Please can someone explain like I’m 5

[Justdontgetit000]

I’ve name changed for this.

I feel very weird about the trans issues lately, something feels “off” but I can’t put it into words. I’m pretty left wing, very pro-choice, I consider myself a feminist.

I “hang around” online with others who have similar beliefs to me mostly, they are the ones I find myself agreeing with and wanting to defend. So I feel like I know where I am with most topics. Then on a forum I lurk on, someone got banned for saying they don’t want to be referred to as body parts. The person who started the thread (who is also a mod) said that when discussing Roe v Wade we can’t just say “women” we also need to say AFAB or “womb/uterus owners”. If we don’t our posts will be removed. I don’t post on there anyway so doesn’t affect me, but it rubbed me the wrong way.

I can’t articulate why, I feel like I’m in a place mentally where I SHOULD be fine with this because of all my other beliefs. Does that make sense? Yet I felt angry reading this. I don’t want to be offending people simply for using the word “women”. Then I feel guilty and like I’m transphobic?

I want to say I have no issues with any trans people, in that I’d have nothing but love and support for a friend for example who was trans, and would never ever be rude to or abusive towards trans people. Yet I get the feeling my mixed emotions towards all this would get me called a TERF. I know what that stands for but don’t really understand the term, I know a little of JK Rowling and her situation and I read that she got some awful messages after her controversial tweets, and that scares me. So I’d only talk about this anonymously.

Can anyone help me figure out, in a very basic way, what is happening in my mind and perhaps point me in a direction where I can learn more? I’ve tried to look for threads like FAQs about this issue but can’t find any.

Thanks for reading!

I forgot to add this, I looked on YouTube for anything that might help me and found this comment which just seems weird to me.

These posts always make me chuckle.
You don't have an opinion of your own.
Form one by yourself. Don't ask to borrow one.

Ok thanks, that’s helpful. I have a lot of respect for the women of this board and thought it might help me to work through what I’m feeling.

Just forget I asked, seriously.

Will try to get the thread deleted.

Boys have a willy, girls have a fanny, anyone can play with any toys they like. And it's way past your bedtime.

This is the thread that you want.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/3145470-Break-it-down-for-me

And how do you form an opinion? By asking questions and educating yourself, which is exactly what op is doing here.

Op taking you in good faith, the break it down for me thread a pp linked is a great start, but also just lurk and read the threads on here, you'll soon figure out what's what.

Please report me, Mn will verify I’m a very long time (and boring) poster on here, don’t know how to get across that I’m genuine.

I feel like a right idiot now 😩 Genuinely wanted to have a discussion and/or be pointed in the direction of any further info. I feel like I shouldn’t have even asked, honestly just feel like a twat.

Sorry if I’ve offended anyone.

Thank you very much! I appreciate that a lot. I will read and watch that thread so I’ve got it saved and will get this one deleted. I really am sorry I annoyed people.

Why would I report you 😅 I'm just having a bit of fun with the literal meaning of your Reddit-influenced terminology and how it plays out in this context

Appreciate your reply, you are kind! Thank you for not being icy towards me, I can’t explain how pathetic I feel right now lol.

Yes am going to read the “break it down” thread and will possibly hang around on here but maybe not, that thread looks amazing and is probably all I need to get some more info.

Oh ok, I get you! Sorry am a bit over sensitive after that first reply I got and misunderstood 🙈 Please ignore me! And I really liked your reply, it did seem to sum everything up!

Yes, this is the 'FAQ' equivalent.

Your OP seems to have a lot in common with many that have been started before.

It really does help to put into words exactly what it is you're asking, otherwise you're unlikely to get a helpful response other than signposting you to other threads. If you really can't articulate, then digging into threads might make something click into place.

You don't understand about a derogatory term that's bandied about a lot and you've heard a little about JK Rowling yet you are on a forum dedicated to this very topic - the place is awash with posts about all and any of it and you want people here to figure out for you what it's about and what is going on in your mind.

Chill. There's loads of us — socially liberal leftwing feminist women, environmentalist, pro-choice, anti-racist, anti-colonialist, anti-homophobe, practically perfect in every way by Guardian metrics — suddenly finding out in recent years what it's like to be considered one of the Bad Evil Oppressors. It can be psychologically destabilising if you built a lot of your identity around being a modern, tolerant, progressive person. You get used to it.

I think these people (can I call them that?) are bullies. They claim to be more enlightened than anyone else and act morally superior. They are excellent at playing the victim and the bully simultaneously. Why are you treading on eggshells? Do you think these people really care about identity issues or are they using them as a launch pad for their ego trip?

It's ok to not have stuff figured out and I'd say pick your forums where you can truly be yourself. You shouldn't have to come here to revise your answers before entering 'the exam.'

And I'd say talk to people you don't agree with. Scrutinise each others arguments with grace and learn to live in a democracy not subjugate yourself to the fragile cancel culture that scrutinises your every move and shouts "off with their head!"

Thanks for replying. That thread is brilliant and I already feel I’ve learned something I didn’t know.

I’ve just noticed more and more lately that the term “women” isn’t being said! I keep seeing and hearing “pregnant people” a lot, and as mentioned AFAB, “uterus havers”. Yet if I were to voice any objection to that online I’d be ostracised and probably called a transphobe. So I feel like I have to keep that part of my opinion shut off and silent. It’s just a weird feeling I guess of feeling like I’ve got a controversial opinion among “friends”, and can’t be myself fully. And I can’t figure out WHY I feel like this because I don’t hate trans people and am most definitely not homophobic/racist/sexist. It’s just a confusing feeling.

What are you saying? Do you think I’m disingenuous? Not sure how to prove I’m not. All I can say is I feel very very small for asking, a bit of a tit, and like yes I SHOULD know more and why I feel like this. I’m not the best with words and am socially awkward and this includes online too which is why I lurk most places. MN is one of the places I feel safe to post, and I like this board and find the women on here intelligent, knowledgeable and thought it was the best place to explore all this. Regretting that now!

Omg how the fuck did you get right inside my brain?! 🤣 This is EXACTLY it. Said much more eloquently and with far fewer words than me. Thank you!

Hi OP,

do you read the Guardian?

I clicked through to some letters on the topic of women's sports today and at the bottom of the page got the Guardian's regular appeal for subscription/support.

There was something odd about the latest wording... Here, have a look at the screenshots below.

I really appreciate your reply, thanks for being so kind and understanding that some of us don’t have it all figured out, and the best way to do that seems to be to ask! And be open to learning.

I love your last paragraph, that hits home. I think it’s time to be brave and have a voice maybe in these places where they might not like what I have to say. I think I asked on here first as well because I want to know what I’m talking about, I don’t want to be a loud uneducated idiot.

“Scrutinise each other’s arguments with grace” - love that.

Hi yes I sometimes read the Guardian. Haven’t read this though til just now. It’s as if someone challenged the person to write about a predominately female affecting issue, without once using the term “women”, “girls” or “females”! It’s so bizarre and this is exactly what I’m talking about. It feels weird but we’re not allowed to say it feels weird. I’d actually be scared to voice these feelings with my real identity, even anonymously on my usual forums is scary.

Don't regret posting or feel silly asking.
Often on here, people start a thread with little to no posting history in bad faith, it's designed to get screenshots for the TRAs on Twitter, so naturally posters are cautious when threads like these pop up. I did exactly the same thing as you and got some similar responses, I didn't understand why until I had been here a while and seen it for myself. Don't take it personally.

Anyway stick around, lurk, join in, ask questions, it's all part of learning and it's a very complex topic with many facets.

Yes. If any women are giving them their money after this, well, more fool them. It's, as you say, entirely deliberate and we do need to call it out and point it out to our friends.

Macy Gray has insisted that "changing body parts" doesn't make someone a woman. I say , Same applies to a penis being made does not make a body male.
It is a biological lie.

Did you know that when a mans penis is removed, the root still stays with all the nerve endings and it hurts when aroused, Also the Designer Vagina never heals and has to be padded all the time to stop it healing closed.