Are the wife and children really fine?

[DancingBarefootOnIce]

A man I used to be close friends with recently came out as a transwoman on Facebook. I was a bit surprised as when I knew them in their 20s they were just a typical man. They’re now mid 30s and married to a woman with three children.

Anyway in their post the second sentence was something along the lines of “Don’t worry my wife and children are fine”. I’ve seen it before in stories like this or when someone comes out as gay.
It’s almost like there’s going to be an accusation of homophobia or transphobia if they’re not alright with it. It just doesn’t feel right. If my partner or father came out with something like that it would change so many things in thinking about past relationships etc.

If my husband came out as trans then I'm most likely going to leave him. It may be for him and I'd accept that but I don't think I'd want to be married to someone who's trans, sorry but I just don't think I would. That doesn't make me transphobic, it just confirms my herosexuality surely

*hetro

@ElaineFuchs

Maybe this woman's wife is bisexual or pansexual?

I think it depends what you mean by "not alright with it".

If you mean that her wife and children might be troubled by their exposure to societies transphobia (for instance being bullied at school for having a transgender mum) then that's a valid concern. The UK is home to some terrible transphobia.

If you mean that her wife or children might be themselves bigoted towards her, then that would be transphobic and should rightly be called out as such!

(And just to help prevent this being misinterpreted, I wouldn't consider it transphobic for a straight woman to want to end a romantic relationship with a trans woman who's recently found herself).

Congratulations to them all!

Good fucking grief.

So ‘not being alright’ with it can basically only be predicated on a fear societal reactions/transphobia?

The emotions of the other people involved are irrelevant then? Any sense of shock, betrayal, anger, the sheer cognitive dissonance of realising your entire marriage is based on a big fat lie would be considered transphobic? Because god forbid families should express anything other than wholehearted support and understanding when a trans person puts a bomb under their lives.

“Congratulations to them all” Yeah, no pain or complication or shattered lives here - everyone’s just fucking smiling and clapping. Or so we’re supposed to believe.

Plenty of adult children have written about how disturbing and distressing it was when their father 'became a woman'. Personally I think it is an incredibly selfish thing to put a child through.

If you mean that her wife or children might be themselves bigoted towards her, then that would be transphobic and should rightly be called out as such!

So all dumped wives and children have to just sit back and make no comment in case it upsets the deserter?

@ElaineFuchs, if you want to post in FWR, you have to follow the rules like everyone else.

C*s is not a term permitted here because it’s disrespectful of GC women. We don’t have gender identities to align with our sex, we are women by virtue of being born female.

Reciprocally, the commonly used acronym for isn’t permitted because transwomen have objected. Y’know, the diminutive of Timothy.

@Tubs11

If my husband came out as trans then I'm most likely going to leave him. It may be for him and I'd accept that but I don't think I'd want to be married to someone who's trans, sorry but I just don't think I would. That doesn't make me transphobic, it just confirms my herosexuality surely

I think there's a subtle difference here. If you'd leave your spouse for the sole reason that they are trans, then that's transphobic. HOWEVER If you leave them because they are not a man (and you're a hetero woman) then that's obviously fine. If you leave them because the pressure or stress of transition disrupts the relationship, then that's very sad, but not transphobic. Leaving a trans partner is not by-default transphobic.

Just because people are bound to misinterpret this: I fully reject the notion that anyone should stay in a relationship they don't want to be in.

What a prince actually posting this on FB. It should be a private thing but yet again it is all about him/her and his /her happiness.

elaine you have been.asked repeatedly not to use the work " cis"

There's no such thing. Gender is an unverified verbal declaration ams belief system. No one can identify in or our if sex, sex based oppression and illness etc

A luxury belief and first world problem.

@JudgeJ

If you mean that her wife or children might be themselves bigoted towards her, then that would be transphobic and should rightly be called out as such!

So all dumped wives and children have to just sit back and make no comment in case it upsets the deserter?

Yes, this exactly what I believe and have said many times. They owe their mother faithful reverence at all time, day or night she is right about 100% everything.

@MariaOnCorrie

What a prince actually posting this on FB. It should be a private thing but yet again it is all about him/her and his /her happiness.

Strong "the gays are ok, but they should keep it to themselves" energy

@ElaineFuchs this comment goes for anyone posting extremely intimate matters on FB that affect other people.

Still nothing to say on the real homophobia which is telling girls that lesbians can have a penis?

I would leave my husband if he was trans, but that doesnt make me transphobic and its idiotic to suggest it would. I fell in love with my husband, a man, with certain personality traits and physical characteristics. If my husband decided he was in fact a transwoman not only would my entire marriage be based on a lie which I would find very traumatising and hard to forgive, he would be rejecting the personality and charcter traits and physical characteristics that I found appealing.

There is no other senario where a partener finds out their entire relatioship is based on a sham and they have been lied to and is expected to just grit their teeth, smile sweetly and be fine with it.

Just because you wouldn't be fine, it doesn't mean they're not. I'm sure your friend knows her partner and kids better than you do.

And stop making the link between being gay and trans people.

In fact homosexuality and trans ideology can't really exist together can they?

How can you have sexuality at all of its based on gender not sex?

How can a hetero sexual couple actually be gay?

Its not the same thing at all.

[quote MariaOnCorrie]**@ElaineFuchs* this comment goes for anyone* posting extremely intimate matters on FB that affect other people.[/quote]
Almost everyone advertises their gender on facebook, why is a trans person saying it "extremely intimate"?

Strong "the gays are ok, but they should keep it to themselves" energy

What on Earth was that? You keep on with that forced teaming, don't you?

@Toomanyradishes

I would leave my husband if he was trans, but that doesnt make me transphobic and its idiotic to suggest it would. I fell in love with my husband, a man, with certain personality traits and physical characteristics. If my husband decided he was in fact a transwoman not only would my entire marriage be based on a lie which I would find very traumatising and hard to forgive, he would be rejecting the personality and charcter traits and physical characteristics that I found appealing.

There is no other senario where a partener finds out their entire relatioship is based on a sham and they have been lied to and is expected to just grit their teeth, smile sweetly and be fine with it.

I know first hand several relationships in which this has happened without any issue at all. Nobody thought that the relationship was based on a sham to my knowledge.

You are of course free to end a relationship if someone's personality changes or if their physical attributes change; I don't think that's inherently transphobic.

@SamphiretheStickerist

Strong "the gays are ok, but they should keep it to themselves" energy

What on Earth was that? You keep on with that forced teaming, don't you?

I don't understand what you mean by this.

Maybe some people would be ok with it and good for them

Personally I’m attracted to men and typically tall, muscley with beard types so no I would not stay married to someone who wanted to present as a woman

That doesn’t make me transphobic it just makes me straight ✌🏼

@incognitoforthisone

Just because you wouldn't be fine, it doesn't mean they're not. I'm sure your friend knows her partner and kids better than you do.

Agree

@Changemaname1

Maybe some people would be ok with it and good for them

Personally I’m attracted to men and typically tall, muscley with beard types so no I would not stay married to someone who wanted to present as a woman

That doesn’t make me transphobic it just makes me straight ✌🏼

Exactly! Agree

Almost everyone advertises their gender on facebook, why is a trans person saying it "extremely intimate"?

Would that be because Facebook insists? Oh yes! It asks about Gender, not sex. And you can't leave it blank.