7 yo boy wants to wear dress and tights to school

[TotallyAverage]

My DS has not long turned 7. We've always allowed him to choose his clothes and shoes, toys, books etc as much as he is interested so he has occasionally worn pink trainers and sparkly hairbands etc but generally isn't bothered and just wears navy tracksuit bottoms and a Minecraft/super mario t-shirt. Lately he's been pushing more and more to wear dresses and tights especially to school and I'm not sure how best to reply.

We've always tried to teach him that it doesn't matter how he dresses, what his hair looks like, what toys or films he likes, he's a boy and is male. Boys and girls can like anything they want to, there's no such thing as boys toys etc.

We've done this in a fairly gentle way but always been consistent, I've always thought it was the right thing to do. I'm not totally sure now, as he is questioning why he can't wear a dress to school, if it doesn't change who he is. Essentially asking me to put my money where my mouth is!

As a 3, 4, 5 year old at nursery I'd have let him, he had plenty of princess clothes and things he could wear, but to school/beavers etc? I also don't want anyone to make more of it than it is. We're in Scotland and I feel like we have to be extra careful how we discuss sex and gender with the children.

I'm not sure I'm expressing myself very well here, I'm basically trying to say to him dresses are only for girls, but also that he can be who he wants and wear what he wants... I'm in a guddle with it. Maybe I'm overthinking? Any wisdom?!

@VeronicaBeccabunga
Couldn't agree more.
And I would add:
Ffs parent your child and say No . There's a time and a place!

“Hmm DS, going to the loo is super easy in trousers isn’t it. Hmm, have you every tried it in a winter dress and tights? No? Oh well you might just find it’s a bit too tricky to manage at school. You wouldn’t want to get in a pickle would you.”

Yep me too , this shit is getting out of control . Parents terrified to tell kids they can't do something.

We're in Scotland and I feel like we have to be extra careful how we discuss sex and gender with the children.

OP unless you know of other specific reasons, I think it is possible he has been having PSHE lessons and trans gender ideology books ( a new industry) muddling him.

I know of a mixed sex private English school with a uniform policy that says both sexes can wear any of the uniform, but they have trousers and kilts. Obviously kilts do not take a boy out of a social norm in the same way as a dress does, on the contrary.

Let him wear a dress otherwise you are saying dresses are just for girls and therefore playing into the whole trans bullshit.

Teach him boys can wear dresses without thinking they have to have their dicks chopped off.

My son is similar and honestly I had the same feelings. They're just ingrained into us that our boys just shouldn't wear a dress for school but when you really try to think up a justifiable answer as to why they can't it's impossible. So let him wear a dress, just let him know he's a boy in a dress.

Our school got rid of boys and girls uniform and just let anyone wear anything from the uniform list.

How about, you have a penis and testicles trousers keep your testicles warmer. The added fabric protects them a bit more in the playground as well.

A 7 year old?

OP, who has been whispering things in your son's ears?

Why has he suddenly got the urge to start dressing as a girl
This is all very strange.

I'd be keen to find out if he's been learning any "new" topics at school.

AS a mum who has a DS that is starting school soon, I find this very scary!

As a parent you need to take charge here and say no. Also ask to see the schools pshce curriculum. Is there new content which is introducing your 7 year old to these ideas especially as you say you're in Scotland

I've always taken the approach of letting them make an informed decision, and making sure they know potential consequences of things like this before deciding. Kids don't always have a full grasp of social norms and while it's ok to subvert those, I think they need to know that they would be doing so.

So I would say yes, you can wear what you like of course, but you do need to know that most of the time dresses are worn by girls, and some people might find it odd to see a boy in a dress so you will get asked questions about it and some people might find it funny.

I would gently warn him of the potential consequences and if he still wants to go ahead then let him, at least you wouldn't be sending him innocently into a situation where his feelings might be hurt.

Terrified to say no to him I think he'd have quite a different view on that!

I'm trying to help my children see past societal norms and stereotypes without making them question the immutable nature of their own sex, as I believe that gives them a solid platform upon which to base their sense of self and worth.

I'm not sure exactly the PSE educational materials are, but it's an RC school so I think possibly quite conservative... Maybe he's just seen the priest sashaying around in a dress and thought it looked like fun

There doesn't always have to be a clearly logical reason for a social norm. We abide by many cultural norms where the logic isn't necessarily evident, and they change over time once there is a consensus.

Children should not be revolutionaries overturning customs, they should be socialised to understand the culture they live in which they are then free to reject when older.

Telling a 7 year old you can do whatever you feel no matter how much it challenges the norms of school or the wider culture is poor parenting which will damage your child in order to demonstrate your own right onness.

Ffs a frock is not a maxi dress, it is a uniform. A uniform that signifies he’s part of an organization.
Is your son neurodiverse? Because by 7 he should have spotted that men wear trousers or shorts.
you really sound like a wet noodle here.

Sidestep. Boys wearing skirts is normal in Scotland, we call them kilts!

As a 3, 4, 5 year old at nursery I'd have let him, he had plenty of princess clothes and things he could wear, but to school/beavers etc? I also don't want anyone to make more of it than it is.

OP, you've been letting him wear princess dresses since he was 3 so how do you expect to stand your ground now? You've already set yourself up for this years ago I'm afraid. Maybe because you've "always allowed him to choose his clothes" he thinks this is no different. That's my opinion anyway.

you really sound like a wet noodle here.

I don’t think that is fair because there are confusing ideas around this issue.

You see people often saying never to ‘shame’ a child for wearing the non-conforming clothes as that could lead to them internalising a feeling of being wrong and later that could come out in the form of gender dysphoria or internalised homophobia.

Personally I agree with taking a simple line like MalagaNights says, but I do understand why the OP is not sure what to do for the best.

I did a, 'None of the other boys at school are wearing glittery hair slides. Maybe we could save them for home days.', approach. It worked.

What about long shorts and tights or long socks? As a starting point I’d sound it out with School and you can gage their response. They may be flexible and not try and enforce any policy. They may advise if other children are asking these questions too and how your child will be received by others if wearing a female uniform. All things to consider which only they can answer.

I think you've nailed it with the 'likes breaking taboos' thing. And while in a nursery if he wanted to be in a princess dress all day he'd be one of many and no one would look twice, I completely agree that letting him do this now is letting him walk into a giant pit of worms. There will be a lot of people, kids and adults, who will immediately start framing this to him in their own ways and with their own agendas, and a whole lot of politics will get involved with a lot of potential harms to him involved. He does not need to do this, he just wants to or wants to know why not, (and before anyone starts on the whole it's evil if he's identifying gender neutral etc, the girls wear trousers too, there IS a gender neutral uniform).

My answer would be at home you can dress any way you like. At school, this is your uniform, end of, and as the Cass report and other information is starting to make clear, social transition actions are not neutral. He's too little to let get into this current total mess of a political maze unprotected.

Because due to the ridiculous world we now live in, next thing a teacher will be encouraging him to transition!

Has he worn tights and a dress? Or tried to play in them? Waistbands and crotches of tights are uncomfortable, and they’re impractical for toileting. Dresses usually don’t have enough, or practical pockets, and are a right hindrance to play. Honestly I think that there’s some heavy hitting societal gaslighting to convince any girl to wear these things. Dd went through her dress phase in preschool/early primary but returned to comfort and practicality eventually.

I know this isn't going to go down well, but there's a boy in my year 2 child's class who wears dresses and all the other mums look at each other with that "ok then" look and he's such a sweet boy that he doesn't even realise and I do hear him talked about and I've heard him referred to as that strange kid. It's not right but it's not just kids that are cruel.

I’d say no. He’ll get the piss ripped out of him.

Has he said why he wants to wear a dress?

I don’t think it’s a surprising idea for a toddler. But more so for a 7yo.
id want to know the WHY before taking décision Tbh.

I’d be inclined to go with it’s too cold/when you grow out of your trousers and it’s time for new uniform we’ll look at skirts.

kick it down the kerb a bit.

agree with pp too- maybe buy some to wear
outside of school, he’ll soon realise how impractical they are.

Just let him? Why wouldn’t you? You can be a boy and wear dresses. Wearing a dress doesn’t make you a girl. Surely good for him to learn that ?