Ginny - an update

[idontknowwhattosay23]

Massive apologies for the delay in an update. It's been tricky to know how to word it so that I don't get into trouble or have to ask for it to be taken down again. Plus I've been so depressed with the situation I haven't really known what to say.

I won't be able to post the full story as before so really this is only for the benefit of those that read the last (now deleted) thread and wondered what happened / can remember the details.

The meeting went ahead as planned, although with the massive twist that it wasn't actually just myself and "Ginny" but was turned into a whole office meeting, which turned into just giving Ginny a platform to talk about her life as a trans woman (all 6 months of it) and how she is constantly objectified by men, sexually harassed and cat called and suffers far more than any cis woman and as such, deserves (and needs so she doesn't harm herself) the support and cooperation of everyone in the office, especially other women. No, I'm not joking.

The tampon / being in the women's toilet issue was brushed under the carpet as quickly as possible and explained to us as a complex matter of dysphoria that we couldn't possibly grasp and was not to be spoken about again. We were then informed that female sanitary products would be provided by management in ALL toilets, men's women's and the disabled toilets to avoid any future "misunderstanding". I was asked if I wanted to apologise for my outburst and make a fresh start with Ginny, I did so because as I said in the last thread, I really need this job at the moment. I'm so disappointed in myself for doing so and feel gross. But I couldn't do anything else. I want to thank all those that said to just suck it up and apologise, it saved me my job 100% no question about it.

Overall it was bordering humiliating for all involved, we were spoken to like children and patronised beyond belief. Ginny has been given a new desk set up right by the bosses office, best view, newest computer and a client list that even people who have been there 10+ years wouldn't usually get a look in on and have been working hard to secure for a long time... myself and two other women have been relocated to the back office. Apparently absolutely unrelated incidents, based on "the continuing restructure of company operations to maximise productivity and output". Two men have handed in their notice, again entirely unrelated.... (I can't say much, please put the pieces together yourselves ❤️)

I'm speaking now because frankly I'm dreading Monday, as in physically feel crap and absolutely can't face going in, but for now I have to. I'm actively looking for another job and have had my 3 weeks holiday approved from mid-July so I just need to get through a week and a half and I'm free of the nonsense for a bit to regroup and figure out what I do next.

It's no understatement to say I am utterly baffled as to why there is such massive special treatment for Ginny, considering the huge mistakes they have made since starting and the constant drama. Current theories floated by colleagues suggest either the boss believes that this is legally how trans people need to be treated in the workplace and is entirely uneducated in it, thus airing massively on the side of caution and has pushed inclusivity so far he's excluded everyone else. And another theory to do with crushes that I couldn't possibly repeat.

So there we have it. I'm sorry it took a while to update, there is plenty more happening that I just can't really share at the moment. But when I can I will.

FFS didn't they get the memo 'the hips don't lie' ?

I was thinking this (the alternative is just to remove the communal box & everyone take their own in).

The unanswered question for me is what Ginny wanted a tampon for. Apart from validation.

OP, you're in the right here. I can't see that you've done anything wrong at all, & your courage in doing what you needed to do to keep your job is exemplary. I hope you find another job soon. Or that something happens to put your current company back on the right path.

They very much believed that being a woman was all about appearances.

There was also a heavily scented handbag.

Did anyone tell the boss Ginny locked herself in the office?

Ginny sounds unhinged op. As infuriating, worrying and alarming this is as a woman, this self inflicted meltdown is also hilarious.

A handbag? To quote Lady Bracknell.

Where on earth would he get the idea that anyone perfumes their handbag? What, by spraying the lining with scent? Or was it the contents that were odiferous and the scent just wafted out?

I'm, er, extremely puzzled.

Waiting patiently for an update. Exciting morning

Oh god, this is sort of grimly hilarious, but also so fucking awful and unfair.

but for whatever reason this has massively knocked my mental health.

And why wouldn't it? You're being gaslighted by a narcissistic, autogynephilic male and your boss is just rolling along with it, probably because his kids have got to him or he's got a trans family member. Well, it's proving to be a real dumpster fire for him, isn't it? I'm sorry for the effect its had on you. I think every one of us encountering this level of societal insanity, gaslighting and misogyny struggle with coming to terms with it.

But just remember. Men don't need tampons. We all know why he was asking for one.

I wasn't in HR so no idea on responses. But she did use the ladies toilets for the 2 years she was on secondment there.

What an extraordinary turn of events.

OP’s probably up to her eyeballs in the work she’d have been doing had Ginny not screwed the pooch so spectacularly.

@idontknowwhattosay23 when is your lunch break? 😁

Sorry for my post just upthread. I'm catching up with OP's posts & see she's answered the question.

So, currently stood outside in the little covered bit of the car park, it's peeing down and although I could go back inside I absolutely don't want to and don't really know what to do now.

We went back to the office, could see boss' car outside when we arrived so knew he was already there. We had spoken between ourselves about who would explain this whole situation to him but no one felt comfortable being at the forefront of that situation so frankly we looked like a bunch of mute idiots, non of us wanting to put our heads above the parapet. There was something a bit ridiculous seeing 14 grown adults silently creep into a building looking at each other like 👀

Headed upstairs and the door was unlocked, all looked normal / quiet. Could hear G and boss talking and no raised voices or tears so a good sign 👍🏻 new starts in the kitchen having a chat, happily said hello to us all, so far so good.

Boss saw us coming in and it was all smiles and a jolly quip "What a morning! All sorted now, project updates on slack so crack on when you're ready" type of thing.

Ok great, let's not talk about what happened, that suits ALL of us. No one wanted the awkward conversation and we were all now over an hour behind on our workload and just wanted to get on with it.

But then...

"One small thing, let's remember to make sure if we are going somewhere as a group we take everyone with us, no one left out. Ginny wasn't sure where everyone went!" Said in a pleasant way with a smile, nothing untoward or unsavoury about his tone at all. Even though I was desperate to say WE WERE LOCKED OUT AND SHOUTED AT, what I actually said was... (thanks to the good advice here of just apologising, keeping quiet, not making this any worse)

"Oh I'm sorry Ginny, we didn't mean to leave you out. I know myself when I'm a bit stressed or upset I don't want an audience, I think we all just wanted you to be ok and have a bit of space. Really sorry though, will bear it in mind for the future"

Nailed it. Kill it with kindness. Very proud of my ability to not lose my shit. Give myself 10/10. I thought I was being kind and defusing and I only spoke after an awkward little 5-6 second silence from everyone else.

Turn to go back to my office and G pipes up:

"I appreciate the sentiment but please don't undermine my valid concern of a serious situation as being emotional or upset just because I'm a woman, it's degrading"

Mother fucker.

I'm sorry to swear I really am, it's not like me but my brain has finally imploded and I'm so so angry.

I think I'm 100% done with it all now. I find it so embarrassing, I cringe when I update here because I know how ridiculous and outlandish it all sounds, but this is my life. I'm genuinely very embarrassed this is my situation at the moment, it's not how I ever imagined my life going. I have so much going on, both with routine workload stuff, family things, home life, and an interview tomorrow and yet this nonsense is what is effecting me the most? I don't know if I'm just handling this all terribly and that's why it feels so much bigger than it should be? Would welcome views on that actually, advice on how to minimise all this? I don't feel like I can carry on another minute with it all. Plus I have a low-level but almost constant anxiety that I'm going to be pegged as a terribly anti-trans, or I'm going to say the wrong thing, im just always worried because of this basically. Even though thanks to you wonderful people I have managed to find many laughs in the whole sorry affair.

I started typing this an hour ago and have had to keep stopping and starting, forced myself back to my desk have been tentatively trying to push on with work but I'm so flipping annoyed I'm not concentrating. That absolute cow has ruined my whole day. Again.

And boss has said we are all going out for a team lunch at 1pm to welcome the new starts, bloody marvellous can't wait, who wants to bet I'm sat next to bloody G! Tempted to pull the sickness card and go home, which I've never done in my whole adult life (pulled that card a few times at school to be fair). Someone help 😩😩😩

P.s (im also massively ruminating on the fact the boss even raised that stupid point of not leaving anyone behind? Who else was supposed to stay and fix THEIR mistake? There were offers to help them but we were just screamed at and called incompetent, so what were we meant to do?! I don't think G gave a very accurate recounting of what happened, they couldn't have done)

There might not be a lunch break today if everybody had an unscheduled break for an hour or two first thing. I used to work with a diva but she managed not to lock us out of the office.

Dear God op you need to let the boss know what went on this morning its outrageous

Cross post! At this point, OP, could you not get together with some colleagues and write a joint account of what actually happened this morning? Pretty clear the boss got a very different version of events.

Good luck with the interview tomorrow.

Nope, no one wants to be THAT person who's telling tales on Ginny again. Besides the boss seems so vehemently aligned to G that I think saying anything would just make our own lives crappier.

And I massively suspect that was left out of Ginnys explanation to the boss too. Has to of been because we were told to take everyone with us next time we head out as a team... like we all just went for a wee dander on a whim and purposefully left Ginny out.

Absolute shit show I'm on the brink of tears and I don't know why! It's suddenly not as funny as it was

I think I'd be marching into the bosses office en masse and telling him exactly what happened this morning. I'm absolutely outraged on your behalf.

I've lost all faith in him. Which is another thing, I've never had such a brilliant boss before all of this, genuinely would have called him one of life's good ones only a few months ago. Now I don't think I can say anything because it'll just be me telling tales and causing trouble won't it. Feel almost claustrophobic in here now actually, and panicky?

Oh come on @idontknowwhattosay23 how many years experience have your colleagues got between you with your boss? Are you really telling me that none of you have the credibility and working relationship with him to plainly and calmly lay out the facts of this morning’s events?

You need to put in a formal complaint, OP, telling your boss in detail what happened. I'd tell him that his refusal to see the impossible position you're being put into is tantamount to constructive dismissal, and that you're seeking legal advice. I'd recommend you encourage as many of your colleagues as you can to do the same. What's happening is insane, and it's making everyone crazy.

Totally agree with BeckyWithTheGoodHair. All of you go in the office NOW.
And tell your boss exactly what happened.

With the way G's behaviour is escalating, I wouldn't be surprised if there was another meltdown soon. They sound quite unwell.

Oh OP - I've just read all your posts 😞

Nobody needs to be that person (the one seemingly 'telling on' Ginny) - as a PP said - do this as a group.

A PP above mentioned a joint letter - I like this idea. It will also then be written down and documented, and no one is having to be the person who tells - even walking boss' office en masse, you can't all talk at once, so one person would have to be the 'speaker' - a letter resolves this issue.