Celebrity surrogacy - find this a bit heartbreaking

[Nowyouwillfeel]

Irish ‘celebrity’ couple with a new baby via surrogacy. The surrogate was one of the couples sister. They have put up pictures and stories all delighted and excited but I just see raw emotion on the mothers face in the second picture and in their stories the baby is clearly rooting for her mothers breast. I have a two month old who always does this and honestly it’s breaking my heart seeing the baby search like that while the dad doesn’t even notice and that she isn’t with her mother. They took the baby home before the mother was discharged and she is nowhere to be seen.

seems so unfair on both baby and the mother who doesn’t have any children of her own.

instagram.com/bprdowling?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Sorry, trying to read all comments for the answer but struggling with lack of sleep.

If his sister is the surrogate, why does he say this:

None of this would have been possible without our donor, a woman we have never met or even seen a picture of but has given us the GIFT OF LIFE.

Or have I missed something

Yes I thought so, too.

I know my concept and grasp is fairly primitive. Not sure what ignited me in this, I think it was the initial comments about breast feeding because I'm so sad about my three experiences of my attempts at it

I love my kids so so so much and they love me too. They don't mind about the breast feeding, but I do.

I'm imagining they used a donor egg, his sperm and the embryo went into his sister?

I don't know how the policy can be made robust but I'm interested in anyones ideas

l’ll save you the trouble. It can never be made robust. There is no possible way to create a framework that adequately protects all three parties. It has to be accepted that one or more of the three parties will sacrifice - or have sacrificed for them in case of the baby - rights to appease the other parties. So when I ask how to create a framework, it’s a flippant way of asking whose rights do you want to prioritise and sacrifice?

That no framework is possible to protect all parties equally is why surrogacy should be banned in all circumstances.

is that nature

Yes! Unfortunately it is! Have you never watched a natural history documentary on the tv? Nature is full of truly awful things as well as wonders.

If someone can't have a baby biologically and are unable to adopt or foster or otherwise fill the parent role it's more sad than I can convey with words.

Children aren't an entitlement though. They aren't an inalienable right. As horrible and blunt as it might sound, sorry.

@MightbeMaybe

I would have IVF I don't think it's immoral

Nature is cancer too, would you refuse treatment?

But it can and does work in some circumstances

I would do it for my sister.

“Everyone deserves the chance to be parents.”

No they don’t, what a ridiculous, selfish notion.

So very well said

Completely agree, and with you OP, 100%.

No that post was not agreeing with you, I was clarifying my incredulity at you stating that the difference between the wonderful act of surrogacy and human trafficking is loving intentions and a familial relationship of some sort with the surrogate,

To be clear I think that is absolutely bonkers! There is no difference at all and I just don't have the adequate words to cover it but... just no.

Show me the wealthy famous sibling having a baby to give to their unknown one and I'll believe that there is a relationship of equals where coercion plays no part. But it's never rich successful women having babies for poor people is it, always the other way round.

I find threads like this quite triggering. I've never been held by my mother, I've turned out totally fine and never think about it until I see things like this.

I'm not even going to address this other than to say that you keep drawing the subject farther away from the initial point of surrogacy. Cancer discussions have no place here. Don't derail the topic with even sillier rubbish than you've already come out with, it's tedious for everyone who is here to discuss in good faith.

Again, it only works when by sheer luck and statistical likelihood means nothing goes wrong. And not a single case of surrogacy can be deemed to have worked until the child has grown up and suffered no ill effects from not being with their mother.

You’d do it for your sister, but you can’t predict what will happen. What if you fall out and don’t speak, like the two sisters I know?

@wentoschool ah yes! I just noticed it's donor, not surrogate. Makes much more sense now. Thank you!

Wow how can you work in the field and say this. Fuck me!!!! My birth mother knew I was going for adoption, she made the choice not to see or hold me. Same with the other children my parents adopted. Pls do not use such false statements!

@Ella28_ not the baby’s mother ! Are you serious ? How can someone be born without a mother in the first place ?? Omg the world has gone crazy !!

@Ella28_ apologies just reread it was donor not surrogate !!

None of this would have been possible without our donor, a woman we have never met or even seen a picture of but has given us the GIFT OF LIFE

Let's not forget, that in surrogacy, a child often has at least two, if not three mothers: Birth, biological, legal. In this case, the egg giver, or the biological mother, IS NOT KNOWN. This baby may never meet her, despite having half her DNA. There's a loss there as well. There are biological things we share with our children that are not nurture, but pure nature. Also, with egg donation, there's another entire biological family unknown to the child, possibly additional siblings unknown to each other. It's an ethical minefield and I think surrogacy creates additional questions and concerns when donor eggs are used.

It's the baby that matters.

I agree it should be banned, as it is in most countries.

"everyone deserves the chance to be parents"

I couldn't disagree with this more.

Children have rights.

Surrogacy robs DC's of their rights.

Separation is a known cause of later in life mental illness.

It is harmful.

It is child abuse.

So yes, it should be illegal, just like other forms of child abuse.

No one's desire to parent overrides this.

I’ve met (through my job) several families who’ve had babies with Ukrainian surrogates. None of the ones I met could give a shiny shit about the well-being of the mother. From the couple who insisted the surrogate had no pain relief to the ones who were really angry that they couldn’t be there at the birth due to an emergency caesarean being needed. No interest in the mother’s well-being once the baby was in their hands, job done, baby’s ours now, off you pop back to your war zone.

I have experienced an entire pregnancy, birth and postpartum period. Multiple times. My second child was born and rushed immediately to NICU. I didn't even get to look at him, or touch him. He didn't get to root for the breast, or listen to my heartbeat, or smell my familiar scent. He was taken from me before I even know what he looked like - because it was medically necessary.

Was that cruel for my baby? To save his life over letting him hear my voice or root for my breast? What you're saying is that children who aren't allowed to go immediately to the birth mother are somehow inferior and given less than babies who are born safely and placed in their mothers arms.

Let me tell you, there is a LOT MORE to being a mother than growing and birthing that child. That doesn't automatically make you a parent. Have a fucking heart. Be a fucking human being. If I had a choice between being born to parents who didn't want me and couldn't care for me vs parents who longed for me and desperately wanted me and would love me unconditionally as I suspect Brian and his partner will, I know what I'd choose.

This entire thread is absolutely diabolical.

@NotBadConsidering

You’d do it for your sister, but you can’t predict what will happen. What if you fall out and don’t speak, like the two sisters I know?

Did these two sisters go through surrogacy? Or are you suggesting you only know two sisters and they happen to have fallen out?