Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Would you be concerned... 4 year old "trans"

115 replies

Ncdforthisagain · 12/05/2023 23:03

Not sure I'm posting in the right place but would welcome advice as something that is sitting very uncomfortably with me.

I met a mum recently through mutual friends at a kids activity class. She seemed nice enough and very friendly and chatty. Her son is 5 and he is a lovely child. He was wearing a sparkly top and clip on earrings the first few times I met them - all good, he's only 5 and who am I to judge. However his mum dropped very casually in conversation that she thinks he has "trans issues". Again, I thought it was a bit of an odd comment but kept that thought to myself. More recently though, it now appears that the mum has transitioned the child to living as a girl, has changed his name and is actively referring to the child as her "daughter", "she" etc. The child is so young and it just strikes me as terribly damaging to do this to a tiny child. I have 2 young DC myself and I'm actually reeling that a parent could willingly do this. I'm prepared to get shot down (maybe unlikely on this board) but it just has my alarm bells ringing.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ncdforthisagain · 12/05/2023 23:05

Sorry title says 4, the child is 5 ...not that it makes that much difference

OP posts:
Hagosaurus · 12/05/2023 23:11

I agree with you, sadly for the child, I think the issues sit firmly with his parents. He’s hardly the only little boy who likes sparkly tops, high heels, nail varnish etc. Not conforming to sex-based stereotypes is allowed, and doesn’t require trans-ing away

NotTerfNorCis · 12/05/2023 23:16

Very harmful. I doubt he'll look back on this fondly.

I saw a documentary a while ago about 'trans kids'. There was a little boy who was convinced he was a girl. His parents, devout Christians, took him to a 'trans church' where he was feted by adult transwomen. But after he started school he reverted back to identifying as a boy, and he never wanted to be a girl again.

elliejjtiny · 12/05/2023 23:17

I know some will disagree but I don't think a child that young is capable of making that decision. My ds is nearly 9. He knows he is a boy but he also knows that he can wear his pink leggings if he wants or hair clips etc.

Apollo441 · 12/05/2023 23:21

Welcome to the board. No one will shoot you down. We are all worried and concerned about this trend. The interim Cass report also says social transitioning is not a neutral act. How anyone can believe in transexual children us beyond me.

ArcticSkewer · 12/05/2023 23:21

Just ignore her, she is obviously nuts.

One of my boys was full - pink, dresses, sparkles - at that age. I just thought he might grow up gay. Ah the innocence of the early 2000s .

He's actually a straight man these days.

SpicyMoth · 12/05/2023 23:25

Yeah, doesn't sound the best decision to me to be honest - but that's me.
You can't control how other's choose to parent or guide their children, I just hope that it remains social for as long as possible.
I don't see what's wrong with teaching kids to love themselves as they are.
Just craziness.

Comeonskinnylove · 12/05/2023 23:27

I despair. I have a child a similar age and there's no way he would understand any of this nonsense. Very damaging imo.

GrumpyPanda · 12/05/2023 23:34

Jesus wept. That poor, poor child.

thisuser · 12/05/2023 23:39

there is absolutely no way a five year old can understand this at all.. how utterley sad. the times we are living in are so scary.. i have seen countless videos emerging from America on how grown trans people are LAP DANCING on young children, couldn’t be aged over 5.. sickening absolutely sickening. sorry, i’ve gone off on one..

DiscoBeat · 12/05/2023 23:44

It would be so much better if the mother could embrace the fact that boys can wear pink sparkly things whenever they like without having to actually turn female. It would help for a start if shops stopped having designated 'boy' and 'girl' sections for their clothing.

BeverlyBrook · 12/05/2023 23:45

OP I'd say your instincts are absolutely spot on. This is so utterly wrong. The poor child. The mother needs to have some therapy.

WhiteFire · 12/05/2023 23:53

I know of a child who was transitioned at a similar age, I am not sure of the situation now as I was outed as a terrible TERF in a conversation that was nothing to do with the mother or child when I objected to the term Cis, and was swiftly blocked on Facebook.

I think this particular mother fitted into another category, they have sons and being the super right on parents not just allow their children to have a range and choice of toys and clothes but also actively steer the child towards the traditional girly sparkly stuff, which being colourful and sparkly and swishy etc is the top choice. The child starts school, peers then tell the child that xyz is for girls, child preferring xyz decide that this means they are actually a girl. Parents being right on embrace this and immediately start a social transition.

I am not saying that small children shouldn't have access to a range of clothes, toys, activities etc, but I think there is actually a push towards a narrow focus. So they do all pink but it is ok because it is for a boy.

(I find it really hard to explain my thoughts on this but I hope others understand what I mean)

GardeningIsNotMe · 12/05/2023 23:55

My DS loved wearing “Clip Clop” shoes and Princess dresses from the dressing up box when he was 5. He’s 30 now. A builder, rugby player and hands on dad.

Why on earth are some parents convinced their boys are really girls? - Because they are encouraged to wear sparkly clothing and nail varnish? Why do we give this nonsense head space? 🤷🏻‍♀️

My DD always chose a tshirt and dungarees to wear - and always blue or brown. Her choice from the dressing up box was a cowboy hat or space helmet. She was a little girl then and she’s a beautiful woman and amazing mother now.

I have no time for parents who advocate for their children to be anything other than what they are. Absolute nonsense!

AtrociousCircumstance · 12/05/2023 23:56

Irresponsible fuck-witted parenting which is actually abusive to the child. All dressed up as being progressive. It’s deeply shocking.

Poor kid.

Safxxx · 12/05/2023 23:58

Seems like the mother wanted a girl not a boy, it's not the child's fault it's her turning him into her 🤦🏻‍♀️ she's sick in the head, full of fantasies, I feel sorry for the boy 😞

Nellodee · 13/05/2023 06:39

But it’s not about stereotypes…

dimorphism · 13/05/2023 06:52

Lying to impressionable children, telling them you can change sex, it's so wrong, especially at age 5 when they're so unable to understand.

If you can manage OP, watch the Jazz Jennings show bit about surgery. No one should be put on a path to puberty blockers and surgery at 5 and social transition does that.

Jazz couldn't possibly come out now and want to detransition, the surgery is irreversible, the effects of puberty blockers and cross sex hormones are irreversible and the family's wealth relies on Jazz bring trans. But when you see the surgery complications being discussed and you see the face of Jazz's father in particular, the surgeon talking about how experimental it all is. It's horrifying.

dimorphism · 13/05/2023 06:54

The surgeon quite openly discusses how children who have their puberty blocked when Jazz did can never experience sexual pleasure. None of them.

dimorphism · 13/05/2023 06:56

(I e. At the developmental stage Jazz was at when first taking blockers)

SavvyWavvy · 13/05/2023 07:01

I could have written this exact post OP. There is a mum who lives near me who has a 4 year old boy that she has decided is a girl just because he likes dresses and things that society deems “girly”. She now refers to him as a girl and has changed his name to something that she considers gender neutral.

She has a referral to Tavistock (or whatever it’s now called) after threatening to sue her GP if they didn’t refer. Her GP also referred her to social services! She’s desperate to get him on the waiting list for hormone treatment.

It’s child cruelty at its worst. What she’s trying to inflict on this poor boy is a lifetime of hardship.

Charley50 · 13/05/2023 07:03

Next time you see the mum you could tell her that just because a boy like pink and glitter or whatever, it doesn't make him a girl. Tell her how damaging it is to him. She needs to know that what she is doing is abuse (maybe don't use that word) and the people can see she is damaging her poor child. Don't stay silent. You have nothing to lose.

DobbysTeaCosy · 13/05/2023 07:15

FFS that stupid mother. Children of around 3-5 go through what's been termed a 'gender schema'. It's where they obviously notice all the stereotype pushed at them and coincides with them understanding that they are a boy or girl but have not developed the idea that it is fixed.
Anyway the following happens. Some children go stereotype associated with their sex crazy(I did this) some go stereotype associated with the opposite sex crazy. Some dip into both.
None of these children are trans. These are children trying to make sense of stereotypes in a world of absolutes. These are the same children that dropped all the objects they could find to check they still fell. They're testing the world. It's not their fault we divided the world into pink and blue and thus it looks like an absolute.
Anyway, gender schema like all schemas tends to end around the time children realise sex is fixed. They then tend to just go for things their peers like or that they like. Again, some boys will like sparkles at this age. Nothing trans about it. Humans like sparkly things. Some girls will like blue and climbing trees. Not trans, just personally/developmental stages.
Your friend is either stupid, attention seeking muschensons by proxi or just taken in by trans knowledge because she has never questioned stereotypes.
I'd be vocal about the above. Ten years ago this would have been considered child abuse and still is by those of us who remember that safeguarding is a thing and children are children. Sadly, the very people who should be challenging this are batshit too, so the best you can do is challenge yourself.
Try hard not to call her a fucking idiot though. Fucking idiots object to that.

SavvyWavvy · 13/05/2023 07:25

Brilliant post @DobbysTeaCosy. The problem is that the parents doing this to their children are not open to any kind of discussion or debate. They are adamant that their decision is the right one.

MissingMoominMamma · 13/05/2023 07:32

My friend’s five year old son will very openly say, “I’m a boy, and I like wearing dresses.”

Because my friend is a good mum.