Pronouns at nursery

[PronounsBaby]

I'll start by saying I don't really have a problem with people stating their pronouns if they feel it necessary and is important to them (although I will do an internal eye roll and move on).

I personally don't like stating them as I don't think it should matter (if you are referring to me when I'm not there I think I'd prefer to be referred to by name). Ultimately I won't be putting them on my emails at work as I don't want to feel like I have to state " this is a woman talking! "

Anyway, my 8 mo is just about to start nursery. They have a board of staff members pictures and names along with pronouns. All sexed based except one male looking they/them. Fine.

They have given me a form to fill in about home life and have asked on there, what the family pronouns are and I'm not sure really what to put.

I guess 'they' as there are multiple members of the family but I know this isn't what they mean.

Maybe 'N/A' or 'none'? Maybe put 'none (sex based)'? Leave blank?

I don't want to start off on the wrong foot here but equally I don't really want to play along with the nonsense...

Has anyone navigated this?
I know it's not a big deal in the long run but I'm going to be leaving my PFB with them and don't want to worry about her/us being treated differently? Probably over thinking it...

Lists like that are actually a very old viral joke on tumblr, its a random blogging site getting on for a 15 year old if not older. It's absolutely full of jokes and satire pages. Anyone can blog anything on tumblr - to test this theory I've literally just submitted a random word to the web based form that the blogger provided on your link, to submit a 'new' pronoun, and it's been accepted. That list does not provide a list of 'pronouns' beginning with C, it's a list of random words

I’d change nurseries. This shows that they might be more concerned with gender ideology than child safeguarding.

I'm told Hungarian, Finnish and Estonian all use the same language for men and women. Those aren't one of the three languages I use, so could be a load of rubbish

@Needanewnameagain yes I suspect you are correct in their intentions. It's to give a home from home experience and to refer to family members as the child would.

I don't have safeguarding concerns but do wonder how easily staff would be able to reject typical stereotyping if worried about pronouns. I guess it all comes down to not thinking about it too much, and it will be ok.... 🙄

But you've used she and her pronouns in your example. What if (shock horror) those weren't your preferred pronouns?!

Think how upsetting if would be to find out nursery had mis-pronouned you in your absence

What toddler uses other people’s pronouns anyway? And most nursery workers imitate this in my experience: ‘Look Daddy’s coming to pick you up. Can you see daddy? Daddy’s over there’ etc

As someone upthread said, many toddler’s favourite pronoun is ‘my’ (as in ‘my do it’) or they just use names.

The thing that strikes me about the family pronouns thing is that the families who do use different pronouns will be chomping at the bit to tell them all about this. They can just assume everyone else is using standard English and most of them may be a bit perplexed by the question.

There are also, as always, real inclusion issues in this crap. It makes things much harder for parents who speak little English or struggle with literacy to access early education and support their child. Using simple standard English and not muddying the waters with pronoun use (or similar linguistic gymnastics) is actually the most inclusive thing you can do.

Single female = she
Single male = he
Multiples of either sex = they.

I'd love to put this and then say if they need any other help on basic grammar then I'd have to question their ability to run a nursery.

I would. At least for the pets.

if the staff ever question you about it you can say ‘I’d never thought about personal pronouns until I was filling out your form and inspired by you I did some research, discovered that pronouns do not mean gender any more and I realised that chi/chis/chisself suits our chihuahua far more than she/her, thank you so much for introducing me to the concept’

The pronouns we use in our family are I, my, you, yours, they, them their, our, her, hers, him, his.

You could of course change it on a daily basis.

Actually this could be fun. Half my family come from a country where the language doesn’t have this. So I’m used to being called she, or sometimes he. Sometimes both in the same conversation.

Oh please do a bit of reading… none of these ‘being inclusive’ gestures are benign or neutral or actually inclusive. It’s very damaging - mostly to minors, girls and women.

UWhatNow · Yesterday 23:57

^ladycarlotta · 21/10/2022 15:11
I'd appreciate that they are trying to use the right language for every child's family. 99% of the time the pronouns are going to match up with how someone looks but it's really nice they are trying to be inclusive. Just answer it in the spirit it's asked^

Oh please do a bit of reading… none of these ‘being inclusive’ gestures are benign or neutral or actually inclusive. It’s very damaging - mostly to minors, girls and women.

Sadly, these days, there are already very young children in nurseries who have had trans gender identities given to them.

Even if it comes from the parents, what this nursery is doing is a very bad sign. If I were the OP I would not send my child here and I’d tell them why.

Yes write and tell them why - that is really going to make them think. A child = £££ and an empty space hits their pocket.

Leave it blank or say "standard"?

I don’t know. What else would they be doing in the nursery? They are supposed to nurture and look after small children, bit teach them about gender nonsense. I’d worry if my son played with dollies they’d be spouting rot.

People like that would have transed my sister no question. She only wore ‘boys’ clothes (apart from school skirt which was non negotiable), had short hair, played with action men and mecanno, used a boys name when we played… of course my parents weren’t attention seeking idiots and just bought her the things she wanted without needing to tell everyone how special she was.

lord alone knows what this would have done to her mind and body.

I think that the poster who said that pronouns ‘are not benign’ got it spot on.

I used to think it was all just benign, harmless, and I chose to respect the whole pronoun ‘thing’.

NOW I have my eyes wide open. It might be something that I might tolerate on some level at work or with adults (at times) BUT I now will NOT tolerate any of this around kids. It is a safeguarding issue and emotional issue - I think it breaks down truths for kids that are quite important.

So I see my post was deleted, I don’t know what part was triggering.

I’ve basically said this is a red flag for things to come, like teaching children there might be something wrong with their body if they are gender nonconforming. I believe in body positivity and that boys and girls can like, do and express themselves as they wish and not be told they “must be” wrong to like those things / must be the opposite sex and embark on a journey to change their body to match the sexist stereotypes held by adults.

and you should think carefully if this is where you want your child to spend the next years unto 4 or almost 5.

I’ve also said that I bet that the male who has they as pronouns is 1-2 years away from she pronouns… is something triggering there? Just my 2cents…

And I’ve also said that i have asked the nurseries I’ve taken my DC to, and it has been a few over the years as we changed flats, if they have any males working there. They all said no.

fact - every few years there are stories in the news of males at nurseries or as family/friends of child minders that abuse children. An unrelated fact, obviously, hope not triggering to anyone…

Yes for me this is saying that an ideology must be forced onto children at the nursery.

Which isn’t OK by me. I would chat with them about my concerns, and if the nursery seemed to get the safeguarding concerns for children (ie they are not to be told that people can ‘change sex’ and they are not to be taught gender ideology through having to be use pronouns dictated by an adult) - then I would tell them why and remove my child.