Trans and losing my mind...

[bluepetergeneration]

Posting here in good faith. And I'll leave that at that.

I'm a TS. I was born male. I don't normally post on mumsnet but I started using it as I have a 1 year old DD. I won't tell my whole life story, that would be self indulgent, so I'll just say what I came here to say.

I'm sick to death of my community. I'm sick of the misogyny. I'm under no illusion that I'm a woman or ever will be. I transitioned when I was very young so I pass, but I still now only use female bathrooms when there's no other option (such as a disabled bathroom- I would feel unsafe in the mens). What I have is a disorder- it was crippling- and now I live my life so that I can actually enjoy it and not feel 'wrong'.

The idea of self-ID sickens me, and I'm tired of having to have the same conversations over and over again with other trans people who accuse me of being some kind of self hating transsexual just because I care about the safety of women. I also care about the safety of my kid. Partly because I'm worried she'll be in danger because I'm trans, and also because I don't want her to get caught up in all these weird messages that being trans isn't a disorder around dysphoria (which it is).

I guess I'm posting this to say that in this fight, trans people with genuine dysphoria who aren't delusional will be standing right beside you.

Also a plea to not paint all of us with the same brush. You can fight for the rights of trans people (like me, I should be able to present female and not get attacked, and when I was in my late teens and still looked a bit male I did get attacked) and also be gender critical

What's a TS?

💐

Trans sexual I think - someone who has had surgery not jus5 someone who self ids. Commitment.

You disagree with self-id but you self-id your way into women's facilities. No thank you.

If you are posting here in good faith then I'm listening. I have a few friends in a similar situation (none with a DD though) and its good to hear from you.

Sorry should've been clearer. But yes as the post below says: Transsexual. Not just self ID.

Only when I'm out in public, need the bathroom and there's no disabled bathrooms available

I look enough like a woman now (not saying i am one) I'd literally be playing with fire entering a men's space

Will your child be allowed to call you ""Dad"?

I look enough like a woman now (not saying i am one) I'd literally be playing with fire entering a men's space

"Literally"

I hear you. The whole debate generates more heat than light at times and that’s not always helpful. There needs to be a way to meet the genuine needs of transsexuals and women and girls without compromising the safety of either.

So women must budge up and make space for you in their spaces?

If you care so much about women’s sex based rights, why don’t you campaign for men to accept you as a subset of the male sex class?

That would be confusing as my DH would be dad.

We've gone for a word which means 'parent' in our culture.

I would never, ever enter a women's only space which isn't a bathroom.

I don't really want to explain any further as to why I wouldn't be able to use a men's restroom, as I think it's self explanatory.

I hear you, OP. I think it's horribly irresponsible the way some individuals and organisations have put people like you in the crossfire.

And (by way of illustrating the breadth of positions possible under the 'GC' umbrella), personally i have no issue with you using the women's toilet under the limited circumstances you set out. This is exactly the kind of concession the vast majority of women were content to make until Stonewall et al "widened the bandwidth" of what it means to be a trans woman.

Have you used a surrogate?

I don't really want to explain any further as to why I wouldn't be able to use a men's restroom, as I think it's self explanatory.

In other words, ‘shut up women, I’ll do what I want’!

This is a key issue of the trans debate I simply cannot understand....

Transwomen are too scared of men to use the mens toilet facilities. However they, as men, use the womens' toilets - which leaves women fearful! They no doubt feel able to do this as women are (generally) physically weaker than men.

I do not believe that any man (trans or otherwise) should be in womens toilets. It makes no difference if they are fully transitioned or not. They are a space where sex matters.

The answer is to provide alternative toilets open to anyone to use.

You're male and you're married to a male, so where did your child come from?

Op you say you would be at risk in the men's, but by using the women's you put us at risk; your presence in our spaces opens those spaces up to men who want to harm us.

Women's spaces aren't for 'anyone who looks like a woman', they are for women.

“I’m sick of the misogyny” “I care about the safety of women”

Yet it appears that you and your male partner have a child. So do you not think using a woman’s body to produce a child is the height of misogyny.

I am assuming you used a surrogate since I don’t think many adoption agencies would have accepted you and your partner as adoptive parents.

Or an alternative solution would be to put the issue back where it started, with men and male violence. Why should women have to be the ones providing the solution to an issue that isn’t our problem in the first place.

@viques agreed!

I genuinely find the cognitive dissidence of these trans women genuinely infuriating!

It reeks of, "I'm scared of male violence so I'm going to use the womens' toilets." Therefore exposing women to the risk of male violence!

As men, they know if any women is brazen enough to challenge them that they can physically overpower them.

Potential violence aside - there are also the implications for women of certain religions and women recovering from trauma etc.

It's male entitlement all over - beyond infuriating!

Just to say that I actually fully agree with this. If there was always an option where I could use alternative toilets I'd only ever use that.

I also feel bad using disabled toilets- they are there for people who need them. But I do because as I said, I don't use women's bathrooms when there are other options.

If I'm faced with a binary option where I have to use the men's or the women's because the disabled loos are out of order or occupied, where do you think I should go? Do you think I should use the men's? Genuine question.