Women's rights general conversations

[Kucingsparkles]

This is an experimental thread, all input much appreciated!

There is so much excellent information and so many active discussions on FWR that I wondered if it would be useful to have a thread to sort of "cross-fertilise" between them - airing little thoughts or vignettes that wouldn't themselves merit their own thread, to highlight other posts/threads of particular interest or to point to notable developments on fast-moving threads so that casual observers know where to look.

(For example, "the X thread has meandered onto a fascinating discussion of Y" or "Poster P's amazing analysis on thread Z might have relevance to the scenario in thread W" or even "Random bloke asked me to smile while I was choosing onions, grr"- that sort of thing).

Right, bring on the flames or flowers! <cowers>

Yeah, it's often used affectionately on MN.

maybe substitute another word, I dunno, cockwombles maybe?

I don’t like the word either, in any context

Shit And For Coroners

Heh!

Ironically though, one of the few which Still Allows Feminist Comments (albeit among the usual Stupid As Fuck Comments).

The report on this thread fits in distressingly well with our discussions earlier on this thread.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/4694608-sexual-choking-is-now-so-common-that-many-young-people-dont-think-it-even-requires-consent-thats-a-problem

Isn't the acceptance of this all part of the influence of porn on their sex lives? It's been known for years that sometimes hanging yourself ( if a man) will give you an erection. I can't think the same goes for women. Anal sex wasn't even a thing when I was young, and if someone tried to strangle me, I'd knee them in the balls and leave them. Trouble is peer pressure is a thing.

Also, has anyone listened to Please Protect Abraham on BBC sounds? Remember that young woman who was gang raped for hours in 2007? The young boy who escorted her out of there, and gave witness was later murdered. I am sure violent porn sewed the seeds in the minds of the gang rapists.

Isn't the acceptance of this all part of the influence of porn on their sex lives?

I would imagine so. But, along with all my numerous Wrong Side of History faults, I am also against porn. So you might say I'm a tad biased.

What can be done about it though? I don’t know any men who don’t watch it. Just another thing on the long list of things that put me off being in a relationship. It’s not even just porn now, it’s webcams and OnlyFans and god knows what else. No thanks.

Pretty sure My Nigel doesn't.

There was an article in the Guardian a couple of months ago about how women and girls are being injured by anal sex, we're just not 'designed' for it. It prompted a thread on here. I'm sure there was probably at least one 'cool girl' who wouldn't have seen a problem with it. I'll try and find the original article, please pray for my search history.

@IcakethereforeIam I remember that thread, and I remember all the cool girls.

Really recommend this interview with Louise Perry where this is discussed (if not already listened)
podcasts.apple.com/mu/podcast/louise-perry-thinks-sexual-liberation-didnt-liberate/id603245791?i=1000585549689

@DameMaud listening now, really interesting. Thank you

Also against porn. It was never an issue in relationships. I recollect being in a chat at the old place many years ago, with a woman who roundly told me off and that there was no harm at all in it. Her father did, and fella. Then again, this woman was/is RSOH.

How do you find a man who doesn’t watch it? Haven’t managed this so far. Most said they didn’t when they actually did.

Found it, worse than I remembered. Never heard of BASHH and not heard a peep about this outside of the MN thread.

www.theguardian.com/society/2022/aug/11/rise-in-popularity-of-anal-sex-has-led-to-health-problems-for-women

Same here, I say it's a deal breaker they hide it.

I'm single and have been for a while now by choice. The properly good ones are really hard to find and I just can't be bothered figuring it out any more. Porn usage being pretty much the standard is one of the reasons.

I think they just don't see it as harmful or problematic, even the ones that are prepared to agree there are issues with porn usually fall back on the ethical porn argument or say that only some types of porn are harmful.

I've yet to meet one who has been eager to explain how they source their ethical porn or who has been able to show me an example of truly ethical porn.

I don't actually think that ethical porn is even possible.

I've heard a lot about how apparently some women enjoy being in porn. From men.

When I say show, I mean hold up as an example, not as in to watch. Urgh sorry.

I've heard a lot about how apparently some women enjoy being in porn. From men.

Yes. And also about how a woman directed it so therefore it’s fine I can’t be bothered figuring it out anymore either.

Re porn. It's been having a negative impact on us for decades with, I think, the advent of video porn being the beginning of it becoming something that was overconsumed. I saw a lot of porn when I was younger and in the seventies European stuff there was always full muff, often gloriously hairy armpits. N.b. I wasn't watching porn in the seventies but in the earlyish eighties, a lot of video stuff was film to video stuff from the seventies. Then it became more and more stuff from the San Fernando Valley, the porn capital of the US and the world. Seventies stuff was still full muff but the muff began to get balder and very quickly it started to go baldy among American women then we imported the baldness because, apparently, it was more healthy. Yeah, right.

The loss of the glorious muff was down to it making it better for close-up shots in porn but I think that it also became something more than that. It was about looking "youthful", barely legal. It is bloody disturbing and not even a little bit healthier in fact I wouldn't be surprised if it puts the vagina at risk of infection because the pubic hairs on and around the vulva are protective.

Personally, I think there is something utterly beautiful about a luxuriant bush. I've never had a luxuriant one and have envied those who have. I've had to be shaved and shave myself totally bald twice. First when I was fourteen and a nurse did it in preparation for an appendectomy. Pretty sure they wouldn't do that these days, but it was odd and growing back was not nice. Second, I shaved it myself because a boyfriend had given me crabs and shaving it all off was the quickest way to free myself of them. Oh. My. God. The itching. The need to spend all day just scratching and not being able to spend all day scratching. Never again. Shave all the hair on my head off (I did a brave the shave and it was grand to find out my head wasn't oddly shaped) but leave my not particularly luxuriant muff alone!

I don't watch porn anymore and find it problematic at the very least because it is exploitative. Of course, men who love it will tell you that women earn more than men, so it's like, wow, the women are in charge. Er, no they're not. Porn has also got more violent and extreme. What we watched back in the day was "Oh hello I've come to fix your boiler but let's have sex!" "Yes, please, I want all of the sex!" I'm not saying it wasn't flawed but it was "normal" apart from the fact that when someone's coming to fix an appliance you don't generally offer to have all of the sex with them. These days it's anal, double, anal, a cock in every hole and a cock in each hand, attempts at gang bang world records, chocking, spitting on women, hurting them while they "enjoy it", utter humiliation.

I remember watching a documentary years ago about a young woman who was from, I can't remember, I think Singapore, living in the states and she got into porn because she wanted to be "liberated". She ended up doing a how many men can she take on after the other. It was over a hundred and she was clearly in pain and sore beyond belief. She went to visit her parents and couldn't/wouldn't understand why they were so hurt. Throughout the show it was obvious that she was seriously damaged and it was utterly depressing.

Thanks for the link to the podcast. I've downloaded it to listen to later. Also thanks for the link to the article about transphobic anthropologists and archaeologists. That was quite barking.

Ha! Yes this too!

I am not sure whether it's willful blindness or what.

The problems and issues around porn are talked about out there in the world, on TV, among individuals. There are studies out there showing porn is harmful to both sexes.

Even if they can't be arsed to care about women, you'd think they'd care about themselves. We read it here on MN the real life problems it causes for the men themselves like ED, problems ejaculating, spirals of depression and retreat from real life and emotional connection to their partners and so on.

I've come to the conclusion that the all important right (Ha!) to ejaculate trumps all.

I read that there is a thing among men who like rectal prolapse, and have a cute name for it. Ah, just googled it-rosebudding:

jezebel.com/heres-the-dangerous-and-grotesque-anal-sex-trend-you-ve-1593038946