Autistic teen told to call male TA “Mx” & not “Sir” or “Mr *name*

[BethDuttonsTwin]

This happened to dd this morning at school. She then came out of school at told me she no longer wants one to one help in her lessons - her EHCP says 25 hours a week. It’s too difficult to remember what to call him and she’s embarrassed she will get it wrong in front of the other students.

What now? I want to make a formal complaint. Am raging tbh. Can someone tell me who I need to be contacting please? The school are totally woke and rainbow soaked. Thank you.

Maybe, I think it depends on how he told her if he just stated 'my name is Mx xxx' then yeah, ok, but it sounds like he might have made a bigger deal about it than that.

Have a look on Sex Matters abs the Safe Schools Alliance. They have lots of info on where we stand as parents and templates for complaints and emails.

Is it? I know I've heard of it theoretically for a while, but I have never seen it or heard it used in real life by anyone up until a couple of years ago. Interestingly also a male teacher. But that's the only person I've ever heard use it.

But why should she?! it’s in opposition to social norms, and a major part of autism in girls , is not wanting to appear different, not to stand out. Hence “masking”. She alone of all the students in her class is going to have to communicate with him in a way that’s going to make her stand out. She is the only one who has to change how she communicates with a MALE staff member with an audience of 29 other teens. They will have little to do with “Mx”. She was the only one who had to be told to change how she addressed him. Thus, now STANDING OUT! His gender bullshit is now an extra job for my CHILD to have to manage!

well, I've seen a steady trickle in the past decade or so, mostly women. Its just about not wanting a gendered title

That's unlikely to wash with the school though, similar was said of 'Ms' in the past.

I can see the issue about mistakes being strongly criticised, but I can't see the issue with the title itself.

Mx is not normal at all. Whatsoever.
OP I'm seconding the going ballistic option. Your child's needs come first.

I agree, Mx has been around a considerable time and the people I knew who used it (admittedly small numbers) were women annoyed at having to be identified as basically 'not Mr' by virtue of being Mrs/Miss/Ms.

Max? Mux?

Ridiculous. If this teacher cared about your Dc and nurturing them, they wouldn’t mind if they got the name wrong. Priorities aren’t right here.

Yesterday I read something on here about Zir and Ze. No idea how that is pronounced either.

I have never in my life met anyone that uses Mx and I'm nearly 50.

You think a teen with a recognised disability should decline any support offered or be made seriously uncomfortable in order to appease the adult man who’s job it is to support her?

could you explain why?

Can she call him by his first name?

I have no issue with the title either. The point is that it's not unreasonable for a child with autism to experience difficulties with it. They may well struggle with Ms too, also understandable. But as I said, I've never encountered a female teacher who was in any way bothered by being called Miss or Mrs instead of Ms.

Exactly this. The teacher has every entitlement to be called by who they are, as does your child. This should be respected. People always change their names and titles throughout life anyway and this is just part of life and always will be. Stop being unreasonable!

Christ, this is an adult placing their needs above the child that they are teaching.

Red flag.

I'd have a word with the head and also potentially consider involving governors, describing what she's said.

I'd consider getting something into her ehcp next time it is reviewed.

Many of the autistic pupils I teach fail to remember my name even after several years. Most have speech, memory and language difficulties. Least able often shorten to first names or just surname with no miss/mrs/mr.

The OP seems primarily bothered because it is 'gender bullshit'.

The school are going to assume that anyway.

Not sure what is the benefit to the child of taking this route.

Kids regularly misgender teachers / adults and it should never be an issue. I've never heard a married colleague have a hissy fit about being called Miss and I've never bothered about the accidental Mum or sir.
This is about the child and their learning - that's the purpose of schools. Schools are not platforms for adult performances about queer theory - no matter how often the ignorant about children activist groups would have us believe.

The OP's daughter has an EHCP for specific reasons and no adult should be negatively impacting on that for their own validation.

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · Today 17:04

How is that even pronounced?

So, it's mux - does he think he's an electronic bypass switch?

Anyway, he seems to be unsuited to this sort of role, if he's making a big fuss about a neurodiverse pupil, who is struggling with the title and understanding what its implications are. He seems to be too self-centred and not taking his job seriously, especially in light of at least two teachers / former teachers explaing here that they simply didn't make a fuss.

His job is to assist the girl and to help her learn in a calm fashion, not to make her stressed, by complaining about a minor mistake. Perhaps he ought to think about re-training, for another job?

Really, @BethDuttonsTwin make a complaint along the lines suggested earlier. Your daughter's education must not be allowed to suffer, in the name of stroking matey's fragile ego.

The benefit to the child is that challenging this prioritises her learning - which is the purpose of the school .

I don't know about other schools but my children seem to call all female teachers 'Miss' (whether their title is Miss, Ms, or Mrs) and male teachers 'Sir'.

I don't think teachers should personally waste their time correct students, on their title. And I certainly think that if a child is has SEND then a male teacher should expect to be called Mr or Sir.

These adults who expect children in their care to validate their special identities are selfish IMO.

@BethDuttonsTwin

I'd also consider emailing Safe Schools Alliance U.K. tagging @2fallsagain

I've had mum a few times...

I still have flashbacks of doing this at secondary school! The embarrassment!