7 yo boy wants to wear dress and tights to school

[TotallyAverage]

My DS has not long turned 7. We've always allowed him to choose his clothes and shoes, toys, books etc as much as he is interested so he has occasionally worn pink trainers and sparkly hairbands etc but generally isn't bothered and just wears navy tracksuit bottoms and a Minecraft/super mario t-shirt. Lately he's been pushing more and more to wear dresses and tights especially to school and I'm not sure how best to reply.

We've always tried to teach him that it doesn't matter how he dresses, what his hair looks like, what toys or films he likes, he's a boy and is male. Boys and girls can like anything they want to, there's no such thing as boys toys etc.

We've done this in a fairly gentle way but always been consistent, I've always thought it was the right thing to do. I'm not totally sure now, as he is questioning why he can't wear a dress to school, if it doesn't change who he is. Essentially asking me to put my money where my mouth is!

As a 3, 4, 5 year old at nursery I'd have let him, he had plenty of princess clothes and things he could wear, but to school/beavers etc? I also don't want anyone to make more of it than it is. We're in Scotland and I feel like we have to be extra careful how we discuss sex and gender with the children.

I'm not sure I'm expressing myself very well here, I'm basically trying to say to him dresses are only for girls, but also that he can be who he wants and wear what he wants... I'm in a guddle with it. Maybe I'm overthinking? Any wisdom?!

Wearing dress-up make believe princess clothing is make believe. He will be able to dress up play make believe occasionally at school (world book day for instance).
But he’s a boy and his uniform is shorts and trousers.

My daughter wore boys trousers and shorts when she was at school.

The only worry I would have is that the school might start telling him he must be a girl because a lot of them have been indoctrinated by Stonewall or Mermaids to believe that children who don't conform with gender stereotypes might be trans.

As he he is so young he might believe the school or other children. He might also be teased by other children.

I completely agree, particularly since OP has made a point of telling him for seven years that clothes and toys are just clothes and toys and are nothing to do with sex and gender. And that he can wear whatever he likes.

Now OP is potentially going to start gendering his clothes and telling him he can't wear "girl's clothes".

And if the school doesn't allow any pupil to wear a dress then why not if it's the uniform?

I have primary school aged children (P5) in Scotland and I'd be equally concerned, OP.

The fact that our country is on track to essentially eliminate parents out of gender "choices" and even potentially label any parental objection as "conversion therapy" is terrifying to me.

My children attend a RC school too and I think the curriculum is different on the subject of body/sex/gender, but if I remember correctly your DS wouldn't have had lessons covering that at his age

If he's got an older sister, or if he's got two older sisters or whatever, it's completely normal that he'll want to wear what they wear and dress up like they do.
Boys have always been like that. Likewise, girls with older brothers would usually be more boyish.

It's part of normal development. You just say like an adult, "you've got your uniform, here it is I'm not getting you another" or words to that affect.

Why because it’s not socially acceptable here. In some countries men do wear kilts or tunics (I believe with loose trousers underneath). Some also only wear loin cloths.
Where is his father in this drama?

There's a boy in our school who dresses up in his older sister's hand me down fairy costumes but strictly for non uniform days only.
He loves it and the parents don't need to fork out on new batman/Spiderman fancy dress shite. It's win-win.
But no way would he go to school in a skirt. It'd draw too much attention.

Have you actually asked him why he wants to wear a dress ?
what is his reasoning behind it ?
If he wants to 'dress up' then thats for world book day or out of school stuff not in class

I think this is key. As much as we like to talk about gender neutral clothing and toys the truth is that gender is written into clothing. If it wasn’t then trans people wouldn’t gravitate towards wearing clothes linked to the opposite sex.

This, too.

Gendering clothes is ridiculous, and there are whole campaigns around trying to get away from the idea that there are boy things and girl things.

After seven years of teaching him not to gender his clothes and toys, the OP is now contemplating changing this to tell him that actually there are girl things and boy things after all and that he must conform to these stereotypes.

At the very least he's going to wonder why his mum told him one thing all his life and is now telling him something else entirely.

Worst case scenario is that he prefers dresses and takes on board the rubbish that if he prefers dresses he must be a girl.

A boy at my daughters primary wears dresses. Kids don’t care. And he certainly doesn’t care if they do.

Also he’s not a a baby just talk to him. I’d say he’s free to wear what he wants but some people won’t think that and they may laugh/ tease. This isn’t right but it might happen. If he is okay with that then he can crack on.

TotallyAverage

Has he worn a dress before? Has he worn a dress outside the house before?

Is it more that a close friend is a girl and wears dresses?

^ this

If the school has a gendered uniform policy, you can tell him he has to follow that.

If it doesn't, tell him he can wear it, but he might get teased. Have him practice over the weekend and see if still wants to, but you can't really say "what you wear doesn't make you a boy or a girl" then tell him he can't wear a dress. You might want to discuss it with the school in advance.

You won't make him transgender whatever you do, any more than you can make him gay, so don't worry about that. It's not a social infection. Either he will be transgender or he won't. Chances are, he isn't.

Worst case scenario is that he prefers dresses and takes on board the rubbish that if he prefers dresses he must be a girl. that WCS no 1.

WCS no 2 would be that he wears a dress and a teacher and other children affirm him as trans and he begins to think they may be right.

Because due to the ridiculous world we now live in, next thing a teacher will be encouraging him to transition!

Yes, it seems that banning 'conversion therapy' only happens one way. A child who identifies as trans cannot be told or taught that they are not trans; but we all know, in the current climate, that a non-trans boy who happens to reject stereotypes can indeed be told that he is trans.

Because trans people have appropriated stereotypes for themselves, it now leaves the majority of us with far fewer choices open to us - I guess that's what 'inclusion' must mean....

The most sensible thing said on here

"I'm not sure exactly the PSE educational materials are, but it's an RC school so I think possibly quite conservative"
These days I wouldn't be so sure. Honestly. Especially in Scotland. All it takes is one teacher who thinks they're 'progressive', or the school to outsource the task and not preview it.

"... he is questioning why he can't wear a dress to school, if it doesn't change who he is."
I'd be wondering where this is coming from, because it doesn't sound very seven year old to me.

My response would be that whilst him wearing a dress would not change who he is, it would change other people's perception of him; and that you'd rather that didn't happen.

You won't make him transgender whatever you do, any more than you can make him gay

Gay puts the body and its sex as 100% fact.

Transgenderism denies this has any importance at all and splits the body from the mind. Confusing for a child.

You won't make him transgender whatever you do, any more than you can make him gay, so don't worry about that. It's not a social infection. Either he will be transgender or he won't. Chances are, he isn't

You don't think that a 7 year old can be 'socially influenced' into believing something is untrue?

Fascinating.

What explanation do you have for the fact that 4000% more girls are 'identifying as trans' than previously when the numbers of middle age women is much lower than that of men if not social infection? Whole friendship groups of teenage girls ALL have gender dysphoria?

"You won't make him transgender whatever you do, any more than you can make him gay"

I suspect that someone who says this either doesn't have vulnerable children, or is entrenched in ideological thinking, or has ignored the many threads on here and social media where parents and detransitioners tell the story of just how susceptible they were to social media and to people who affirmed them.

An over invested teacher here questioning and making comments can have a huge impact.

'transgender' is NOT equivalent to 'gay' in this case. It is a harmful equivalence and not actually useful and it is very disputable as to how much evidence exists to support it.

The school should keep an eye on him getting grief from bullies.

Not true unfortunately. He will be bullied if he wears a dress at school.

There's always one, claiming "I've seen this happen and no one bats an eyelid!".
There's no way a boy in a dress isn't going to attract attention (most of it negative) no matter how many people insist on it being such a normal thing to do that nobody will even notice.