Would you be concerned... 4 year old "trans"

[Ncdforthisagain]

Not sure I'm posting in the right place but would welcome advice as something that is sitting very uncomfortably with me.

I met a mum recently through mutual friends at a kids activity class. She seemed nice enough and very friendly and chatty. Her son is 5 and he is a lovely child. He was wearing a sparkly top and clip on earrings the first few times I met them - all good, he's only 5 and who am I to judge. However his mum dropped very casually in conversation that she thinks he has "trans issues". Again, I thought it was a bit of an odd comment but kept that thought to myself. More recently though, it now appears that the mum has transitioned the child to living as a girl, has changed his name and is actively referring to the child as her "daughter", "she" etc. The child is so young and it just strikes me as terribly damaging to do this to a tiny child. I have 2 young DC myself and I'm actually reeling that a parent could willingly do this. I'm prepared to get shot down (maybe unlikely on this board) but it just has my alarm bells ringing.

The 'transboy' I know has a mother who 'models' too.
Go figure.

Actually to be fair she did “proper” modelling as well as the glamour stuff. She’s a little older now so does something else.

It sounds as if these mothers are using their own children as props to further/revive their “modelling careers”, or trying to get their children into modelling as “T” kids. Really sad for the children involved.

I think in the case I know, the child was forced into an early childhood modelling career and found it scary and boring. The transition seems a good excuse not to do it anymore and to do all the things she missed out on like climbing trees.

She can climb trees at any age and doesn’t need to “be a boy” to do that. Poor child.

It seems like a whole generation are being effed up by this ridiculous trend.
It’s odd that you rarely hear of middle aged people changing sex yet it’s rife in children and teenagers.
There’s going to be a whole cohort of screwed up adults in a few years 😢

Wow, thanks for that, @MrsOvertonsWindow , how interesting. Poor J!

To be fair to this child, she wasn't really allowed a childhood where she climbed trees etc as mum was too busy touring, building their modelling credentials. It'd take up whole weekends and she only got to opt out when she declared herself a boy.
She was also exposed to a lot of drag and queer theory on the tours as it's ride in the industry. And she had autism. Eating disorders. A perfect storm if you will.

I don't blame the child. I blame the people that should be protecting her from it. Mum has cut off all her relatives and anyone who disagrees with gender ideology, so she has no gender non conforming role models any more and lives in a bubble.

And of course, as these things tend to do, she's got worse mental health the more she has been affirmed and is a school refuser.

The child starts school, peers then tell the child that xyz is for girls, child preferring xyz decide that this means they are actually a girl. Parents being right on embrace this and immediately start a social transition.

This fits so exactly to a child I know I had to check back that this wasn't me posting with a name change.

It's interesting this. My son (4) says very regularly that he wishes he was a girl. But it's not to do with wearing dresses and stuff (though he does like that). He's usually vague about the reasons but the other day got upset when I was talking about feeling him move when he was inside my tummy saying "I wish I was a girl so I could feel that". He told me when he was really tiny that he wanted to get rid of his willy and has repeated that over the years. He also said the other day "When I'm a granny..." and I corrected him and he looked so sad and confused.

I am so sure it's just a phase but it has been really surprising for me. He has no reason to want to be a girl, he knows boys can plays with dolls etc, I've never entertained the idea that he can be a girl but he has been saying it for 2 years now.

Absolutely bizarre and a form of child abuse. I think the comparison to MBP / factitious disorder is apt. The parent is gaining some kind of social or psychological currency from this, whether they know it or not.

I've never met a 4/5 year old of either sex that doesn't like sequins and nail polish. As the boys get a little older they are more likely to pretend not to like it or to gravitate away / lose interest in order to conform with the message that beautiful things are only for girls.

In social circles where parents make an effort to avoid sex stereotypes, you literally see it manifested in the clothing their children wear and the activities they like, even how they play with girls and boys.

I'd do a safeguarding referral. What's to lose OP, this person isn't really a friend so you don't lose the friendship. Children's safeguarding is everyone's responsibility. Reference the Cass report - social transition is not a harmless neutral act. As mentioned, children have magical thinking, are discovering schemas... the boy can wear what he wants, use whatever name but needs to be told they can't actually ever become a girl. They can pretend to be, but they can't be, anymore than they can become a dinosaur. They just don't have the cognitive skills to understand. I mean, there's a reason it takes a while to question the very implausible Father Christmas story.
The fact she's posting about her "daughter" is what tips it for me. Her kid won't be reading it so that suggests she's buying into it, because it's not for his benefit that she's using "daughter". Otherwise she'd play along with her child like how you'd play along that they are a cat, but continue using son with everyone else. You wouldn't post online what your kitten it up to.

The dressing up collections at my DC's preschool/ school had only gendered items. It was a choice of Disney Princess dress, nurse dress, versus character Fireman suit, character Builder suit.
There were no sparkly jackets for instance, or velvet trousers. (Not even a Disney Prince Charming outfit). No plain white lab coats or random pieces of cloth and hats for the kids to invent their own costumes.
When I commented I got a reaction like I was "that parent", so I let it go as I had more urgent matters to spend my critical tokens on.

Could he be empathising so much with you, loving you and granny so much, and identifying with you both so much that he wants to be like you, and as close as possible to you?

He must also be extremely clever, super sensitive and imaginative to try at only 4 to understand what it would be like to feel a baby inside you, and that, as a boy, that experience is out of the question for him. Is he imagining being you feeling him in your/his tummy so as to be as close as possible to you. (Has he had any loss or worries?)

I once read on one of these threads of a Canadian (?) mother who at once pounced into affirmative mode with a similar little son - called him a girl etc but several years later realised just in time (before starting him on puberty blockers) that he didn’t really want to be a girl but had just been identifying with her.

Sorry but no kid 'is born in the wrong body.......... kids need to be left to grow up in peace: trans ideology is damaging them.