husband called me a terf 😡

[3kidsandcounting2022]

Dd 8 had always preferred playing with boys and most of her interests aren't things her other peers dont like or understand. She has been saying she wants to be a boy for a while now and my response is that she can't be and she cant wear and play with what she likes.
She wears clothing from the boy section and she can play with anything she wants. Anyway dh is under the impression that she is transgender and we need to support her with it.
Long story short we had a massive row that ended in him calling me a terf.
I honestly dont know what to do :(

I'm sick of all this trans, non binary crap. She is a tomboy, a tomboy, it's normal, she doesn't have to be girly and like girly things it doesn't make her trans.

Why are so many people jumping to this trans conclusion, it has become a sickness in the world. Brainwashed.

I'm so angry and children's lives are being ruined as they look to adults to guide them but they're being lied to. It feels like a parallel nightmare of a world.

Yes there is a definition.
Transgender: of, relating to, or being a person whose gender identity differs from the sex the person had or was identified as having at birth.

Ask him to listen to Benjamin Boyce on youtube. Lots of information and interviews from people who made the change.

Tabby and Really I agree, my point was to not tell her she can't be something so directly she will no doubt argue. That argument is for when she is much older than 8. My DS at 8 wanted to be an astronaut - I didn't say no, let him dress as one etc. He grew out of it and the OPs DD may too.

I was just trying to point out that's it's a red rag to a bull with most kids when you say they can't be something.

She's a girl. As such she's entitled to be interested in whatever interests her, style her hair as she wants it, wear whatever she's comfortable in.

Explain to her about chromosomes. XX cannot become XY, ever. Mention that some people try to change their bodies to fit in with their preference to be the opposite sex, but that causes health problems and, sadly for those who want it, can never succeed.

And gently introduce some feminist concepts. Most of all, don't panic. If you're calm and practical, she always has somewhere to come with her thoughts.

A minor (legal child) can be trans, I know several teenagers who are. Again, trans doesn’t necessarily mean you will transition as an adult. Many trans people do not transition because they do not identify as the opposite gender, but are non-binary. I agree 9yo is too young to know for sure, but it cannot be ruled out.

Discovered:

I don’t think that, sorry. An adult can transition legally but a child can’t (although they might have the protected characteristic because they propose to transition). And I don’t believe there is any such innate state as ‘trans’. I believe (respectfully) that it is something you do, not something you are.

‘Transgender: of, relating to, or being a person whose gender identity differs from the sex the person had or was identified as having at birth.’

And gender identity is?

I disagree. It is important to be truthful here. Not one person on this earth can change sex. OPs daughter needs to know this.

listen to the female detransitioners who transitioned thinking they could ‘change sex’ or even feel male and then realised they couldn’t and then had to deal with the ramifications. Because they had been led to believe things that were not in fact, achievable.

It starts here.

It starts with the statement that it is impossible to change sex. It starts with helping her to understand she doesn’t have to change sex to do things she wants to do. And if she wants to dress in stereotypical boys clothes and have a ‘boys’ haircut, she can certainly do this.

I told my mother numerous times I wanted to be a boy, she was honest and told me I couldn’t. But she didn’t stop me dressing how I wanted to or doing the things I wanted to do (would be considered ‘boy’ things by today’s standard.).

I think it's cruel to tell children they can change sex.
From watching stories of detransitioners when they grow up, they feel the same.
They were sold a lie.

Again, you don’t have to transition to be transgender. I am not saying children can transition, just that they can be transgender.

It's cruel to promise the impossible, it's easy, lazy parenting where the credit falls on the parents and the consequences fall on the child.

We don't tell children with disabilities it will magically fix, their mental health is better if there is acceptance and moving on. This is no different. He'd be daddy popular telling his disabled child that of course they'll walk again. Who is that actually good for?

Gender identity definition:
”a person's internal sense of being male, female, some combination of male and female, or neither male nor female”

There are over 50 options beyond "male" and "female" for users to describe their gender identity, from "gender questioning" and "neither" to "androgynous."

oh, and if you are unsure as to the definition of any other words here is a link to the Merriam Webster dictionary:
www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary

‘Again, you don’t have to transition to be transgender. I am not saying children can transition, just that they can be transgender.’

I don’t believe in the concept. I believe gender dysphoria is a psychological state. I believe an inner ‘perception’ of one’s preference towards being or expressing oneself as the opposite or neither sex is just a facet of personality.

‘There are over 50 options beyond "male" and "female" for users to describe their gender identity, from "gender questioning" and "neither" to "androgynous.’

I don’t believe in any of these things. They’re attributes of personality or feelings to me, and fluid, not innate.

If someone can prove the site of the existence of an innate gender identity, I’d be interested. But I don’t believe in it.

How do you feel like a female?

Do you know what book he's ordered?
Do you know where your daughter got the idea she can change sex? Be watchful for pressure/affirmation, however well meaning, at school, from her friends, etc.
All the best to you all.

Your daughter is a tomboy. She’s a girl who likes stereotypically boy things… it doenst actually make her a boy.

How have things gotten so regressive that unless a girl likes dresses and baking she must be a boy. It’s sad.

Also, if my husband called me a terf my vagina would be drier than the Sahara desert and I would no longer find him attractive. He would never ever touch me again and I would have him in the separate bedroom. I would divorce a man who would think it’s ok to tell my child she can change sex.

Hi OP, my daughter is 12, depressed by puberty related changes, and has convinced herself she is trans.

So she is now waiting around, dreaming of getting her breasts lobbed off in six years and taking testosterone in four (as per the age limits that apply where we live).

I hated my breasts too at her age, but I had to find a way to make peace with my body because nobody was holding out the hope for me that I could 'change sex'. Thank goodness they didn't.

Transgenderist propaganda has condemned my daughter to a miserable limbo. I'm searching desperately every day for ways to help her make peace with her body as it is.

Moral of story: your husband is an utter fool. Don't let him mess with your daughter's mind and future. Good luck!

Agree to read his book, if agrees to read yours (Helen Joyces Trans).

My DS at 8 wanted to be an astronaut - I didn't say no, let him dress as one etc. He grew out of it and the OPs DD may too

big difference. Your ds could have been an astronaut, had he not grown out if it. A real, proper, on a rocket to the moon astronaut.

yes it’s an ambitious dream, but it still is possible.

i can tell my dc every day they can be an astronaut, a vet, a lawyer, a farmer, all are possible with determination and some good career choices. If not no harm done.

massive, massive difference to letting a child believe they can change sex. They can’t. Even if they don’t grow out of it, it is not possible.

and if they do believe it and make choices to try and make it happen, huge harm to their bodies.

Yes there is a definition.
Transgender: of, relating to, or being a person whose gender identity differs from the sex the person had or was identified as having at birth.

I can never wrap my head around this definition.

You've got two things

1. Gender identity (a feeling)
2. A sexed body (material reality)

These are not the same thing are they? So surely they must always differ?

Plus there's no actual evidence that people have a "gender identity" so it doesn't work well as a definition.

What is the site of personality or feelings then? There is no site for those and yet you believe in them?

‘What is the site of personality or feelings then? There is no site for those and yet you believe in them?’

They’re not innate. They develop and can change. Hence I don’t believe in ‘trans children’. Their psychology is still in formation and no aspect of it can be regarded as stable enough to say they ‘are’ anything. You can only say they feel something at that time (which is fine).

I can accept that being trans is a feeling of incongruence between a person's sex and their self-perceived gender identity, combined with a belief that gender identity is a real thing, and that it should somehow align with sex. This seems a very convoluted set of thoughts for an eight year old child to have, though.