Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Question about trans women cycles

234 replies

Borris · 23/01/2023 20:34

I have a genuine question

I have a new ish work colleague who I get on well with and enjoy her company. She's a lesbian. Except that her girlfriend is a trans women. That's fine. I'm happy to refer to her by her chosen name and pronouns.

But what confused me is my friend saying more than once that their cycles had synched up and so they had one week a month when they were both super emotional.

Can this be a thing? Do trans women take different hormones at different times of the month? Genuine question, not being goady

Obviously only asking out of sheer nosiness. The first time she mentioned their cycles I didn't know that the partner was a trans woman and so now feel it's too late to ask!

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 23/01/2023 20:38

Tbh I don't like colleagues sharing intimate physical/medical details as I think it can go pear shaped in the work environment. I'd just do a bit of 'um hum' and change the subject.

In answer to your question, no, transwomen do not have hormonal cycles.

If you want this person as a friend I'd suggest perhaps she is expressing that their partner has difficult mood swings. The cause doesn't really matter. I'd start from there in terms of empathising.

PriOn1 · 23/01/2023 20:46

My understanding is that most MtF transitioners take daily hormone tablets and therefore don’t have any kind of cycle. I guess if they has monthly injections, there might be some effect, but more likely it’s imitation or psychosomatic.

I’m nosy and would be interested to know if this woman has actually dated any women.

Redebs · 23/01/2023 20:48

The whole synching of cycles is a myth in women, so even more daft to pretend that a man can have a coordinated menstrual cycle!
Also, your friend is in a relationship with a man, so not actually lesbian at the mo.

dementedpixie · 23/01/2023 20:49

Shes in a straight relationship!

Clymene · 23/01/2023 20:50

No of course not.

titchy · 23/01/2023 20:50

I thought you were talking about bicycles Blush But no. Obviously they can't sync - there's no cycle to sync.

Original poster
Borris · 23/01/2023 20:51

Thanks for the replies.

Yes she has dated women before but I think doesn't have a long dating history for a 30 year old.

I've realised I've labelled her lesbian but she might be bisexual. But she doesn't mention past men. She just says things like dating women is so much less complicated

OP posts:
MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 23/01/2023 20:51

I thought you were talking about bicycles

Me too!

titchy · 23/01/2023 20:52

Maybe OP's friend has horrible PMT and this is a way of their partner to ignore them cos theirs is worse?

Original poster
Borris · 23/01/2023 20:53

She does have terrible period pains, think heat pads up her jumper while at her desk. This is how the synching up comments started.

OP posts:
DarkDayforMN · 23/01/2023 20:53

Oh god. I suspect she was testing you for “transphobia.” Even if it wasn’t pure concentrated essence of bollocks, why would she tell you that?

Lots of TW have “periods” as part of their roleplay, they convince themselves of it the same way they convince themselves they’re women (i.e. deep down they know it’s bullshit, so they get the rage if anyone points that out.)

An actual woman who’s far gone enough to play along with that nonsense is probably bad news. I suggest politely distancing yourself.

Original poster
Borris · 23/01/2023 20:54

@DarkDayforMN Maybe. I've met the partner and found her pleasant but it's very obvious she's a trans woman.

OP posts:
DarkDayforMN · 23/01/2023 20:58

I suppose more charitably, it could have been a kind of cry for help. It must be pretty terrible having a man one-upping your period pain with pretendy games. But distancing yourself still seems like the best strategy, it’s not like you can state the obvious here.

Helleofabore · 23/01/2023 21:00

I thought you were talking about bicycles

Me too!

N00bz · 23/01/2023 21:02

He’s pretending to have period symptoms while he role plays womanhood.

Helleofabore · 23/01/2023 21:03

Some endocrinologists, I believe from reading accounts, might 'cycle' with doses so play with the % of hormones.

But, of course they don't have PMT or menstruation. It is all very dramatic though. They post about their emotions and their cramps (what is cramping.... well, maybe it is constipation???) but it is not anything remotely like menstruation.

And it is fucking offensive to anyone who has suffered from horrendous period pain !

Wbeezer · 23/01/2023 21:07

Oh god, I just got involved in a long "discussion" about transwomens "periods" on Reddit. Some of them really are convinced they suffer everything but the bleeding. I had the whole thing mansplained to me ( but got quite a few upticks for my attempts at refutation).

Original poster
Borris · 23/01/2023 21:07

Thanks. I'm glad I'm not going mad thinking what cycle?! I shall continue being friends with my colleague as I enjoy her company but will swerve any discussion of cycles or similar.

OP posts:
Berthatydfil · 23/01/2023 21:11

Why bother with the dressing gown of doom when once a month you can appropriate your partners genuine pain and discomfort and try to gaslight them that you have it worse.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/01/2023 21:11

My narc family member always appropriated his wife's illnesses, saying he got them too. Up to and including the cancer that killed her.

He may even have delayed her diagnosis because since both of them presented with the same symptoms, they assumed an environmental or transmissible cause at first.

I'd sure he did 'feel' the pain and illness, but it was entirely psychosomatic.

DietCock · 23/01/2023 21:11

If any man wants to have the period pain I used to have, he's welcome to it. I suspect there would be 0 takers for that one (think of at least 24 hours every month of appalling pain, diarrhoea, vomiting, and a severe dose of javelin arse, followed by four or so days of moderate pain and javelin arse - and still having to "just get on with it").

So in OP's case, her work colleague says she's in a lesbian relationship, but she's in a relationship with a man who claims that he's a woman and claims that he has a menstrual cycle. I would probably stick to being polite and professional with this colleague and leaving it at that.

DietCock · 23/01/2023 21:12

Berthatydfil · 23/01/2023 21:11

Why bother with the dressing gown of doom when once a month you can appropriate your partners genuine pain and discomfort and try to gaslight them that you have it worse.

🤣

VerveClique · 23/01/2023 21:17

I am very fortunate never to have had period pain or horrendous bleeding. I just get a bit cranky.

I mustn’t be womaning properly.

How you stop yourself exclaiming ‘bullshit!!!’ In this situation I do not know.

Original poster
Borris · 23/01/2023 21:19

I didn't say bullshit as I didn't know the specifics. I thought maybe they take a daily pill and the composition varies in a cycle each day. But I guess it would be odd to choose to have PMT symptoms when you don't need to.

OP posts:
howmanybicycles · 23/01/2023 21:20

I'd actually be a bit worried for her. I wonder whether this is a healthy relationship if her partner is pretending (even if the partner does not know this consciously) to have similar needs when the partner lacks the anatomy for that to be the case. It sounds dismissive of your work colleague. But no, TW can't get cycles and even if endocrinologists are creating some sort of changing doses, it is not the same as menstrual cycles. A person who can't respect that is someone I'd not want to have much to do with.

Swipe left for the next trending thread