was not to be spoken about again. We were then informed that female sanitary products would be provided by management in ALL toilets, men's women's and the disabled toilets to avoid any future "misunderstanding". I was asked if I wanted to apologise for my outburst and make a fresh start with Ginny, I did so because as I said in the last thread, I really need this job at the moment. I'm so disappointed in myself for doing so and feel gross. But I couldn't do anything else. I want to thank all those that said to just suck it up and apologise, it saved me my job 100% no question about it.

Overall it was bordering humiliating for all involved, we were spoken to like children and patronised beyond belief. Ginny has been given a new desk set up right by the bosses office, best view, newest computer and a client list that even people who have been there 10+ years wouldn't usually get a look in on and have been working hard to secure for a long time... myself and two other women have been relocated to the back office. Apparently absolutely unrelated incidents, based on "the continuing restructure of company operations to maximise productivity and output". Two men have handed in their notice, again entirely unrelated.... (I can't say much, please put the pieces together yourselves ❤️)

I'm speaking now because frankly I'm dreading Monday, as in physically feel crap and absolutely can't face going in, but for now I have to. I'm actively looking for another job and have had my 3 weeks holiday approved from mid-July so I just need to get through a week and a half and I'm free of the nonsense for a bit to regroup and figure out what I do next.

It's no understatement to say I am utterly baffled as to why there is such massive special treatment for Ginny, considering the huge mistakes they have made since starting and the constant drama. Current theories floated by colleagues suggest either the boss believes that this is legally how trans people need to be treated in the workplace and is entirely uneducated in it, thus airing massively on the side of caution and has pushed inclusivity so far he's excluded everyone else. And another theory to do with crushes that I couldn't possibly repeat.

So there we have it. I'm sorry it took a while to update, there is plenty more happening that I just can't really share at the moment. But when I can I will.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
Boiledbeetle · 13/07/2023 12:39

Honestly OP, go to the lunch, let your emotions get the better of you burst into tears at the table and take it from there. Maybe your boss needs to see what this is actually doing to his staff.

mangochops · 13/07/2023 12:40

I saw your original post OP and was so shocked at your appalling treatment I didnt know what to say. Well done for apologising though its awful you had to.

My advice would be to:

  1. Look for another job which you are doing - well done
  2. Try to disassociate your persona at work from the real you. Eg Beyonce has an alter ego called sasha fierce who is the one who gives her courage to go on stage and perform. Think of your work persona who has to put up with this crap as another "you"- give them a name, dont give that idiot anything more to complain about and as soon as you leave work leave that persona behind. Therefore, the real you is protected from work
  3. Try the paul mckenna trick of imagining any hurtful words she has said about you in a mickey mouse voice - make the voice ridiculous and humorous- this takes the sting out of hurtful words and prevents them from emotional effect
  4. Focus on as much self care as you can outside of work- build yourself up with exercise, time with friends, enjoyable activities
  5. Visualise getting a new fantastic job- do this at least twice a day
  6. Be satisfied in the knowledge that this WILL backfire on them- it might not be tomorrow, or even next month but it will happen. She will mess up these client accounts at some point and it will all fall to pieces. Anyone who is given responsibility like that on the basis of them being trans rather than their actual experience and skills of doing the job is going to fail, its just a matter of when, not if.
  7. Be strong- you have navigated this incredibly well and we all support you x
PatatiPatatras · 13/07/2023 12:40

I'd be tempted to not say anything, get your interview and leave. (yet another woman pushed out of a job and some are moaning about fence sitting).

If Ginny fixed the server crash, the server logs have most likely been tampered with, login details changed and one of you is on the hook and doesn't know.

Bring it up, G will ask for evidence and you'll have egg on your face. I also imagine there's no cctv.

If you do want to bring it up, go as a group and get all your evidence first.

idontknowwhattosay23 · 13/07/2023 12:42

Gosh I wish I could do a poll or something to help me see the general consensus.

Right I've about 5 minutes to decide if I'm going to the lunch or not, what do you think about that first of all, do I go? I've left it to late to speak to the other guys before lunch now, they're both on calls. Do I grit and bear my teeth through lunch then come back and speak to them / get the ball rolling?

Do I go home?

Do I just try and speak to these two before we rush out to lunch?

OP posts:
Lacucuracha · 13/07/2023 12:43

Just go to the lunch, it’s a free meal. There’s loads of you, try and sit far from G.

PatatiPatatras · 13/07/2023 12:44

Go to lunch. Take a rubber band for your wrist. I find it hard to limit small talk. But perfect you nod and smile.

Silvered · 13/07/2023 12:44

Go to lunch. Sit far away from G. Speak to the two chaps when you get back.

cocksstrideintheevening · 13/07/2023 12:46

Go to the lunch. I need to know how it goes

In seriousnsess, go, see what plays out and talk to the other two after. How long have you been there? What is your notice period?

porridgecake · 13/07/2023 12:48

PatatiPatatras · 13/07/2023 12:40

I'd be tempted to not say anything, get your interview and leave. (yet another woman pushed out of a job and some are moaning about fence sitting).

If Ginny fixed the server crash, the server logs have most likely been tampered with, login details changed and one of you is on the hook and doesn't know.

Bring it up, G will ask for evidence and you'll have egg on your face. I also imagine there's no cctv.

If you do want to bring it up, go as a group and get all your evidence first.

I would be very concerned about the possibility of tampering with logins or similar.
If you have proper tech support would it be possible to have everything checked?
Also, I wouldn't risk discussing anything on work premises, or typing anything on a work computer.
This person clearly has an agenda and is clever and devious.

Beowulfa · 13/07/2023 12:49

Go to the lunch. If boss is paying order something really yummy and expensive. If sat next to or near Ginny chat about work stuff; keep it as boring as possible. I was once in a flatshare with a really annoying woman and I know smiling vaguely and chatting blithely about the weather was not the response she wanted.

Please send boss a factual statement about what happened this morning; not phrased as slagging off a colleague but asking for formal guidance on what to do in the situation where one colleague locks others out after making a serious mistake. Reiterate that there are multiple witnesses.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 13/07/2023 12:49

Gotts hope someone else breaks over lunch & asks Ginny how difficult it was to get the servers back up & running after G spilt coffee on them this morning.

DeanElderberry · 13/07/2023 12:50

Make sure the email signatures are in alphabetical order, and rub that in by heading the names as signatories in alphabetical order so no-one can be labelled as a stirrer.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 13/07/2023 12:50

gotta, not gotts

BriceNobeslovesMurielHeslop · 13/07/2023 12:50

Go to the lunch. Try to minimise the chance of being accused of being in the huff.
You can do it, OP. Just remember that when Ginny says something like that, all of your other colleagues are rolling their eyes internally too. At least this mornings behaviour will have showcased Ginny’s issues to a wider audience.

DeanElderberry · 13/07/2023 12:51

can you/someone write it on a machine accessible by everyone?

Florissante · 13/07/2023 12:51

Fingers crossed that your interview tomorrow goes well, OP.

Chersfrozenface · 13/07/2023 12:52

If you go to the lunch, OP, just imagine all the posters on this thread silently, invisibly, standing behind your chair in support.

Pudmyboy · 13/07/2023 12:52

ifIwerenotanandroid · 13/07/2023 12:49

Gotts hope someone else breaks over lunch & asks Ginny how difficult it was to get the servers back up & running after G spilt coffee on them this morning.

Yes to this!! And it be one of the longstanding male colleagues, not OP!!!

SimonsCow · 13/07/2023 12:54

Really? You’re going to leave your job and use the small savings you have to live on because of this?! What if you need them in an emergency? (Boiler breaks, car breaks down, roof needs fixing etc). If it’s making you ill with stress then go to the GP and get signed off.

LameBorzoi · 13/07/2023 12:55

Yes, go. Not going gives G the power.

Mars27 · 13/07/2023 12:55

idontknowwhattosay23 · 13/07/2023 12:42

Gosh I wish I could do a poll or something to help me see the general consensus.

Right I've about 5 minutes to decide if I'm going to the lunch or not, what do you think about that first of all, do I go? I've left it to late to speak to the other guys before lunch now, they're both on calls. Do I grit and bear my teeth through lunch then come back and speak to them / get the ball rolling?

Do I go home?

Do I just try and speak to these two before we rush out to lunch?

OP, I haven't been posting on this thread but I've been following with attention as my place of work fully adhered to gender woo woo, Stonewall and Mermaids. I feel like I could be in your situation very soon.

Please go to lunch and grin and bear, that's that.

Do not speak to the senior members in a rush, wait for a more appropriate time.

The anonymous email: go to an internet cafe or buy a cheap PAYG phone with another PAYG SIM card with a different number from yours. Write a full detailed report and mention to your boss that no one feels comfortable raising that with him.

I've just skimmed through the other posts and haven't read them all so I don't know if anyone has raised the possibility of the boss been shagging Ginny because, quite frankly, that's the only reason I can think for such a behaviour.

Pudmyboy · 13/07/2023 12:55

idontknowwhattosay23 · 13/07/2023 12:42

Gosh I wish I could do a poll or something to help me see the general consensus.

Right I've about 5 minutes to decide if I'm going to the lunch or not, what do you think about that first of all, do I go? I've left it to late to speak to the other guys before lunch now, they're both on calls. Do I grit and bear my teeth through lunch then come back and speak to them / get the ball rolling?

Do I go home?

Do I just try and speak to these two before we rush out to lunch?

Do what feels best for you, if it feels like too much, don't go, if you think you can get through it, and want to do you can make connections with others, then go.
Sending you a very unMumsnetty hug 💐

giraffetrousers · 13/07/2023 12:56

Chersfrozenface · 13/07/2023 12:52

If you go to the lunch, OP, just imagine all the posters on this thread silently, invisibly, standing behind your chair in support.

Yes- this. I love this

BobaFeta · 13/07/2023 12:58

Go to lunch. Sit with your lovely back office ladies. If boss tries to rearrange seating arrangements order lots of food and concentrate on eating it.

Pudmyboy · 13/07/2023 12:58

Mars27 · 13/07/2023 12:55

OP, I haven't been posting on this thread but I've been following with attention as my place of work fully adhered to gender woo woo, Stonewall and Mermaids. I feel like I could be in your situation very soon.

Please go to lunch and grin and bear, that's that.

Do not speak to the senior members in a rush, wait for a more appropriate time.

The anonymous email: go to an internet cafe or buy a cheap PAYG phone with another PAYG SIM card with a different number from yours. Write a full detailed report and mention to your boss that no one feels comfortable raising that with him.

I've just skimmed through the other posts and haven't read them all so I don't know if anyone has raised the possibility of the boss been shagging Ginny because, quite frankly, that's the only reason I can think for such a behaviour.

Yep it's been suggested a few times!
Everyone is so exasperated by this boss and his behaviour, we would all like to give him a good talking to on the OP's behalf!

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