Pronouns at nursery

[PronounsBaby]

I'll start by saying I don't really have a problem with people stating their pronouns if they feel it necessary and is important to them (although I will do an internal eye roll and move on).

I personally don't like stating them as I don't think it should matter (if you are referring to me when I'm not there I think I'd prefer to be referred to by name). Ultimately I won't be putting them on my emails at work as I don't want to feel like I have to state " this is a woman talking! "

Anyway, my 8 mo is just about to start nursery. They have a board of staff members pictures and names along with pronouns. All sexed based except one male looking they/them. Fine.

They have given me a form to fill in about home life and have asked on there, what the family pronouns are and I'm not sure really what to put.

I guess 'they' as there are multiple members of the family but I know this isn't what they mean.

Maybe 'N/A' or 'none'? Maybe put 'none (sex based)'? Leave blank?

I don't want to start off on the wrong foot here but equally I don't really want to play along with the nonsense...

Has anyone navigated this?
I know it's not a big deal in the long run but I'm going to be leaving my PFB with them and don't want to worry about her/us being treated differently? Probably over thinking it...

I agree with the PP who suggested putting “standard English grammar” and then keeping a watchful eye out for any “blue for boys, pink for girls” type nonsense and nipping it in the bud.

Me too.

And I’d also be quite concerned about what sort of effect all this crap might have on very young children’s language development. They need to hear proper English grammar so they can learn it.

Fair enough if adults who have learned to speak English want to be all ridiculous or precious about ‘their pronouns’. But the actual developmental needs of the children in a nursery should be taking priority over any of that. It matters a great deal when you’re talking about small children who are just figuring out how language works. And anyone working in a nursery should understand this.

What do you mean by 'unsupervised'. I've worked in several nurseries and currently work in an SEN school. Some nurseries had enclosed baby change areas where yes, I or any of my colleagues would sometimes be alone changing a child.

In the school I'm in now, some of the children require personal care. We don't normally go in pairs to do it unless it's required (eg using hoists). These cannot be in 'public' areas as the individual has a right to privacy whilst still having support.

In both settings I have had male and female colleagues. Do you suggest that we should only change those of the same sex to us?

We are all DBS checked (I know this isn't fallible). It's rather a stretch to declare that someone who identifies as NB is sexually abusing young girls and that the nursery is complicit in this.

Queer theory in nurseries? Nonononono! What other boundaries do they want to queer?

I’d be quite concerned that they are all bonkers.

The best thing to do would be to collude with all the other parents to put together the most diverse and confusing list of pronouns. Then see if the nursery management can remember all the right pronouns for the right parents.

I don't want to start off on the wrong foot here but equally I don't really want to play along with the nonsense

Starting off on the wrong foot would be putting your you and your DC’s feet through that door.

I am gender critical. I don't believe in pronouns. My rights are protected by law.

@RRhubarbFairy that was what my DCs' nursery was like. Some changing areas with the door open, some less overlooked.

I would be concerned about gender stereotyping there too, especially at such a formative age. If you don’t have a choice of nursery, just leave it blank and if they raise it again, ask them why they need it as it is a difficult question, I bet they won’t come back to it after that. But look for an alternative nursery, moving your child is much less stressful than having them grow up thinking there is only one way to be a boy or girl. There is no way to explain non-binary without using the idea of a binary based on stereotypes. I wouldn’t want such a constrained environment for my little ones.

Do you happen to have this quote or it's source? I do fear that working in education I might need to use it sooner rather than later.

Yes so they'd be using 'she' as a pronoun.

Yes, in her absence...

They’re asking you to make a political statement re are you a ‘trans ally’ or evil gender critical feminist.

What you do with that is up to you. I’d probably be shopping for a less political nursery.

"We use the normal sex-based English pronouns. Why is this even a question?"

Or in whatever language in which you exist. All languages distinguish between women and men.

However I would ask that the "he/him" not be left alone with my child, if I had a small child.

I wouldn't send my DS there.

Just leave it blank.

OP has stated, no choice of nursery provision.

Some areas don't. It's alright to swop nurseries in an urban/suburban area and you have choice, But in some more rural or less populated areas, you really don't have much or any choice.

OP is correct to question this.

OP seems trapped with:

All sexed based except one male looking they/them.

Yes, and it's so easy to tell.

He is male, but seeking pronouns that hide and confuse that fact that he is male.

To hide this from parents of small children.

Will this man also seek to confuse small children, as well as their parents?

It has to be said. The word "grooming" comes to mind, even though this particular individual may seem pure as driven snow.

I would want to know if they are following sex based safeguarding procedures or if calling yourself ‘they’ magically removes the .

Yes, this.

I work in a nursery, and my feeling is that this question is in the paperwork to show inclusion /respect for family members' preference rather than implying some sort of gender-based agenda in their daily care of the children. Not that it is comparable, but similar to how with a 2-dad family in our setting, we correctly refer to one as "dad" and the other is "daddy" , just as the children do at home. Or if a grandparent is picking up a child, we use their preferred term be it granny/gran/nan/nana/nonnie/whatever

If the man that identifies as "they" wishes to do so in his own time, then crack on and good luck to him.

But when working with small children in a nursery - then no, he does not get to push and entrench his own political views. Whatever they may be.

But why would you or anyone, in a childcare or education setting, seek to deny or fudge sex-based reality?

Seems a bit harsh are we really saying that from a 'male looking' picture with pronouns they/them, we can extrapolate the nursery worker is deliberately attempting to hide their sex, apparently for the purposes of grooming?

Oh, well said! 😄

It's a bit of a leap to jump to the conclusion that because someone may respect another person's choice of pronoun, or make an effort to refer to someone in the same way the child does, that it means they are denying/fudging anything.