Celebrity surrogacy - find this a bit heartbreaking

[Nowyouwillfeel]

Irish ‘celebrity’ couple with a new baby via surrogacy. The surrogate was one of the couples sister. They have put up pictures and stories all delighted and excited but I just see raw emotion on the mothers face in the second picture and in their stories the baby is clearly rooting for her mothers breast. I have a two month old who always does this and honestly it’s breaking my heart seeing the baby search like that while the dad doesn’t even notice and that she isn’t with her mother. They took the baby home before the mother was discharged and she is nowhere to be seen.

seems so unfair on both baby and the mother who doesn’t have any children of her own.

instagram.com/bprdowling?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

I just see raw emotion on the mothers face in the second picture and in their stories the baby is clearly rooting for her mothers breast. I have a two month old who always does this and honestly it’s breaking my heart seeing the baby search like that
You're projecting your emotions and experiences there though.
Don't get me wrong, I've given birth more than once myself. Could never have given them up.
Why do my experiences mean that that is the way for all women, everywhere though?
Some want to be surrogates, quite happily. I can see why they do it
They might not necessarily want babies of their own, or have had their own, love them so much but think fuck no more but want to give another couple the chance to be parents too
How is that a bad thing, if you're not being forced into it and you want to do it?
We either have control over our own minds and bodies or we don't.

@Pallisers I never said it was no big deal. It's a huge deal. One that presumably all parties understood and consented to. Babies have decisions made for them all the time and sometimes people may not agree. All I'm saying is, as long as the baby is loved and fed, why are we arguing? I hear what everyone is saying about being close to the woman that carried the baby for 9 months but that's not always feasible. Anyway, I seem to have opened a can of worms. We can agree to disagree and that's fine.

Yes, and as I pointed out, in all other circumstances, the removal of a baby from its mother at birth is deemed such a monumental decision on behalf of that baby that a judge does it. So why is surrogacy not subject to the same standards of decision making on behalf of that baby?

@Ella28_ wjy don’t you hand your newborn over to your husband and his parents and head off on a nice relaxing holiday to Spain? After all the baby will be loved and cared for and doesn’t need you specifically right?

your whole obsession with gay men getting babies is a bit odd tbh.

Completely different, the child up for adoption has already lost their mother and father. Of course this child should be given to someone (a man, or woman or couple) to care for.

But doing this deliberately is absolutely wrong in my opinion.

I've name changed for this

Went to school with him I'm in total shock

I'm so so so so so shocked

This is so sad

Is it worse because it's two men?

If it was rooting onto a female who used a surrogate

I'm so shocked I went to primary school with him

Haven't thought of him for at least 18 years when I will have last seen him

@ToGanymedeAndTitan what about the baby? They get no say in all this.

What obsession? 😂 It was an example I mentioned. I simply agree with people having the means to be parents via non traditional means if necessary.

All surrogacy should be illegal, no matter who the parents are, no matter what their sexual orientation is, no matter how willing the mother is. Like it is illegal in many countries.
No.
I disagree. What are you saying, that if you can't give birth naturally via a mother and a father loving each other and being able to create a baby through sex, then you shouldn't be allowed to be parents?

She IS the baby’s mother. Of course she is. If she’s not the baby’s mother, who is?
Yes, she technically is. Your viewpoint rules out all gay couples having babies though because "the babies mother just is and surrogacy should be illegal because, come off it two men can't make a baby. So where does that leave them?
You'd have them not being allowed to be parents.

No, not everyone deserves to be parents. Sometimes we can’t always get what we want.

What about the baby’s rights? Who considers those?

And what safeguards are in place to make sure a woman is not being coerced in any way? If someone wants to be a living kidney donor there are rigorous checks to make sure that person is doing so willingly. Who checks these surrogate women for the same?

Babies have decisions made for them all the time and sometimes people may not agree.

Yes but as a society shouldn't we have some basic minimum standards? Since babies have no voice at all. I was adopted back in the day. I was loved and fed. I still wanted to know who were my biological parents. (not least because this really really matters medically)

People who were born from mum and dad have SUCH simplistic views on this. People who dismiss a child's right to know their parents with "well as long as you were fed and loved" drives me crazy. SO dismissive.

I loved my mum and dad. I had a great life. I still deserved to know my lineage. So does this child. And we still need to consider - is this the right thing to do - just because we can do it

Surrogacy should be illegal like it is in most civilised countries.

I have no words for these men that wouldn't get deleted but I don't think anything good about them.

My heart is breaking for Aoife who has given away her first baby to her famous brother.

I'm so so so so so shocked

This is so sad

Why?

Is it worse because it's two men?
Oh, there we go

If you logically cannot understand the difference between a child already created and a home
having to be found - therefore making the best of a traumatic situation. And a scenario where an infant has been deliberately created to be removed from the only person it knows - you need to listen to adopted children and those children where children have been created deliberately for someone else’s needs.

In any case. Should a new born infant be treated as a commodity, despite biological connections when it is removed from the mother?

Should any child be exploited by being commoditised? To be ordered on demand, created to suit two adult’s needs for a child with their genetic input?

I would suggest you search out the presentations of children of surrogacy and listen to their stories. Maybe you will start centering the child’s needs.

I have no words for these men that wouldn't get deleted but I don't think anything good about them.
How else do people who are gay have a baby?
Or should they be banned?
Leave it to us straights?

Disagree with OP and well said @Ella28_.

100% agree with you OP. That poor baby.

No idea if you're straight or not for clarity, was meaning it from my point of view and experiences

@moofolk they had the poor woman with them all the time during the pregnancy now baby is here no sign of her. was chatting to a friend about this and she said it was mentioned a while ago by one of them that the surrogate mother would be ‘staying away for 6 weeks’ I wonder what logic is behind that or simply as they don’t want her near the baby in case they have to face up to the fact that it’s actually her baby (so baby settles better with her for example). Sad situation

Gay men are not entitled to use the body of a woman to make a baby for them, just like a straight couple isn’t. Surrogacy should be illegal for all.

Accept that two men can't have babies?

Women's bodies shouldn't be for sale and neither should babies. And I don't care if the 'intended' parents are gay or straight so please don't make out I'm homophobic thanks.

My heart is breaking for Aoife who has given away her first baby to her famous brother
Why?! You've presumably never met her so have no idea of background, feelings etc.
Just projecting yourself onto her

Not a pretty picture. I see a baby rooting for her mother's breast in danger of suffocation. Poor child, just so these two men can have a plaything

@ToGanymedeAndTitan why are you so adamant that gay men are entitled to a newborn baby? They aren’t. The baby should come first and that means baby should be with it’s mother. Obviously this is very hard on gay men who would love to be parents. But they aren’t entitled to ignore the biological innate reality of what a baby needs. If anything it establishes them as a bad parent from the get go as what is best for baby comes after what they want.