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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Pronouns at nursery

138 replies

PronounsBaby · 21/10/2022 13:22

I'll start by saying I don't really have a problem with people stating their pronouns if they feel it necessary and is important to them (although I will do an internal eye roll and move on).

I personally don't like stating them as I don't think it should matter (if you are referring to me when I'm not there I think I'd prefer to be referred to by name). Ultimately I won't be putting them on my emails at work as I don't want to feel like I have to state " this is a woman talking! "

Anyway, my 8 mo is just about to start nursery. They have a board of staff members pictures and names along with pronouns. All sexed based except one male looking they/them. Fine.

They have given me a form to fill in about home life and have asked on there, what the family pronouns are and I'm not sure really what to put.

I guess 'they' as there are multiple members of the family but I know this isn't what they mean.

Maybe 'N/A' or 'none'? Maybe put 'none (sex based)'? Leave blank?

I don't want to start off on the wrong foot here but equally I don't really want to play along with the nonsense...

Has anyone navigated this?
I know it's not a big deal in the long run but I'm going to be leaving my PFB with them and don't want to worry about her/us being treated differently? Probably over thinking it...

OP posts:
Howeverdoyouneedme · 21/10/2022 13:24

I would just leave it blank and not mention it.

Anotherbloodyusername2 · 21/10/2022 13:28

Just leave it blank

thelionthewitchtheaudacityofTHISbitch · 21/10/2022 13:33

The more people who record on documents that they dont agree with that nonsense the better. So I would record on the form that the family dont use pronouns because of x reason (there are several valid reasons - the one I prefer to quote is that the use disadvantages women). I would then separately take it up with the nursery manager.

Onehappymam · 21/10/2022 13:35

What a load of bollocks!

Are they honestly going to accommodate the whim of every single kid and every member of each individual family?

Avidreader69 · 21/10/2022 13:35

I would leave it blank and let the nursery know you won't be joining in with the woke nonsense.

JamSandle · 21/10/2022 13:37

thelionthewitchtheaudacityofTHISbitch · 21/10/2022 13:33

The more people who record on documents that they dont agree with that nonsense the better. So I would record on the form that the family dont use pronouns because of x reason (there are several valid reasons - the one I prefer to quote is that the use disadvantages women). I would then separately take it up with the nursery manager.

This

Hadalifeonce · 21/10/2022 13:38

How about 1st, 2nd or 3rd person singular or plural depending on who we are speaking to or about at the time?

RoseslnTheHospital · 21/10/2022 13:40

"Family pronouns"... that's a new one. I would either leave it blank or write N/A there. Then I would separately take it up with the nursery management as to why they were asking for irrelevant information on their forms and what purpose they had for asking and recording that information, under GDPR.

ScaryFaces · 21/10/2022 13:40

Putting "none" is just weird. Just because your pronouns are sex-based doesn't mean you have none. Putting "none" just makes it sound like you don't understand what pronouns are (a perfectly normal grammatical part of speech which everyone is sometimes referred to by) or you imagine people refer to you in the third person with an empty puff of air.

Brefugee · 21/10/2022 13:41

leave it blank or say "why, we use sex-based pronouns" or something?

Littlebluedinosaur · 21/10/2022 13:44

You know this is all because of that one ‘they’. Is this your only choice for nursery?

Soontobe60 · 21/10/2022 13:45

I would expect nursery staff to refer to me as ‘baby Soontobe’s mum’ if I wasn’t there!
E.g. -
key worker “ Baby Soontobe is poorly, she needs some Calpol. I will phone her mum up to confirm this”
Nursery manager “OK, but make sure Baby Soontobe’s mum signs to record book when she comes to pick her up.”

Beamur · 21/10/2022 13:45

I'd leave it blank.
They're unlikely to press you on it. Should they ask, I'd simply say you don't declare your preferred pronouns. It's private information and they don't need it.

SirCharlesRainier · 21/10/2022 13:46

ScaryFaces · 21/10/2022 13:40

Putting "none" is just weird. Just because your pronouns are sex-based doesn't mean you have none. Putting "none" just makes it sound like you don't understand what pronouns are (a perfectly normal grammatical part of speech which everyone is sometimes referred to by) or you imagine people refer to you in the third person with an empty puff of air.

No-one "has" pronouns, so writing "none" is perfectly reasonable.

Beamur · 21/10/2022 13:46

Or I would ask why they are asking and what they intend to do with that information. GDPR requires businesses must have a reason for collecting personal data.

AlisonDonut · 21/10/2022 13:47

'Our pronouns are yours, use them wisely'.

Fucking nursery kids. You know they are going to indoctrinate your kids, right?

Original poster
PronounsBaby · 21/10/2022 13:51

They ask because they try to provide a home from home feeling and ask about siblings and pets and other important people, presumably so they can talk about them.

It is my only choice.

I don't think I want a discussion about it so not that keen to leave blank or have a meeting with the nursery manager...I don't think it is damaging so not worth causing a fuss.

I do suspect it is all for that one person...

OP posts:
Whereareyourshoes · 21/10/2022 13:53

I would be concerned about the nursery pushing sexist stereotypes about what it means to be a boy or a girl and I would seriously consider looking for an alternative nursery or childminder.

StickofVeg · 21/10/2022 13:54

I'd leave it blank.

Johnnysgirl · 21/10/2022 13:57

Littlebluedinosaur · 21/10/2022 13:44

You know this is all because of that one ‘they’. Is this your only choice for nursery?

This.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 21/10/2022 14:01

How about we/us?

Beamur · 21/10/2022 14:03

I'd still leave it blank. Or prefer not to say.
You're under no obligation to answer or explain your reasons.

MMAMPWGHAP · 21/10/2022 14:05

N/A?

DarkShade · 21/10/2022 14:06

This makes me think that the nursery doesn't understand about pronouns - family pronouns are not a thing in any community. Do they mean pronouns for individual family members?

Buffypaws · 21/10/2022 14:09

I’d just say I have no wish to tell them what to do and they should communicate as they see fit