Ginny - an update

[idontknowwhattosay23]

Massive apologies for the delay in an update. It's been tricky to know how to word it so that I don't get into trouble or have to ask for it to be taken down again. Plus I've been so depressed with the situation I haven't really known what to say.

I won't be able to post the full story as before so really this is only for the benefit of those that read the last (now deleted) thread and wondered what happened / can remember the details.

The meeting went ahead as planned, although with the massive twist that it wasn't actually just myself and "Ginny" but was turned into a whole office meeting, which turned into just giving Ginny a platform to talk about her life as a trans woman (all 6 months of it) and how she is constantly objectified by men, sexually harassed and cat called and suffers far more than any cis woman and as such, deserves (and needs so she doesn't harm herself) the support and cooperation of everyone in the office, especially other women. No, I'm not joking.

The tampon / being in the women's toilet issue was brushed under the carpet as quickly as possible and explained to us as a complex matter of dysphoria that we couldn't possibly grasp and was not to be spoken about again. We were then informed that female sanitary products would be provided by management in ALL toilets, men's women's and the disabled toilets to avoid any future "misunderstanding". I was asked if I wanted to apologise for my outburst and make a fresh start with Ginny, I did so because as I said in the last thread, I really need this job at the moment. I'm so disappointed in myself for doing so and feel gross. But I couldn't do anything else. I want to thank all those that said to just suck it up and apologise, it saved me my job 100% no question about it.

Overall it was bordering humiliating for all involved, we were spoken to like children and patronised beyond belief. Ginny has been given a new desk set up right by the bosses office, best view, newest computer and a client list that even people who have been there 10+ years wouldn't usually get a look in on and have been working hard to secure for a long time... myself and two other women have been relocated to the back office. Apparently absolutely unrelated incidents, based on "the continuing restructure of company operations to maximise productivity and output". Two men have handed in their notice, again entirely unrelated.... (I can't say much, please put the pieces together yourselves ❤️)

I'm speaking now because frankly I'm dreading Monday, as in physically feel crap and absolutely can't face going in, but for now I have to. I'm actively looking for another job and have had my 3 weeks holiday approved from mid-July so I just need to get through a week and a half and I'm free of the nonsense for a bit to regroup and figure out what I do next.

It's no understatement to say I am utterly baffled as to why there is such massive special treatment for Ginny, considering the huge mistakes they have made since starting and the constant drama. Current theories floated by colleagues suggest either the boss believes that this is legally how trans people need to be treated in the workplace and is entirely uneducated in it, thus airing massively on the side of caution and has pushed inclusivity so far he's excluded everyone else. And another theory to do with crushes that I couldn't possibly repeat.

So there we have it. I'm sorry it took a while to update, there is plenty more happening that I just can't really share at the moment. But when I can I will.

It's not at all funny and never has been, the gallows humour is just an attempt to push back tears.

The only thing I can think of is an anonymous email sent with an explanation of what happened and what was discussed in the cafe about nobody trusting the boss anymore to tell him.

Lunch is going to be a terrible atmosphere. If you feel too unwell just go home sick.

OP you are amazing to put up with this shit. Fingers crossed for a new job ASAP and after you leave/ had a good reference , let your boss know the truth.

That's great and all but she has herself and her children to financially take care of.

you need to stick together on this and back eachother up and tell him what happened. He can't ignore the whole office, and surely he knows you all better as to not invite one person should you all spontaneously decide that you were all going for a coffee?

OP you have to tell the truth now, in writing.

This will massively damage you if you allow Ginny's version to stand.

I get that no one wants to be THAT person but by saying nothing, your colleagues are dropping you in it.

I'm only commenting because I want updates and know of no other way.

I am addicted to your life. Keep up the great work x

So sorry for this update. With every passing episode, the boss is actually making it worse for himself. Ginny will ultimately say/do something even more heinous and egregious (I mean more than has already happened) that he will literally be unable to ignore/gloss over. It will have major ramifications for his own position and the more he doubles-down on the nonsense, the worse he is making it for himself.

I can well understand that it seems utterly intolerable for OP and colleagues though. This will go spectacularly awry and the boss will find himself in an even more invidious position, entirely of his own making.

It's a matter of when, and not if, that Ginny does something that cannot be explained, "soothed" or salvaged. The boss sounds like a spineless cretin and is the architect of the misery that will inevitably descend on him. Probably quite soon.

But sadly this bring scant current comfort to the OP. Hoping for better times ahead. x

The truth is that you're all there enabling Ginny to behave like this.

Round up your colleagues, all stand together and tell your Boss exactly what happened this morning. He can't argue with a group of you.

It's absolutely outrageous that the boss thinks you all basically bullied Ginney by going out for coffees without him. I could not let this stand.

I think there needs to be something done to address this - an email/letter/meeting. Something!

you poor thing O.P.
You did nothing wrong and any one with an ounce of sense knows that.
Enjoy your time off and def focus on getting a new job.

I didn't read the first thread but please can you/someone tell me why on earth Ginny needed a tampon....??

He didn't need a tampon. Asking for one is forcing other women to participate in his fantasy, and that makes him feel good.

My mum is a fantasist and the best way to deal with an incident like this morning (if it happens again) is to immediately message the boss, but with the emphasis being on concern for the person.
"Boss, Ginny has triggered a full system crash and locked herself in the office. Please can you advise what to do as we are concerned that they are struggling and we don't know how to help."

That way you are conveying the facts but can't be accused of anything untoward.

Any chance you could get one of your male colleagues to speak to your boss? Your boss might be more likely to hear what they are saying.

For today's incident its not too late to do the same. Just as your boss, and be specific, if 'this' situation happens again, how would you want us to respond so as not to leave Ginny feeling excluded or patronised.

💐to you OP I can understand how crushed and confused you must feel after this awful gaslighting.

You really must get your version of events across though or Ginnys version stands.

Set up an anonymous webmail account (or go old school and put it in an envelope and post it), write a very factual account of what happened, get everyone who will agree to put their names to it and send it. You'll feel better if it's from all of you, but it won't be traceable to any one person.

Oh and it needs to be an office project to befriend the newbies and subtly start to let them in on how insane the boss us, before he primes them with his point of view.

You can do it, we're rooting for you.

Op, have you thought about putting what happened this morning in an email to your boss, make it factual and emotionless (so that it could be any one of you who wrote it) and send it to him via an anonymous email like 10 minute mail. He’ll get the full details of the events but no one will be singled out as the sender. Do you have CCTV in your building? Is it possible the events were caught on camera? If yes, then I’d be saying in the anonymous email that they should check the CCTV that would (hopefully 🤞🏻) show them having an outburst and locking you out.

FWIW, Ginny sounds like a fucking prick and you have done so well not to lose your temper. Hopefully, their very feminine heels break while they’re going down a flight of stairs and they break their leg 🤣. You can dream, right?! 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

Look, as it stands the boss thinks you all behaved unprofessionally. As you had the previous incident that reflects most badly on you and you need to put across the correct sequence of events whilst it's fresh in everyone's minds and can be accurately recalled. If you don't in six months time when Ginny has bullied her way to getting a disciplinary for you you'll be scrabbling around for support and they'll be none, as by then everyone will know the group won't act together to support someone who has fallen foul of Ginny.

Anonymous email but signed by everyone before the end of the day. Or letter printed and signed by all. Get going. Get the others on board. The more time is left with Ginny's version of events unchallenged the more a change in narrative will look malicious.

Oh and don't put yourself through the awful lunch, go home sick. Focus on covering your arse and getting the correct version of events documented.

I have an a/c and read MN regularly, but never login or post ... until now. Bloody hell OP, I cannot believe what you are having to put up with. I have no expertise with this type of issue OP, but sending you and your colleagues a sincere message of support.

Really quick update:

I have had a look at my (very modest) savings and if I'm very very careful I can keep me and the kids going for around 8-9 weeks. I've spoken to my mum briefly and she says her and my dad would be able to help us if we need it and to just ask, I also have this interview tomorrow and could speak to universal credit to see if they can help whilst I look for another job. It's a risk but at this point I think a calculated one. It's far from ideal, the reason I took this job was to give my kids better after their dad left us high and dry, and broke. But I don't think I can stay here with things how they are, I feel really quite unwell the past hour or so, just sick with nerves / anger.

I'm going to approach the two most senior people here I can think of, there isn't really a hierarchy but they have been here the longest, and see if they will come in with me to talk to boss.

I've mucked up the timing a bit though as we have to leave shortly for the work lunch, I'm tempted to wait until we get back but my problem is I don't know if I can sit there for lunch with all of this hanging over me, I just want to either bite the bullet and go to the boss or go home.

Atmosphere in the office is really low, I think everyone has had enough.

@idontknowwhattosay23 it sounds like you are being pushed to the brink, I had to have time off work following an abusive situation so I recognise the symptoms from your description, I would suggest a week of self-certificated sickness absence and if at the end you still cannot face going back, speak to your GP and see if you can get signed off.
Wishing you so much good luck for tomorrow!! Once you have your new role it may well feel that a weight has been lifted and you may be able to cope better in your notice period.
Also it sounds like you are doing the heavy lifting on this with your colleagues, would it be possible to push for more support from them?
But most importantly, you come first, do what supports you best.
And have at least a week off self cert sick, I remember upthread that you have annual leave coming, if you went off sick (and it would begenuine sickness absence), would that take you to your annual leave, so you have time to decide your next step?

This is insane. I admit I suffer from foot-in-mouth but I absolutely would have blurted out 'Ginny locked us out!'. I wouldn't have been able to help myself.

The reason you're almost in tears is pure frustration at feeling you need to keep quiet and the injustice of it all. Honestly, safety (power) in numbers and all of you tell the boss what really happened. What he going to do? Fire all of you?

This is just awful op, I’m so sorry you are in this position. Fingers crossed for tomorrow’s interview. What is your sick pay like? Can you get signed off by gp with stress? Are either of the men who have resigned still working their notice? Could they explain to boss what happened this morning? This is INSANE.

Anonymous email signed by everyone, you absolutely bloody hero. This option doesn't fill me with dread like the others. Going to go and speak to the two guys i mentioned now and see if we can action it.

Look after yourself. Play the sick card. It’s true. You are stressed to bits. Don’t risk the lunch. If something happens, and it might, you were not there so nothing to do with you.

Then go home and mentally prepare for your interview. Remember they would not be interviewing you unless they were seriously considering hiring you. They will be delighted if you tell them you are exactly the person they need. So do that. Explain why you are the right person for the job.