Celebrity surrogacy - find this a bit heartbreaking

[Nowyouwillfeel]

Irish ‘celebrity’ couple with a new baby via surrogacy. The surrogate was one of the couples sister. They have put up pictures and stories all delighted and excited but I just see raw emotion on the mothers face in the second picture and in their stories the baby is clearly rooting for her mothers breast. I have a two month old who always does this and honestly it’s breaking my heart seeing the baby search like that while the dad doesn’t even notice and that she isn’t with her mother. They took the baby home before the mother was discharged and she is nowhere to be seen.

seems so unfair on both baby and the mother who doesn’t have any children of her own.

instagram.com/bprdowling?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

@Ella28_ so what you are saying is that a lab mixed sperm and a donor egg and then a fully formed baby just appeared and they popped it into the surrogate to carry around for 9 months! Do you even hear yourself!!! Do yourself a favour and google a blastocyst as that’s what was placed into the womb of the surrogate. Her body created a baby from that blastocyst over 9 months.

Yes, I'm currently pregnant. I couldn't be a surrogate. I wouldn't be able to deal with that separation after birth. It would devastate me. But some people may be able to deal with that and why should we judge them?

I can't tell if this post is a joke or not. They used a donor egg and sperm from one of the couple and implanted it in to the surrogate. It's a very common procedure. Google it.

Yes. You are carrying a baby.

Are you giving that child away after you have delivered it?

@Helleofabore 😂 ridiculous response. Refer to my previous replies.

@Ella28_ are you currently creating a baby? And if you are what different process to you did Aoife go through that means she only ‘carried’ her baby. Or are you just using different language to minimise her role?

Come back to this thread once your bang is here and you see how it is it you they need most even if your husband is incredible. You will see how naïve and ignorant you are being right now.

I do have gay friends who have told me they would love to be parents. We have talked about how life is unfair. That is what I have said to them.

“That’s all”. Wow. I mean, I do think this issue is more grey than many posters make out - but you included. She did create the baby, using the raw DNA given to her by (presumably?) an egg donor and the couple but nurturing and literally keeping it alive, helping it to grow using her blood and her body. Even if “all” she did was “carry”, you - currently pregnant - should know that itself is a huge huge deal, emotionally and physically.

Why do you think an infant should be separated from the mother it has spent so much time listening to ?

Do you think a child is seeking only food and cuddles?

How very cruel to think that is the sum total of their existence.

This picture gave me a big ick (hands of the one I assume is not the brother around her neck), and the vid with (I think) same man with hands on her belly saying how tight it feels 'like a balloon' and she is saying she finds him you kind her uncomfortable.

Gross.

I don’t think I am the one posting ridiculous responses.

@Ella28_
You’re completely dismissing the experience of the baby in the womb. Babies can hear throughout the 3rd trimester and they recognize their mother’s voice at birth and prefer it to all other noises(as in the mother who carried them). They also recognize her smell at birth.
Although a surrogate mother is generally not also the genetic mother of the child she carries, her body will supply the material to build every new cell that grows post-IVF transfer. Her DNA will also influence the baby’s genes through epigenetics.
I predict your feelings on the importance of surrogate mothers’ contributions to the children they carry will change once you have had your baby and experienced an entire pregnancy, birth and postpartum period.

This one

@PiratePetespajamas that might have come across wrong. I'm not trying to make light of what the surrogate did at all. I think it's a huge sacrifice and one that I couldn't make. I may have sounded flippant then but people are coming at me from all angles here 😂 I completely understand peoples points but saying it should be illegal is akin to saying gay marriage should be illegal in my opinion. It's archaic and taking us back several decades. As long as a baby is loved, fed and cared for, why are we arguing?

Please please re-read what you said there.

Why should 2 men,(that are incapable of birthing a child) take a child from the only mother it has know?

@Ella28_ Who is this baby’s mother then?

@Namechangedincaseshesonhere what about adoption? Same thing in that the baby is taken away. Do you agree with that?

Tell the baby it has no biological link to the woman it’s been growing inside for 9 months.

It’s fucking gross. Our bodies are not for rent. By anyone. For any reason. And don’t tell me she chose to - as if she wouldn’t have felt under huge pressure to give her gay brother a baby.

That’s the woman, who got pregnant, who chose to go for adoption instead of abortion. Making her own damn choice and not being coerced in anyway, whether emotionally or financially or anything else.

As long as a baby is loved, fed and cared for, why are we arguing?

Because even in the most agreeable of arrangements, you’re still advocating for the deliberate inducement of trauma in an infant by separating it from its mother for life. In other circumstances, child protection for instance, a judge has to have the final say to remove a baby from its mother because the recognised significance of doing so. So why in surrogacy is the baby just simply removed?

your previous replies were all about what YOU could deal with. What about the baby you are carrying? if you could give it away at birth - yes I heard you when you said you couldn't - BUT if you could - does that mean there are no consequences for that baby. Just la la la off I go to someone, happy baby?

Get real and start thinking about the surrogacy babies given away after birth with as much concern as you think of your own baby - who will be nestled with his mother from the moment of birth. And yet you think this is no big deal. Seriously?

Do you think that a baby makes all its own resources? Rather than the woman’s body building that baby? Do you think the baby doesn’t know it’s mother’s voice and heartbeat?

Don’t you know that every single pregnancy involves the foetus leaving cells in the female’s body and the female’s body building that baby?

Sorry. There is no ‘just carrying the baby’.

Just because other people have contributed the sperm and egg, that woman contributed all else that is needed.

but saying it should be illegal is akin to saying gay marriage should be illegal in my opinion

Don't be so bloody ridiculous. Two men getting married is not the same as two people who can't carry a baby, using a woman to make them one.

It isn't just about gay men. All surrogacy should be illegal. You are incredibly naive if you think all the women used as surrogates are just someone's nice willing relative.

That’s not true. Your baby knows the sound of your voice, knows your smell, listens to your heartbeat, even inside the womb.

I’m really not trying to be nasty here, but could you imagine giving your baby up at birth, the baby that is growing inside you right now?

Again, I’m sorry if I’m coming across as rude or mean, but if you wouldn’t do it, why should anyone else?

Adoption is totally different.

No woman in the UK gives birth with the intention of giving her baby up for adoption. It just doesn’t happen (I work in children’s services). Babies and children who are adopted have been removed from birth parents who were not able to parent them effectively or safely. Those children already exist and desperately need permanent families and if parents come forward - singletons, couples, straight, gay - that is a wonderful thing.

Surrogacy is not this. It is creating a baby to order. It is prioritising the wishes of adults over a baby who has no choice. It is viewing a woman as a womb for rent, whether or not she is willing. Ella, I suggest strongly that you read up on attachment before making your sweeping statements. The fact is that any baby separated from its mother at birth experiences that as a trauma and it has ramifications. Sometimes we can’t avoid that separation, when tragically a mother dies or when a baby has to be removed for its own protection. But knowingly creating that trauma just so adults can have the cute newborn they’ve ordered is morally wrong. Nobody has an automatic right to be a parent.