Trans Widows are the only mothers of our children.

[TinselAngel]

I don't want this claim by @bathhy to get lost in a thread that will no doubt go along the usual lines.

"As a trans woman mother who uses Mumsnet, I would never recommend coming here."

Trans women can never be the mother of any child. We women, the trans widows who are usually your exes, who give birth to those children are their mother and always will be.

If you adopt a child, you can be the child's parent, but as a male you are not the child's mother.

Trans widows say no to having our status and legal responsibility as mother taken from us.

Women here must not allow forced teaming from men who wish to appropriate our status as the mothers of our children.

Every woman here should consider how they would feel if the father of their child after having taken so much from them already, then demanded to be called "Mum."

Isotope it odd how a lot of males suddenly discover their trans identity whilst their female partner is pregnant, just given birth or they have a toddler. Others discover their ‘true self’ in middle age. Amazingly they never want to take on any of the boring work associated with a wife or mother. The wife is still expected to do all the childcare and chores while they navel gaze and demand ‘validation’.

Timely reminder of this heartbreaking website describing the specific abuse that can occur when trans people place their need for validation above the needs of their children.

childrenoftransitioners.org/

Yes to this. It seems like a huge safeguarding failure to overlook this.

I would have thought any name change should trigg

Surely anyone has to declare all their previous names when they are being considered for adoption?

To be an adopter I mean.

Sorry!

should trigger a background check, to not do so seems rather careless with vulnerable children’s lives.

One would certainly imagine so. If the poster hasn’t done that it’s a serious offence.

That's 'lady sausage' to the likes of you!

Even without any matters of concern in the trans persons background adoption is supposed to be about finding the best possible fit for an (often traumatized) child. Discovering that the person they have been calling 'Mum' was born male could be absolutely devastating for some children.

First of post: the invisible mother:

I don’t see much respect for mothers from the trans community, although the word ‘mother’ is sometimes appropriated. I suppose it’s one answer to an obvious problem: what do you call a Daddy who doesn’t want to be called ‘Daddy’ any more? I had to call my father something and he hadn’t provided me with any other option. Ironically, when he was going in for his operation I told friends at school that ‘my mother’ would be away for a while in hospital. At least one of them assumed it was for a hysterectomy. But now I am angry that I had to pretend my real mother didn’t exist. I wish I hadn’t felt obliged to disrespect my mother like that.
.....

I want to write more about this. About how our mothers are shunted aside. About how they are made invisible and aren’t respected and listened to. Partners and children aren’t just something to be discarded in someone’s search for their ‘authentic self’. The transitioner is celebrated for the bravery of their transition. Why aren’t the widows and orphans celebrated for the bravery of dealing with being left behind?
Trans widows don’t seem to get the great profiles in newspapers and magazines. Journalists who think that transition makes someone ‘brave’ and ‘stunning’ don’t feel the same about newly-single mothers whose partners have decided to erase them. Have a look yourself. Find some profiles of formerly married ‘trans women’ and then look for a mention of the mother of their children. On the site Make More Noise, @tranwidow, talks about what women can do for trans widows. It’s a rare, authentic voice from the voiceless. She describes herself aptly as the ‘elephant in the room’ and advises: “Don’t, under any circumstances, refer to him as my daughter’s mother. She only has one mother and it’s not him.”
I only had one mother too.

childrenoftransitioners.org/2019/08/29/the-invisible-mother/

Can I ask a question?

Section 12 of the GRA says that a GRC does not change your legal sex for the purposes of parenthood - e.g. Freddie McConnell, having given birth to two children, was not allowed to be listed as 'Father' on their birth certificates, despite being 'legally male'.

www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2004/7/section/12

Is it different for adoption certificates? Are you recorded as your adoptive child's mother?

He's been circling around it for a couple of years, but during the pregnancy is when he decided to change his name, clothing and other steps.
I am not sure whether it was the attention, possible control or a mixture.
To me, it is incredibly selfish of him.

Is it different for adoption certificates? Are you recorded as your adoptive child's mother?

Yes, it is different for adoption certificates and yes I am legally recognized as my son's mother.

yep, not forgetting a good dose of women-hatred and erasure.

Did you have to disclose your previous name? If so, did you? If you did then it’s disingenuous to say you didn’t have to disclose your status as a trans woman. Unless your birth name was not immediately identifiable as male.

So if somebody committed a crime, served their sentence, and then changed their legal sex, they would potentially be able to adopt and the authorities would be non the wiser?

I would imagine that everyone who saw this particular person during the adoption process recognised immediately that they were born male and remained so.

So I’m confused @Bathhy if you’re male ie a transwoman, and your partner is male, how can you adopt as a straight couple? Surely that would be a homosexual couple adopting. Unless of course your partner is a female with a trans identity.

This is not how it works - if you change your name on your birth certificate any criminal records also update with that name and if you change your legal sex they also change as well.

But of course, trans women are always up to something sinister and are never just trying to live their life.

Well quite. However there are particular declarations that are legally binding. I can’t imagine the poster didn’t have to make these. From what they have said so far their version of events seems further delusion and fantasy, that no one had picked up on their status as a trans woman and they were taken to be a woman. Seems unlikely, especially from the point of view of officialdom.

Not if you have a gender recognition - It's wild me how gender critical people talk about the gender recognition certificate so much but doesn't seem to understand how it works

Oh I do understand how it works. It’s a legal fiction. A lie. And as Freddy McDonnell discovered, does not change your sex in all circumstances. You assume none of us have any clue about these issues. Typical rookie mistake.

In any government forms you are usually required to state any previous names - when applying for a marriage certificate for example. Are you saying you were not required to provide your previous name or names? If not this a major safeguarding failure, not particularly because you are a trans woman but in general. I find it hard you were not required to do so and would be grateful for your clarification.

Is that like when IW claims to have a cervix, or TW claim gynaecologists can’t tell the difference between a neo vagina and an actual vagina?