Question about trans women cycles

[Borris]

I have a genuine question

I have a new ish work colleague who I get on well with and enjoy her company. She's a lesbian. Except that her girlfriend is a trans women. That's fine. I'm happy to refer to her by her chosen name and pronouns.

But what confused me is my friend saying more than once that their cycles had synched up and so they had one week a month when they were both super emotional.

Can this be a thing? Do trans women take different hormones at different times of the month? Genuine question, not being goady

Obviously only asking out of sheer nosiness. The first time she mentioned their cycles I didn't know that the partner was a trans woman and so now feel it's too late to ask!

I have no children and so am unable to answer your question from an actual real life perspective.

But I would think if I did have children my son would, by the time he decided he was a transwoman, if I'd have done my job as a parent well enough, understand no matter how much he wished it was the case he could never actually be a woman.

I'd support my hypothetical son as my child, the child of mine they had always been. I'd still refer to them by the nickname I'd no doubt have given them at some point. I'd also respect his desire to go by a more female name if he wished. I'd support him to live his best life.

I'd hope he wouldn't feel so bad about his existing and only body that he felt the need to cut bits off, add bits and take medication not designed for him that could cause who knows what untold issues in the future.

If he did decide that was what he wanted to do then I'd still love him, I would still support him. I'd sit by his bedside waiting for him to come round, after mutilating his wonderful body that had nothing wrong with it.

But no I wouldn't use she. And i wouldn't have a daughter. I'd use their name, or they when talking about them, and refer to my child rather than my son or my daughter. I'd use their new chosen name, family nicknames etc when talking to them.

And the reason? whilst anyone is entitled to believe anything they want, I'm entitled to believe there are only two sexes, you can't change and my hypothetical male child will always be my male child and I would never allow my own child to believe such a terrible lie as the one which would have him believe he could be a woman.

Sometimes communication requires clarity.

Good communication requires clarity.

Yep.

I always found the pregnancy-book approach (‘she’ for mother ‘he’ for baby, regardless of actual sex of baby, if already known at that stage of gestation) to be mildly annoying, but the practicality of clear comms definitely outweighs the mild annoyance at ‘default male’ (in that very specific scenario)!

A person who does not (and indeed cannot) menstruate pretending to experience its effects in order to get attention from a partner with dysmenorrhea is one of the most cruel and cynical from of gaslighting abuse I have ever heard of. It would be bad if it was coming from a post-menopausal female who would at least know that they were mocking, but from someone born male it is monstrous.

I agree with this but I absolutely wouldn't be engaging in any conversation with the female colleague about their male partner because to do so would make me feel I was participating in the male's misogynist fetish

What did the subjects to be avoided in polite conversation used to be? Politics, religion and sex? Now it's politics, religion and gender

This. I’ve lived with quite a few women, including my mother. No synching . I’ve talked about it to SIL with 3 daughters - no synching other than overlap cos there 4 of them

but more importantly scientific research shows this is not a thing. There is a one in four chance, if you work on a period being 7 days on a 28 day cycle, that you cycle will correlate at least somewhat to another women you live with. That’s the law of probability and it’s pretty high . There is a difference between correlation and cause

so Op, maybe look up on internet for the research, print it out, and leave on colleagues desk with a note to say “innocently” , maybe this might help you to get to bottom of why you both have this awful week once per month 🤷🏼‍♀️😉

I take your point ClaphamSouth, and am not sure how much good there would be in saying anything, since the victim is probably in live with the abuser and until that fog clears may will not be able to understand what is going on. But telling her that she's giving TMI and shouldn't overshare would be a start.

Pointing she is being gaslighted and that her relationship is not a lesbian one might be a bridge too far.

in love, not in live

in love is the irrational one, fortunately it wears off

As someone who suffers from debilitating periods, this sort of thing would mean I couldn't be friends with your colleague unless they could see sense.

It's bad enough when other women scoff at things like how could a period possibly mean a sick day off but when a man is pretending they have a period to deal with it's even more shocking.

The only thing perhaps in your colleagues favour is my mood swings are probably also representative of my dh moods at that time of the month. But rather then be synced, it's more a case of my mood goes downhill at that time of the month and my dh mood goes downhill trying to sanely live with me thereafter!!

Should have also said the myth about women’s periods synching is also explained by pure statistics even when their cycles are way different- this article in BBC explains it well
www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-37256161

Yes.
100% Yes.

You see I don't think that I could help myself in this scenario. I would have to asks loads of questions in a quizzical way with lots of 'really, but how.....' to the point that they would make themselves sound even more stupid than they started off sounding!

I agree with you in almost all circumstances but there are some complicated dynamics that can make straight-talking to trans identifying adolescents/young adults counter productive!

People do seem to be talking as though any trans woman talking about hormonal effects is trying to 'one-up' other women. I'm not a medic, I don't know what all the causes are of potential symptoms and haven't seen any impartial sources about them (though have seen comments/explanations from both sides), but it does seem like people spend a lot of time claiming 'If trans women really were women they'd talk about this or they'd do that'. And when trans women do 'talk about this or do that', then they go 'Eeuh, not like that

This is what I was going to say

there are some men/transwomen that will always be in the “what about me” category . Hence the recent prevalence of “we are pregnant”, “we gave birth”, “post natel depression “ in new dads (not saying new dads don’t get depression, probably some get ptsd after traumatic births too- but it ain’t related to pregnancy hormones which is definition of PND )
It’s a load of, quite literally, bollocks.

@Itismeghan I would refer to my own children as the sex observed at birth, no way would my son be 'she'.

I've also decided that if my children bring any friends home that are trans and start telling me what pronouns to use then I will be telling them that I am trans too, on my 'male' days I do diy and put the bins out. If they question I'm going to say I'm like Pios Bunce and havent they heard of them.

Sick of this ridiculousness.

Yes this is bollocks but appears to be quite a prevalent delusion. My neighbour goes on and on about her periods and how she can't wait to go through the menopause so she stops getting PMT. She's recently started mentioning hot flushes and how she can't wait to not be worried about an unwanted pregnancy.

She is very obviously a fully intact man (the clingy clothes around the crotch area and full beard make this extremely clear). It's insane.

I don't think I've ever seen anyone say that they wondered why transwomen don't talk about their ovulation cycle or periods.

Me, too.

I don't know what circles you frequent but I've never seen that on the FWR board on MN nor has it ever been an issue IRL.

Er, no
there are way too many transwomen on social media making way too much noise about their “periods”, period pain, hormones. And what they say can be, in some case, very weird and definitely a sexual kick. It’s always rather strange boasting, and a lot of affirmation about how womanly or (idk) girly it makes them feel . At worst what they say about what they do should be made a criminal offence- tell me the last time a women (female human) explained about how they go through sanitary bins and stick used sanitary pads in their pants.

proportionally far less women go onto social media claiming they’re “all women” becuase they’ve got their period, stomach cramps etc. women talk about that in terms of the issues, complication and sheer frigging pain or even disability it causes them. E.g. in medical terms.

just like women (human females) don’t tend to go around saying “I’m more of a woman than so and so”

it is just affirmation at best, and at worst it is forcing others to enter into their sexual fantasy without consent.

Men don’t have periods or period symptoms, I really couldn’t sit and listen to someone telling me about the cycle of someone born male. They’re both deluded and I wouldn’t take part in validating that.

As for if my children were trans, they wouldn’t be. They understand biology and reality. Children aren’t trans, you can’t change reality because of something that socially constructed. We need to stop gendering clothes, toys, activities and behaviours and help those who don’t feel comfortable with their body.

Oh - and transwomen are not women. They are men.

A trans woman is by definition a man, so ‘he’ is grammatically correct.

“I’d rather be rude than a fucking liar”

It’s a load of, quite literally, bollocks

Come on now, it 2023!
You can’t reduce people to genitals like that

You need to use people-first or active language now!

May I suggest

People-with-Bollocks
Owners-of-Scrotums
Testicle-having-Humans
Sac-Carriers

?

🤓