Celebrity surrogacy - find this a bit heartbreaking

[Nowyouwillfeel]

Irish ‘celebrity’ couple with a new baby via surrogacy. The surrogate was one of the couples sister. They have put up pictures and stories all delighted and excited but I just see raw emotion on the mothers face in the second picture and in their stories the baby is clearly rooting for her mothers breast. I have a two month old who always does this and honestly it’s breaking my heart seeing the baby search like that while the dad doesn’t even notice and that she isn’t with her mother. They took the baby home before the mother was discharged and she is nowhere to be seen.

seems so unfair on both baby and the mother who doesn’t have any children of her own.

instagram.com/bprdowling?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

I just realised I didn't go to school with him it was another person with the same name from Ireland

Two sisters, one did surrogacy for the other, now they don’t speak because of the circumstances and outcome of that arrangement.

I would do it for my sister.

And have you thought through the implications of you dying or being disabled by the pregnancy/ birth? The baby having a life limiting condition, what you would do then? Have you children of your own, how they would be affected by the above?

It's easy to say nice things, but surrogacy involves many potential pitfalls and I wonder if people truly prepare for eventualities.

@MightbeMaybe

Em I think you'll see I'm not here to discuss rubbish but I'm open minded, receptive and polite

Your spiel about nature is non applicable if you agree with some forms of nature that suit you

I already told you about the father and so has everyone else. Brian is the biological father and the other man is his partner. They will raise the child as their own.

In other surrogacy couples the baby is either
An egg or sperm donation and related by genetics to one part of the couple

Or not related by genetics as it's an embryo created by donor sperm and egg, you know a baby is made don't you? Nature.

So. Onto the father, he is biologically related.

Using your argument of adoption; is that nature then as the child is biologically related

Don't patronise or me or query my intellect. Nobody else has and you are not a special case. I'll just ignore you and then there will be nobody chatting to you if you don't want to have an open willed conversation, the other posters have posted fair answers and considered the logistics and ethics they have been asked: so you should do the same, other wise there is nobody for you to converse with.

It should be illegal. It's utterly heartbreaking and horrifying.

Huge consideration isn't it, that's where I mentioned abortion earlier in the thread that I couldn't do it unless I were to die as I have other children OR if the baby were to suffer horrendously and in agony.
My sister and I would be on the same page on this.

I was terribly sick in all three pregnancies with HG and kidney problems. I would still take this risk for her. If the pregnancy developed into a life changing situation for me or the baby then I would think my sister and I were on the same page as each other.

But it's really a consideration with other pregnancies

I can't believe there are women on this thread supporting child trafficking and the renting and commodification of women's bodies just so that men get what they want. What on earth is wrong with you?

I was terribly sick in all three pregnancies with HG and kidney problems. I would still take this risk for her.

And what about your own children if you didn't make it? It suffered life limiting injuries of your own?

im amazed at all tne posters here who are ignoring the attachment the baby has to it’s mother in the womb and when it is born! the poster saying of course a baby should be with it’s mother but in this case there are two dads so it’s not applicable!! Wow just wow. That’s some proper mental gymnastics there - if you airbrush the woman who created and gave birth to the baby out of the picture as she’s a surrogate mother then a baby magically hasn’t been removed from its mother.

unfortunately the poor baby only knows it’s innate instinct to be with its mother not the obfuscation of language trying to hide reality used here.

This ^ But seems like there’s a bit of an echo chamber going on in this thread!

@NotBadConsidering

Yes I know and that would be really terrible. It's also something I would have to consider but I have the fortune of it being a hypothetical situation, basically so I guess it's easier for me to throw my ideas around

I am anti abortion for my circumstances. I don't like it. But then again I've never had an unplanned pregnancy.

But if it were another woman who needed an abortion due to being raped etc or if that happened to me then I would want the abortion to be available, in which case it would be said I am "pro choice"

So using this as my rationale and having considered your well thought out and respectful responses I would say that I am

"Against surrogacy" on the principle that it doesn't work for lots of people for lots of reasons and it's unethical in many cases

It's been really good food for thought talking to you. I've enjoyed the challenges and I've also enjoyed seeing your perspective on a really tough subject

I never usually engage in these threads, I don't feel bright enough. It's interesting how I feel I've come rather full circle because I was pro until I've thought about extra circumstances.

Thank you for your time, it's been really nice. I usually post under cult kid, but I changed names as I thought I knew the guy!

I hope to join a thread again soon. I'm going to research more into this.

Again to the other previous posters I've really enjoyed the chat. It's been good company for me through my horrible horrible nightmares and lack of sleep. I'm now going to go to bed for a sleep as the kids are sorted and the baby is asleep. I also found my ear plugs

@MightbeMaybe loved the discussion with you as well, really interesting and definitely I will look into things more

Take care x

From the couple who insisted the surrogate had no pain relief

Wow that's diabolical

The trouble is the way you've written it reads that if you don't breast feed or your baby goes to scbu (like mine) or NiCu or any other reason then you're a bad mum/ person

Is your issue with the breast feeding, the gay, the surrogacy? What is it?

I'm going to nap but I'll come back later to chat honestly interested to hear what you think

I know what you mean, op. I remember when my daughter was born and if someone had taken her away from me, I think it would have actually killed me.

I wasn't able to breastfeed but just holding her close was the best feeling. Can't imagine how Aoife felt when the baby was taken.

Everyone acknowledges circumstances where it’s unavoidable to separate a baby from its mother. Surrogacy is deliberately planning to do this. No one is critical of anyone, including you, who was a victim of circumstances beyond your control.

Is your issue with the breast feeding, the gay, the surrogacy? What is it?

Im not the poster, but the issue is surely taking the baby away from the mother and everything it's ever known.

Obviously if the baby needs NICU, that's also the case, but it's temporary and to save the child's life. They will be returned. With surrogacy though, you create a child in the full knowledge you're doing that. We don't do this to puppies , so why human babies?

It will be very interesting in 20 years or so when a lot of these now infants become adults and share their stories ....... I wonder if they'll be grateful to their birth mothers for being "gifted" to celebrity parents?

I personally think it is a legal form of human trafficking and we really need to stop letting celebrities glamourise the whole heinous process. I say this because a close friend was adopted, and it's been an absolute headfuck for them. They had a decent childhood with their adopted parents but always knew that they were adopted, and have spent most of their adult years frantically trying to locate either birth parent - but have found nothing. They've admitted several times that they wish that they've never been told because of this burning hole it leaves

When I saw this thread, I wondered how long it would take before the word "ripped" was used, and yes, predictably after a few posts, the baby was "ripped" from its mother.

I had twins. One went to HDU. While I recovered from the c-section, my sister bottle-fed the other baby. Neither baby seemed to care they were "ripped" from me. I believe that the baby is happy once it has love, care, affection from a primary caregiver (not necessarily the bio mum).

All these posters taking about "buying a baby" or "a baby being created to order" appreciate nothing about how delicate IVF is. There's no buying a baby, since there's no guarantee you'll ever bring home a live baby. You don't just walk into a clinic and there's a baby ready to buy. You try and try, maybe a dozen times (I did 10 IVFs) and may suffer losses in the way. Many give up on the process before they bring a live baby home. "Buying a baby" completely undervalues the process.

The only part in this I'd have concern about, is that Aoife does not already have her own children.

The baby will be loved, fed, nurtured and absolutely fucking fine so everyone needs to chill out.

My son was loved, fed, and nurtured from the moment he was born. He is not absolutely fucking fine because he was removed from the only mother he had known and given to strangers. He still has his birth mum in his life in an "auntie" kind of capacity through direct contact. But the trauma is real and should not be dismissed.

Agree with this.

“We don't do this to puppies , so why human babies?” no, we force animals to get pregnant and then sell their offspring for profit.

I believe everyone should be able to be parents if they want to and have help whether that's fertility treatment, adoption or surrogacy. Having seen the heartache of miscarriage and still birth with my close friends and family, I would be a surrogate for them in a heartbeat as I want them to experience the joys and love of being a parent that I have been lucky to have with no issues.

I don't see the issue, it was consensual from all parts. The baby will be cared for, by two loving parents and an aunt.

I always think the whole surrogacy = human trafficking/should be ilegal thing is dramatic and only something I've ever saw on MN.

Babies root, my 4 month old roots even now to everyone, even if he's just been fed - its an instint they grow out of.
Do you find it heartbreaking if any other formula fed baby roots? What's the difference?

A baby being separated from its mother at birth is a recognised trauma.

Willingly inflicting trauma on a newborn baby for one's own desires is self centred in the extreme.

Surrogacy is unethical, whether you look at it from the child's perspective or the mother's.

making a statement like "surrogacy should be illegal" alienates a lot of people and is a dated view point (in my opinion).

ummm. No. Making surrogacy illegal is not ‘dated’.

In fact, the more research that is done with the children born of surrogacy the more people are waking up that there are children who suffer significant mental health issues because of these arrangements.

The more the negative impacts on the mother who is carrying that child are publicised the more people are actually campaigning to make it illegal: from being left with a child because the parents didn’t want the child anymore, or because those parents have used the body of a women in a country where doing this means she can feed her own children at the significant risk of her own health and well being, to a woman dying due to the pregnancy because every single pregnancy is a risk.

As far as ‘fertility equality’ for two males to have a child created for their needs is concerned, having a child as a male couple is not a right. And fuck no, females should never be exploited so two males can have a child created for them. There are ways to have a child in the family if that family has two male parents, and those ways involve children already born being given loving homes.

This discussion that all people deserve to have a child created for their needs is solely focused on the needs of adults and never considers the child. The growing testimony of children who are the focus of these arrangements is starting to be heard. It is time we listened.