Celebrity surrogacy - find this a bit heartbreaking

[Nowyouwillfeel]

Irish ‘celebrity’ couple with a new baby via surrogacy. The surrogate was one of the couples sister. They have put up pictures and stories all delighted and excited but I just see raw emotion on the mothers face in the second picture and in their stories the baby is clearly rooting for her mothers breast. I have a two month old who always does this and honestly it’s breaking my heart seeing the baby search like that while the dad doesn’t even notice and that she isn’t with her mother. They took the baby home before the mother was discharged and she is nowhere to be seen.

seems so unfair on both baby and the mother who doesn’t have any children of her own.

instagram.com/bprdowling?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

@Ella28_ why are you ‘carrying’ a baby for 9 months if all it takes to ‘create’ a baby is mixing sperm and an egg? You know creating a baby takes place over 9 months and that the baby is created by the mother. Do you believe women who use donor eggs aren’t mothers but are just carriers?

Midwives screen for risk of DV, subtly if they have to, usually when women are on their own,
Oh Ok missed that bit, didn't apply to me then.
Funny that,women all having different experiences and thoughts of their own to boot.....

It’s been around longer than that. You were probably screened without realising. Midwives are trained to look for red flags.

Exactly

I'm saying that you have no idea of the checks and balances that take place in fertility treatment- any fertility treatment @ToGanymedeAndTitan
You just seem a bit ignorant of what's involved.

@Ella28_ - if your eggs were crap, would you use donor eggs to conceive? If yes, would you consider a baby that you'd carried for 9 months and given birth to your baby? Or the baby of the woman who donated her egg?

No they don’t screen women who are having a baby on their own, they try and get the woman alone from their partner to screen them. It’s standard practice.

But who checks to see if the surrogacy arrangement they’re dealing with is coercive or not?

That second picture is genuinely upsetting.

What barbarism.

Just out of curiosity and to all those saying surgery should be illegal, what do you think of my situation?

I have a host of fertility issues. You name it, I have it. If one the every tiny chance, I have of every getting pregnant, I am a very high risk pregnancy with a risk of death to both me and any child I would carry. For that reason, I have ruled out IVF etc.

If I choose to have a child surrogacy is probably my own viable option. Adopted, other than within family, is very limited in Ireland. It really isn't that easy.

There are thousands of children born into abusive and horrific situations. Surely, parent who want a child and will love and care omfir that child is the most important thing.

I don't think it's necessarily fair to judge Brian & his partner. Or Aoife who has been extremely selfless in helping them have a much wanted child. It's on social media but it's not uncommon for new parents to share their news. It was a voluntary surrogacy, I am shocked by the judgments here

There are thousands of children born into abusive and horrific situations. Surely, parent who want a child and will love and care omfir that child is the most important thing.

I don't think it's necessarily fair to judge Brian & his partner. Or Aoife who has been extremely selfless in helping them have a much wanted child. It's on social media but it's not uncommon for new parents to share their news. It was a voluntary surrogacy, I am shocked by the judgments here

Exactly, situations aren't always cut and dried x

Argh just realised unmumsnetty x on the end of that 🤣

@ThirtyThreeTrees all I see in your message is ‘I’
mm
Ihave a host of fertility issues. You name it, I have it. If one the every tiny chance, I have of every getting pregnant, I am a very high risk pregnancy with a risk of death to both me and any child I would carry. For that reason, I have ruled out IVF etc

What about the baby? Do you not care about taking the baby away from all its ever known? Do you not care about attachment issues? Why is your want to have a child more important than what’s best for a baby? Is it ok because it’s not as bad as someone abusing their child? Is that the correct benchmark?

Surrogacy should be illegal.

Just out of curiosity and to all those saying surgery should be illegal, what do you think of my situation?

Fertility issues or not, a human should be for sale. A baby should never ever separated from its mother without very, very good reason.

Surrogacy is vile. Turning people into goods makes me feel sick.

what do you think of my situation?

I think you should campaign to change this:

Adopted, other than within family, is very limited in Ireland. It really isn't that easy

rather than deliberately create a scenario where you will remove a child from its mother.

I don't think it's necessarily fair to judge Brian & his partner

I think it’s perfectly fair to judge male entitlement.

Did I say it doesn't take 9 months? 😂 You've contradicted yourself there by saying "the baby is created by the mother" and then proceeding to ask me if I believe a mother by an egg donor is a mother or not. In my opinion, people can have babies by a multitude of means - egg/sperm donation, surrogacy, adoption, etc - and that's absolutely fine. In this instance, I believe that aoife willing agreed to carry this baby for her brother and his husband and who are we to judge. We're not going to agree and that's absolutely fine.

@Ella28_ So who is this baby’s mother then? You haven’t answered.

@Ella28_ I haven’t contradicted myself at all. The mother makes the baby. It takes more than combining a sperm and egg to make a baby. Regardless of where the genetic material is from it takes a mother approximately 9 months to create a baby. No mother ‘just’ ‘carries’ the baby ‘that’s all’ as you have said. And no people can’t ‘have babies’ via adoption or surrogacy. It’s basic biology as is babies attachment to their mother.

Did you even bother to read her message properly? Your response makes no sense.

Child trafficking shouldn't be legal.
Regardless of the wants of adults.

Should not be*!

Legally, currently aoife is the mother but she will sign over guardianship to her brother and her husband making them the baby's legal parents. The biological mother is the egg donor. Your argument is around biological attachment between a baby and the woman that carries it rather than the legalities of surrogacy.

I have always felt uncomfortable about a lot of surrogacy, but probably less uncomfortable with family / close relationship type surrogacies. I am not sure why- probably felt less financial and more because they wanted to.

But I agree this does make me sad. And yes I am projecting. I had my son less than 5 months ago, my first child, via c section. It feels similar. It’s a lot. No one can prepare you.

My body is ruined as I am sure many other mums are too. Nothing went wrong - textbook by all accounts but as you all know it’s never the same again. My insides reorganised and pulled apart and sown back together again. It doesn’t feel normal still - or like me anyway. I probably have internal adhesions like most. Atleast I can hug my son if I feel sad about it and it all melts away. I really hope she recovers perfectly.

I also had no idea how strong our bond would be. My partners amazing but there is something so powerful about the dyad. And it is the dyad as he’s here 24/7 and works very infrequently. We primary care equally. But there’s that 2 second pause when he’s passed to me crying. He just breathes and you can see the tension release for a second, I was his home. I am still.

And baby blues are real. That day the milk comes in is crazy. It made me realise how much our bodies and our minds are connected. I really hope she has excellent mental health support and it all goes ok.

I also hope that if she wants a child she one day has the opportunity to have another she can keep.

I don't think it's necessarily fair to judge Brian & his partner

I think it’s perfectly fair to judge male entitlement.

So where does that leave gay couples having a family then?
They can't.
Because "entitled males."
So gays not allowed babies then.
What about lesbian's?
You OK with them?
One of them will biologically never be a mum so shouldn't call themselves one going by your viewpoint, but can they still have babies?
Bit hypocritical if it turns out you're fine with two mum's, no dad in the picture, but erk nope at two dad's but no mum in the picture

I'm sorry if you're infertile @ThirtyThreeTrees. I know the pain is excruciating.

Buying a baby from another woman should not be the answer though.

I wonder how many unwanted children are still lingering in Ukraine as their intended parents were unable to pick up their orders. Im sure they won't want them now.

This