Autistic teen told to call male TA “Mx” & not “Sir” or “Mr *name*

[BethDuttonsTwin]

This happened to dd this morning at school. She then came out of school at told me she no longer wants one to one help in her lessons - her EHCP says 25 hours a week. It’s too difficult to remember what to call him and she’s embarrassed she will get it wrong in front of the other students.

What now? I want to make a formal complaint. Am raging tbh. Can someone tell me who I need to be contacting please? The school are totally woke and rainbow soaked. Thank you.

So this TAs feels are more important than the fact your DD needs help and his wants are priority? Fucking disgraceful and shows the murkiness of the path we're on.

Much as I’d want to go ballistic I would try talking to her SEN lead ( sorry if that’s wrong title) and just explain what dd has said. If they don’t sort it then I’d formally complain.

This person isn’t suitable to work with your DD. The school need to find someone who is

Just request a meeting with whoever is in charge and express your concerns. I think on this occasion she will just have to make the effort to comply with the TA's wishes. I dont think its worth making a thing about this. But up to you.

I had this at work..... everyone else is called by their first name usually (not a school obvs). Seemed quite OTT but being so diversity friendly it all got assimilated...

Could she be allowed to use the TAs name?

The school is under a responsibility to make reasonable adjustments for your DD due to her SEN. It seems as if the demands of this adult for personal validation by using an incomprehensible title and denying facts may be at odds with her needs for clarity, facts and use of clear language in order to enable her education OP?

Has he been her TA for long - what's her relationship usually like with him? Or is he new to her.

It's a tricky one in the sense that the school will panic about failing to pander to the demands of self involved adult and will (if they're Stonewall captured) have little difficulty in ignoring the needs of a child over an adult claiming reality denying privileges.

Yes, prefixed with Mx…

Talk to the SENCO- depending on staffing levels they may be able to swap 1-1s or the TA may be ok with whatever your daughter is comfortable with calling him. You can’t provide effective support without a good relationship with your pupil and if your daughter is anxious that relationship can’t be built yet.

I disagree that she should have to try to go along with the ta wishes. It’s upsetting her and making things hard for her. The TA is supposed to be making school easier for her not harder.

I'm 38 and I'd feel like a twit saying Mx and would struggle to remember that.

Ridiculous.

Reminds me of a teacher called ms... At school and she got really shitty about being called miss.

Has he been her TA for long - what's her relationship usually like with him? Or is he new to her.

New to her. Thanks for the first paragraph of your post, I might use it in any communication I make with them if you don’t mind?

How is that even pronounced?

Bloody stupid, selfish twat. Definitely in the wrong job. Talk to the SEND/SENCO lead and have at him.

How do you even pronounce that? “Mux”? “mix”?

Twat?

This.

People who say it’s not worth making a fuss over sound like they have never had to help an autistic teenager cope with school. Sure it’s not worth making a fuss over but a person with autism can’t just switch the part of their brain that gets anxious about these things to not getting anxious.

I think on this occasion she will just have to make the effort to comply with the TA's wishes.

No.

The TA will have to just make the effort to meet the needs of a disabled child as they are employed to bloody well do, and frankly I would expect them to be horrified the child is this distressed and the first in line to repair this situation if they are any good at all at their job. The child is not bloody well attending school in order to meet the wishes of any adult on site.

WORLD of no. OP go absolutely bloody batshit with the Code of Practice in one hand, the Equality Act in the other, and your local IASS parent advocacy service on bloody speed dial.

There was a post the other day about a mum who had gotten ‘no exposure to gender ideology’ added to her child’s EHCP. Worth digging that out for some ideas on how to approach this?

I completely disagree with a previous commenter - all three of my kids have entirely different complex needs and I wouldn’t just suck up any of them having their own access to education compromised by an adult’s special identity category.

I’m not one for playing oppression top trumps generally but surely everyone can agree that a special needs child’s ability to access appropriate educational support should be prioritised over an adult’s special name request?

Terrible terrible response!
A child with an EHCP with 25 hours support stated clearly has significant needs. Gaslighting such a child by expecting them to believe that a man is a woman is beyond acceptable.
OP, I would meet with the SENCo, point out that your DD will not be compelled to deny reality and therefore either the TA will have to accept being called ‘sir’, or they will have to provide a different TA.

Paging @WarriorN who IIRC works with SEN kids…

How on earth would you even pronounce "Mx"
So unfair and confusing

This person isn't suitable to work in schooling. Schools teach science.

It makes me think of flat Earthers teaching geography or physics.

I’m not one for playing oppression top trumps generally but surely everyone can agree that a special needs child’s ability to access appropriate educational support should be prioritised over an adult’s special name request?

Particularly when that adult is being employed to provide services to the child ffs. And therefore can reasonably expected to understand Autism, the requirements of the law and entitlements of disabled children in education, and to place the needs of the child they are being paid to help above their own wishes.

But this is assuming that the TA is not aware of the havoc they have caused and is unwilling to repair the damage. If they're worth their contract and pay, they will be.

'needs to comply with the wishes of' (a member of staff)..... still reeling on that one. Absolutely bloody NOT.

Is this in the UK? I've heard that lots of non-binary teachers in the US call themselves Mx, but never heard of it in the UK. Anyway, push back on it hard, for your daughter's sake.