A year ago a close family member broke ties with me for being a terf. No fall outs previously.

[BluebellBlueballs]

I'm a little sad, exactly one year ago my brother found out I was gender critical and cut me off completely until I 'renounce my views '
He's not transgender or gay but seems to have accepted a woke moral superiority and called me a nazi and bigot for not including males in my definition of women.

I offered to agree to disagree and have a relationship but not talk about this one issue but he wouldn't accept that. Even for my dad's sake who is in his 80s and wants us to make peace.

I won't 'renounce my views ' at his command so despite my offer to agree to not discuss this one issue, we are now estranged.

What do I do? I have no ill intent towards transgender people but I believe in biological sex based definitions of humans and you cannot change sex. I had 2 very difficult pregnancies a man would never have to experience. I have lost my brother to the woke stasi and don't see a way forward.

I have to accept my brother is no longer in my life don't I?

You can’t change him - try not to let it upset you so much - it’s his choice so he may come round sometime. How could you believe any differently to how you do now?

It sounds like your brother is being the unreasonable one here - could your dad talk him into accepting your perfectly acceptable suggestion that you and your brother agree to disagree?

My sister, now a naturalised US citizen living just outside Portland, Oregon (!), and I basically have a similar arrangement - although I do push my luck from time to time, when a particularly idiotic example of gender identity ideology makes the news. At least she now accepts that rapists shouldn't be in women's prisons - baby steps...!

Exactly, who can change their beliefs through emotional blackmail.

It's sad, it's like he's a different person as he was never like this before. It was a year ago exactly that this happened so a bit of a milestone

Sorry, had a few drinks tonight so probably being a bit over emotional

Thanks for the support

You could write a short letter sharing your feelings about him and pointing out differing views are what living in society is all about. Leave the ball in his court, maybe he was looking for a reason to hold a grudge openly with you or maybe he's easily led. I'm sure he'll regret it when he sees how the tide will turn. 💐

You can't argue with people once they've gone too far down the rabbit-hole. Same as with anti-vaxxers. Where do you think it cones from with him - the internet? People he associates with?

He's got a woke gf and she's in a woke crowd. The kind who were happy for other people to buy them drinks in a bar, but made a fuss when these other people didn't pay the tip cos bar workers are on min wage etc.

Despite wanting to pay £0 themselves and having drinks all night on the tab

Maybe in the long run you are better off without a close relationship with someone who’d treat you like that. This might be an unhelpful thing to say, but men who are all in for gender ideology at that level often have some reason for being so fanatical about it. AGP tendencies or something.

But if there is something behind it, that is probably not any kind of consolation. I’m sorry, that’s really hard on you and on your dad.

Very sorry to hear about this.

More evidence that TRA inspires quasi religious/cult like attitudes.

My best wishes he comes around.

Remember, if you relent to appease him, the relationship will forever be based on a lie.

I saw a misogynistic side of 'shut up woman' that you so often see in this gender issue. Telling me I'm not a feminist etc. Woke bullying disguised as moral superiority.
I offered an 'agree to disagree ' out but he doesn't want that. He wants the fight

I'm not the appeasing type you'll be glad to hear.

Don't give in. And don't give him the luxury of your time. That will irritate him the most.

This is so sad for you

I'm not going to speak to him, time for me making effort to resolution has passed and will just make him feel righteous.

I'm going to leave it unless he sincerely wants to make amends.

Irs made me more committed to the GC cause, as the whole woke movement is based on disrespect of other views.

Your attitude is really commendable.
His attitude absolutely stinks.

Thank you.

Sad to see him like this as its like a whole personality change. But his loss.

OP, I last saw my brother 6 and a half years ago when we disagreed on the same issue. Then he got really nasty on some family issues (purely out of spite, as he couldn’t steamroll me as usual) and we really fell out.

I was the appeasing type, would give my opinion, but had always backed down in the face of his undercurrent of anger.
I saw him as my best friend and was devastated. It took less than 3 months of estrangement for me to realise how free I was and be relieved that he never apologises, so I don’t have to worry about him trying to come back into my life.

It’s a horrible experience, emotional is perfectly healthy. Better times are coming, stay true to yourself!

Sadly yes I think you do. Your brother had been radicalised and you will nor be able ro help him see reality again. But the gender ideologies hold is weakening. I have a cousin who has been vocally TWAW on Facebook but today I saw a post which was a poor TW, so oppressed, usual poorly thought through stuff, but the she agreed with a friend d who'd said 'I'm not anti trans but I don't think men should be in women's sports'. I'm waiting for her to realise that she is a TERF, at which point the penny may drop for her.

On the plus side I've made some great friends through the feminist group he cut me off for joining. A net gain, you could say

Oops, 5 and a half years, not 6. Not that it really matters to anyone else!

Sorry to hear that. I'm GC but still open to other views. I think it's important to keep an open mind. Unlikely, but if someone ever influenced me I'm wrong I'd change my position. It would need to be influence through reason, not emotional blackmail though.

do you think he has drunk the koolaid to keep in with the girlfriend? Any previous signs of twattery dressed up as moral virtue?

The incident in the bar was interesting. He expected much richer older brother to pay the whole tab, and the tip. Despite having a reasonably paid job himself. Has asked Older brother for loans before and not repaid etc. He's mid 30s BTW not a student or just out of uni

Some people who think like your brother see this as being in the same category as being on speaking terms with racists or homophobes - and they consider speaking to such people to be beyond the pale, as good as collaboration. And they are 100% sure they know what opinions count as racist and homophobic, there is no room for disagreement on those things.

Sometimes you can burst their bubble if somehow they see that one thing they were really sure about isn't so simple or obviously true. It suddenly opens up the possibility that maybe "those people" might see something they don't, and they have to question everything.

But I don't think you are likely going to be the person to make that happen for your brother. He's self-righteous enough to think it means he has to be a twat to his elderly father so it will likely have to be something big. But - big things are coming so it could happen.

He sounds like a jerk anyway (entitlement/drinks/tip thing).

These straight men love being able to attack women and feel feverishly self-righteous about it: like they own feminism now and it’s all about centring men or you’re a bigot.

Let him fuck off OP. You can do precisely nothing to help this situation. I’m sorry, it sounds so upsetting and you will need to grieve. But I’m so proud of yet another woman sticking to her beliefs and not being bullied into submission.