Autistic teen told to call male TA “Mx” & not “Sir” or “Mr *name*

[BethDuttonsTwin]

This happened to dd this morning at school. She then came out of school at told me she no longer wants one to one help in her lessons - her EHCP says 25 hours a week. It’s too difficult to remember what to call him and she’s embarrassed she will get it wrong in front of the other students.

What now? I want to make a formal complaint. Am raging tbh. Can someone tell me who I need to be contacting please? The school are totally woke and rainbow soaked. Thank you.

The OP has made remarks about the school in the OP - ('totally woke and rainbow soaked') - but it would be wise to frame any complaint in a way that focuses on the child not the school. It is not going to get anywhere attacking the school.

I have not said ANYWHERE that the child holds any views one way or another so you can have for that piece of bollocks.

I'm sorry this is causing her anxiety. I would echo speak to the head of SEN and see if they can offer some support such as a different TA. If the school is woke, I would talk about your DDs anxiety around getting it wrong and that it is causing an issue due to her autism rather than getting political get specific to what she needs.

I doubt if someone got married they’d be offended if a child couldn’t stop calling them by their previous name.

if I worked with an autistic child I’d be telling them it’s fine to call me whatever you need to.

most teachers in secondary school become miss or sir regardless. Nobody ever says my name.

I want to know how to say mx- I am pretty woke but I wouldn’t manage this I have to say.

i don’t even mind whatever gender whoever wants to be or not be. It’s a bit like this teacher who insisted they be called doctor surname. They taught English. Great you’ve got a phd but shouting at students to call you doctor surname doesn’t really help!!!

Great you’ve got a phd but shouting at students to call you doctor surname doesn’t really help!!!
I fear we might have met the same person.

Actually, I've met a couple of teachers who would be quite rude over the Dr being dropped. I always found it a sign of a fragile ego if they needed teenagers to remind them that they're smart.

Not in the UK - it might be a choice but it's not" well used" at all. I've never come across anyone using it in real life. It absolutely hasn't been standard for many years. Not saying we don't need a form of address that doesn't specify marital status or sex, but to say that Mx is in standard use is nonsense.

Could she just call him by his first name.
If the school's progressive enough to be going along with whatever Mx is surely first names should be perfectly fine.

Nimbostratus100
Mx ( pronounced (mux) is a perfectly normal well used title, standard for many years, a choice for anyone that doesnt want their title to be sex-linked

Never heard of it before actually.

DelphiniumBlue · Today 18:36

Not in the UK - it might be a choice but it's not" well used" at all. I've never come across anyone using it in real life.

Like Annabananna1 today is the first time I've seen it.

This teacher is being paid to make sure a neuro-diverse child can access mainstream education. Instead they’ve made the child so worried and upset that the child would rather withdraw from the one-to-one support.

As teaching failures go, that’s pretty complete.

OP, I’d definitely request a different TA. This one sounds like they need more training before they’re able to work with autistic children.

My DD's primary school has a Mx teaching assistant. Partway through last year, he changed from Mr to Mx.

My DD was talking about a McSandy, and I was really confused about her addressing a TA by just their surname.

Turns out they are Mx Andy.

DD was only 5, she didn't realise the Mx was a title, and thought it was all one name.

• Name changed, but it gives you an idea of how it sounds.

That made me lol 😁.

It’s all just so silly isn’t it?

If you find it that ridiculous, you shouldn’t find it that hard to remember.

Why should she be compelled to do something she finds ridiculous?

Hmm yeah! Well if it was attached to a 6 foot 6 bloke with a beard my brain would automatically go to mr.

Why should someone have to remember to defy what they 👀 see before them?

Yeah op, just fix her communication disability by tomorrow will you.

This is ridiculous!

Your DD is going to have teachers and TAs who get married and divorced and change from Miss, Mrs and Ms and even change their last names too.

Talk to the school and the TA about her worries of getting it wrong but she can’t demand a new TA or teacher because their name changes, else she’ll be constantly changing.

Get her to write it down and keep it in her pencil case.

Couldn't it be reframed as a positive for your daughter? When she is at college/university/work/ the shops she will come across people who want to be addressed by different names/pronouns and that is their right.

This way she gets to know a trusted adult who uses one of these terms and slowly learns that it's ok. She learns how sometimes we call people what they want not necessarily because we agree but because we respect them and their views.

She shouldn’t have to op, in fact this would be a hill I’d be prepared to die on,
If he was that bothered by a prefix, then he should allow her to call him by his first name…..ffs the worlds gone mad !!

My child is obviously on the autistic spectrum, but nowhere near needing an EHCP. At 11, Mini-Pots was still calling the one male teacher at primary school "Miss" and referring to me as he.

The male teacher dealt with it without making a fuss, as did I.

There is a word for someone who makes a fuss about a child with such severe needs she has an EHCP if she struggles with unique titles, and that word is "pathetic".

This is my nightmare and like many with autistic children likely to be a problem at some point. My child didn’t use pronouns correctly till he was in late primary/early secondary and even now (adult) gets muddled sometimes. It’s a marked problem for autistic people with language deficits (so lots of autistic people). It takes years of work to achieve normal language and it’s hard. This would be a disaster for us. Like telling someone who had spent years recovering from selective mutism to “shut up”. I think you need a reasonable adjustment.

@idontevenknowanyonecalledblurb
" This way she gets to know a trusted adult who uses one of these terms and slowly learns that it's ok. "

I wouldn't be trusting any adult, anywhere near any child, that prioritises their own wishes above those of a child that they are supposed to be there to help, particularly when the child has extra difficulties with communication.

I’ve never actually heard of it before this post.

How is it any different to remembering a name?

And it's actually not ok.

You’re really saying you’ve never had to do anything you didn’t want to?