7 yo boy wants to wear dress and tights to school

[TotallyAverage]

My DS has not long turned 7. We've always allowed him to choose his clothes and shoes, toys, books etc as much as he is interested so he has occasionally worn pink trainers and sparkly hairbands etc but generally isn't bothered and just wears navy tracksuit bottoms and a Minecraft/super mario t-shirt. Lately he's been pushing more and more to wear dresses and tights especially to school and I'm not sure how best to reply.

We've always tried to teach him that it doesn't matter how he dresses, what his hair looks like, what toys or films he likes, he's a boy and is male. Boys and girls can like anything they want to, there's no such thing as boys toys etc.

We've done this in a fairly gentle way but always been consistent, I've always thought it was the right thing to do. I'm not totally sure now, as he is questioning why he can't wear a dress to school, if it doesn't change who he is. Essentially asking me to put my money where my mouth is!

As a 3, 4, 5 year old at nursery I'd have let him, he had plenty of princess clothes and things he could wear, but to school/beavers etc? I also don't want anyone to make more of it than it is. We're in Scotland and I feel like we have to be extra careful how we discuss sex and gender with the children.

I'm not sure I'm expressing myself very well here, I'm basically trying to say to him dresses are only for girls, but also that he can be who he wants and wear what he wants... I'm in a guddle with it. Maybe I'm overthinking? Any wisdom?!

In what way are they practical for girls but not for boys?

MalagaNights · Today 20:11
Apols @ScrollingLeaves I missed the tongue in cheekness in my hasty outrage!

Thank you, MalagaNights but please don’t worry at all 🙂

It's already been said, ease of toilet usage.

Girls sit down to use the toilet. Boys stand up. You can surely see that a skirt is less practical for a boy when peeing standing up?

The differential treatment seems to be that a boy without (or with, it doesn't really matter) gender dysphoria is being told he can't wear the girls uniform, and the girl (again, without or with gender dysphoria - it doesn't matter) is being told it is fine for her to wear the girls uniform.

I think
'this is the uniform for boys
you are a boy
uniform must be worn in school
therefore, you are going to wear boys uniform

plus
toilet explanation
is all you need to assert this boundary, as his mother and adult-in-charge.

we might be having a different conversation if the danger of school transing him was not so present- but we are where we are

For children to learn to think outside the box they have to first know that there is a box and what’s in it and why. Because most people they’ll ever meet live in there.

I can't make head nor tail of that? Boys wear boys uniform , girls wear girls uniform. No one is being treated differently.

No, they both have a uniform, one for girls and one for boys. There is no negative impact on a boy not being able to wear a girl’s uniform.

If he doesn't wear one elsewhere, and isn't constantly in dresses outside of school, why the sudden desire he has to wear one at school?

This is obviously going to shock some of you but men and boys can, and frequently do, sit down to have a pee.

I'm pretty sure a large proportion of people on this thread are gender critical, and yet when push comes to shove here some of you are trying to enforce gender norms.

Yes, it's blindingly obvious that they can. None the less, the vast majority don't.

I am not altogether GC.

I don’t think even Professor Kathleen Stock thinks all gender norms serve no purpose or are necessarily redundant, but I am not an expert on what she has said.

Yes some do, but most don’t. We are talking about a school with young children. They aren’t at home where someone can help them. It has absolutely nothing to do with enforcing gender norms and everything to do with pragmatism when dealing with groups of young children.

Why do they both have to wear different uniforms?

Do you think girls shouldn't be allowed to wear trousers to school?

Of course girls should be able to wear trousers, but that doesn’t appear to be the uniform policy at this school. I am sure if there was a demand for girls to wear trousers the school would have implemented it. A difference doesn’t mean that boys or girls are being treated as less than the other, which was your previous point.

If this little boy doesn’t sit down to pee, and doesn’t know how to direct his pee, why would any poster try to make this ‘an issue’ saying some boys and men do?

OP would have said something a while back if this little boy sat down to pee. And didn’t.

Bringing it into the conversation the way Goldpaw has, seems like another disingenuous ‘look at the supposed feminists’ post to me.

I don't know where you have got 'treated as less than' from my posts, I have only referred to sexes being treated differently.

The OP's son is creating a demand to wear skirts / dresses at their school...So as per the logic in your post - this should be respected & implemented as school policy?

One 7 year old musing about wearing a dress is not "creating a demand", give over!

I referred to being treated as less than because you introduced the concept of differential treatment which implies that where two classes of people are treated differently, one of them is disadvantaged. Perhaps you didn’t intend the phrase to have that meaning.
In fairness the OP says her son has said WHY can’t I wear a dress to school. Not I want to wear a dress to school.

kilt

For the love of God.

This is one 7 year old little boy who doesn’t have gender dysphasia issues from what I understand.

A perfectly ‘normal’ child questioning rules and here we all are debating whether or not he should be encouraged.

He is 7, as a parent as an adult it is our duty to help shape little minds into acceptance,tolerance and understanding but it is our most important job to help them have a happy and joyful childhood and that means certain rules.

As parents,as adults helping young children ‘grow’ into the world we will sometimes have to say no, have to accept conformity and unfortunately rules.

Where will we draw the line at allowing children making the decisions about childhood?

let’s not have our children need therapy to recover from unparented childhoods.

As you are in Scotland, could he not wear a kilt? My Scottish nephews wore kilts when they were younger and often still wear them now they are adults.

Exactly this - the Zealot will be socially transitioning him, giving him a new name and fast tracking him on to the rainbow path in a heartbeat.

All for wearing a piece of clothing that boys don't normally wear. Unfortunately that's where we are now.
Maybe get him a kilt as others have said, some black leggings to go underneath and some excellent stumpy boots.

Stompy not stumpy!!!