Declining to put my preferred pronouns in my email signature

[HowDoIGetThisThingOff]

It's finally happened, I've been "told" to put my preferred pronouns in my email signature at work.

I've emailed back saying my preference is that I don't do this. But I'm feeling a bit anxious 😬.

Please can I get some advice on what to say if they come back with questions or pressure to comply?

[MrsTerryPratchett]

@SaltyColin

Guaranteed this poster will come back and say "but how does it affect you/why does it bother you/what difference does it make to you?"

Points for #BeKind

[BreviloquentBastard]

I got asked to do this and just said 'no, thank you." and it was never mentioned again. Just say no.

[PermanentTemporary]

@determinedtomakethiswork I've certainly sent emails saying stuff like 'Jane, I'm copying you in because Dawn said you were interested in this project. She told me that you were on a similar team in your last job' etc. Of course pronouns get used.

Also I am not always aware of what names from other cultures imply about sex in that culture.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Also I am not always aware of what names from other cultures imply about sex in that culture.

Google Baby Names. It works.

[ArabeIIaScott]

There is always the option of choosing some really interesting neopronoun and rigorously policing the use of them.

• Xe/xem/xyrs/xemself
• Xy/xyr/xyrs/xyrself
• Hi/hir/hirs/hirself
• Ze/zir/zirs/zirself
• Ey/em/eirs/emself
• Ne/nem/nems/nemself
• Fae/faer/faers/faerself
• Ae/aer/aers/aerself
• Thon/thon/thon/thonself
• Per/per/pers/perself
• Ve/ver/vers/verself
• Zee/zed/zeta/zetas/zedself

[PermanentTemporary]

I know @MrsTerryPratchett. I'm not dim. But I'm also not denying that people get missexed by people who don't bother at work.

[Waitwhat23]

I haven't been asked to yet by my organisation but my answers will be -

'Women are already vulnerable to stereotype threat in the workplace so I will not be deliberately highlighting my protected characteristic in order to disadvantage myself'. (If I'm being polite)

Or

'I don't follow that particular belief system' (if I've had enough)

[BenCoopersSupportWren]

"I don't feel comfortable sharing preferred pronouns at this stage".

There's nothing that can be said to that which isn't inappropriate or intrusive, especially as the "at this stage" suggests you may be about to come out as having one of those identities which must be tiptoed around and deferred to.

[Soontobe60]

@PermanentTemporary

@determinedtomakethiswork I've certainly sent emails saying stuff like 'Jane, I'm copying you in because Dawn said you were interested in this project. She told me that you were on a similar team in your last job' etc. Of course pronouns get used.

Also I am not always aware of what names from other cultures imply about sex in that culture.

If you work in a big organisation with hundreds of employees, many of whom you may need to interact with on a daily basis, do you look up each individual’s email signature to see what they’ve listed as their pronouns? Or maybe theres a huge list in the staff room of everyone’s name with corresponding pronouns?

[PinkFootstool]

I've studiously ignored this request at work. In my team of 20, only the senior manager (male and desperate to climb the greasy pole) and most junior staff member (female, ND and gay as it happens) have complied.

I'm slowly outing myself as GC at work....

[TinaYouFatLard]

I would ignore in the first instance. If they pursued this I would come at it from the angle that I am not interested in policing the language of others and they can use whichever pronouns they deem appropriate.

[PToosher]

Say that putting your pronouns would make you feel 'unsafe'.

Feeling 'unsafe' is apparently a big deal these days.

[Singlemum101]

Luckily at my work it is nominally optional, although I am one of only two people who don't out of a team of aprox 60.

I have just ignored all emails suggesting it, and "forgotten" to mention them in meetings when invited to share them and no one internal has ever pushed - it probably helps that I'm quite senior and have really short hair! I've once had an external trainer challenge me publicly when I "forgot" to share them and I just replied with "that's a really personal question when we've only just met" and she backed down.

Interestingly our very woke social media team clearly don't check before quoting people as I've several times been quoted as she/her on socials even though I don't have them and have never been asked by them. Almost makes you think that you can work it out by looking doesn't it ;-)

I'm planning to continue dodging it for as long as possible but if it ever gets pushed to the point where I'm forced onto the spot I'm going to say "I don't think changing our policy to make this mandatory is a good idea. I'm pretty sure that forcing people to identify protected characteristics on their email signature wouldn't stand up in a tribunal".

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

My sex has no factor on any element of my job. Therefore my pronouns are not required in order for me and others to work effectively together.

I file this under the same as which political party I would vote, whether I have a religion etc. Its unnecessary data, on me, that is not required in order for everyone to perform their duties at work.

[Skyellaskerry]

I would firstly ignore, and if reminded (hassled) say no thank you.

[DurdleLau]

I would only put my pronouns on my signature if I actually thought it would help someone, perhaps if I had an ambiguous name that could be considered both m/f, I work with a lot of autistic adults and the ones I’ve helped like to know if a person is a male or female.

[KalimbaMoon]

It has been proven that there is unconscious bias towards women in the workplace. Women’s emails are more likely to be ignored while men get a quicker and more courteous response. Putting she/her on your signature is ramming home the message that you’re a woman, ready to be discriminated against.

Do trans people give a flying eff anyway? Imagine forcing a closet transgender person, or anyone questioning their gender identity, to state their pronouns. I can imagine they’d hate it. If you’re gender-fluid your pronouns might change from day to day, so that’s a lot of admin work keeping your email signature up to date!

I think you’re entitled to politely refuse and I agree with the advice recommending you say that you’re not comfortable with it. This virtue signalling is a load of unhelpful bunkum.

[midgemadgemodge]

@PermanentTemporary

I have worked with many cultures where neither they nor I knew each others sex for many months / years until we met face to face

No one ever indicated any concerns at being a default male

Sone of us ( just the females surprisingly) felt it liberating and it certainly made working together easier

Sex ms gender should be irrelevant in work and you really should go examine your conscious and unconscious bias if you feel it's important to you or anyone else


Harvard business school used to have some good resources

[whynotwhatknot]

tell them your pronoun is fuck off

i despair

[ArabeIIaScott]

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

My sex has no factor on any element of my job. Therefore my pronouns are not required in order for me and others to work effectively together.

I file this under the same as which political party I would vote, whether I have a religion etc. Its unnecessary data, on me, that is not required in order for everyone to perform their duties at work.

Yes.

[Glasshalffullorempty]

Maybe put them all down or say you identify as a lamppost/animal
of choice/Greek god or goddess, or both. No one can say anything. We can all identify as anything after all

[MissMissive]

@Girlboss1989

Why don't you just include whichever pronouns you want people to use for you?

Because I’m not religious. Are we compelled to declare we are, now?

[RudsyFarmer]

You could go the other way and put them all in.

he/him/she/her/they/them/ze/zem

id be really interested if anyone would ‘have a word’ if you did.

[Girlboss1989]

@ArabeIIaScott

Some of us are unsure of what our pronouns are. What do we put?

If you were unsure then you could just use they/them since that is gender neutral. But the nature of language is that pronouns are used as an identifier and only you will know what you are most comfortable with other people calling you. They're also not set in stone, it's just to help people be more respectful by using the terms you would like to be used.

[Clymene]

Some trans people care very much indeed @KalimbaMoon. As do the police.

This woman - who had severe MH issues following an horrifically abusive relationship with a transwoman has been contacted by the police for misgendering another woman who identifies on a psychiatric ward.

reduxx.info/woman-abused-by-trans-identified-male-contacted-by-police-after-misgendering-non-binary-patient-while-in-hospital/