Are the wife and children really fine?

[DancingBarefootOnIce]

A man I used to be close friends with recently came out as a transwoman on Facebook. I was a bit surprised as when I knew them in their 20s they were just a typical man. They’re now mid 30s and married to a woman with three children.

Anyway in their post the second sentence was something along the lines of “Don’t worry my wife and children are fine”. I’ve seen it before in stories like this or when someone comes out as gay.
It’s almost like there’s going to be an accusation of homophobia or transphobia if they’re not alright with it. It just doesn’t feel right. If my partner or father came out with something like that it would change so many things in thinking about past relationships etc.

@Gumbomambo

Nice that he mentions them as an after thought in the last sentence. They might be absolutely thrilled with it but as Elaine illustrates they may also be absolutely unable to say anything whatsoever in case they are dragged through SM as filthy transphobic bigots. Read the TWidows threads and show me a single woman that hasn’t had their lives turned upside down, their voices taken away and been forced into a position they have absolutely no say in.

Lol "read the thread curated from stories from X group and show me a single person not in X group". Can't you see that that thread is a biased sample?

Could somebody explain pansexual to me? What other sexes are there to be attracted to? Hetero= opposite sex, homo=same sex and bi= both sexes so where does pan feature?

@Polyanthus2

(And just to help prevent this being misinterpreted, I wouldn't consider it transphobic for a straight woman to want to end a romantic relationship with a trans woman who's recently found herself).

What a kind and generous person you are.

Thanks :)

Please bear in mind though that as a cis person, it's not really my place to say something isn't transphobic for sure. The voice of the trans community should speak with much more weight than mine in this case.

Some might be fine with it, but I'd be curious as to how 'actually' fine they were vs pressure to keep the family together, to not appear bigoted or whatever- I suspect the acceptance of this is not made in isolation.

@TedMullins

Maybe they are fine, maybe they’re not. I don’t think it’s up to anyone else to speculate how they should or shouldn’t be feeling. There is no ‘right’ way for someone to feel if this happened to them, despite some people seemingly wanting the wife and kids to be traumatised and not accepting any other possibility.

Nobody 'wants' the wife and kids to be traumatised.

But a man suddenly insisting that his wife and kids refer to him as 'she', 'her' and 'mummy' is a change that to be honest, was not in the original agreement when they married and fathered children.

Elaine - you need to stop saying “cis”. We aren’t a sub category of women, we are women. Thanks.

@334bu

Could somebody explain pansexual to me? What other sexes are there to be attracted to? Hetero= opposite sex, homo=same sex and bi= both sexes so where does pan feature?

I guess it's an attraction to people regardless of gender. There's a broad overlap with bisexuality, and some might consider pansexuality to be a subset of bisexuality.

@DownWhichOfLate

Elaine - you need to stop saying “cis”. We aren’t a sub category of women, we are women. Thanks.

Do you object to every adjective in front of "woman"? Like "stop saying 'tall', tall women aren't a sub category of women, we are women"?

@334bu

Could somebody explain pansexual to me? What other sexes are there to be attracted to? Hetero= opposite sex, homo=same sex and bi= both sexes so where does pan feature?

I think it is someone who is sexually attracted to frying pans, saucepans, Peter Pan and pancakes, but I could be wrong.

Bloody hell ElaineFuchs, you've swallowed it all hook, line and sinker.

You’re referring to a group who don’t need an adjective. We just are women. Grouped by biology. All of us women regardless of our individual qualities.

This is what wives and children of transitioners have to say about this.

www.transwidowsvoices.org/

childrenoftransitioners.org/

Tall/short etc isn't a sex class. Women is a sex class. Tall doesn't reduce when to a subset of their own sex class.

Do not re define us in an.ideology we don't believe In. Its highly offensive .

@TheMarzipanDildo

“Maybe this woman's wife is bisexual or pansexual?”

I’m bisexual, and I don’t think I’d be fine with it. That’s a lot to process. The transformation itself (with hormone injections and surgery depending on the person, and all the trouble that goes along with that). And possibly the sensation of being parodied/mimicked. Worries about AGP.

Or if they have gender dysphoria, the fact that someone you love for who they are doesn’t love themselves like that. That’s quite sad, I would imagine.

It's true that it might be a huge life event, and like any such large event might carry stress and pressure.

By the way, Blanchard's AGP theory has been discredited, so there's no need to worry about that xoxox

Definitely quite sad to know that a loved one is suffering.

I think it depends what you mean by "not alright with it"

There’s a difference between being fine with people being gay or trans in general and being fine with your partner coming out as such. I mean it’s not unreasonable that you’d feel lied to and feel your whole relationship was a sham.

I wouldn't be OK with it. Live and present as you want but I do not agree with telling children there is an internal feeling that makes you a woman. It is faith based and is not reality. Unlike religion (usually) not believing leads to abuse and accusations of bigotry

But sexuality is to do with sex not gender. A man attracted to a female sexed person but doesn't care how that person identifies themselves, is still heterosexual as it is the sex of the person to which they are attracted.

By the way, Blanchard's AGP theory has been discredited, so there's no need to worry about that xoxox

The more men try and 'discredit' Blanchard the more they seem to prove it.

Weird that.

Small point, I am not sure you know @TheMarzipanDildo well enough to xoxox them though. Seems a bit disingenuous. And a bit 'forced teamish'.

From what I gather from friends and colleagues who have came out as trans women , no , the wives and children have not been fine . But don't have any say in whether they are deemed "fine".

They may be ok with it, they may not. The 'don't worry' seems a bit dismissive.... if I was a friend of the family, I wouldn't necessarily take this at face value, I'd want to check with the wife and kids themselves and not via social media. I'd want them to know there were people they can talk to if they're not fine.

I find this idea of "inclusive" sexuality disturbing. Dating/sex is by its very nature ^exclusionary" you exclude 99.9999 percent of the population. Sometimes 100 if you aren't with anyone or want to be qitg anyone.

There's no need to impose ideology onto sexuality at all. It's irrelevant.

"Phwoar look at that hot gender identity at the bar" said no one ever

@Whatwouldscullydo

I find this idea of "inclusive" sexuality disturbing. Dating/sex is by its very nature ^exclusionary" you exclude 99.9999 percent of the population. Sometimes 100 if you aren't with anyone or want to be qitg anyone.

There's no need to impose ideology onto sexuality at all. It's irrelevant.

"Phwoar look at that hot gender identity at the bar" said no one ever

Hahaha, maybe nobody's ever said that to you! (jk, jk)

@AlisonDonut

By the way, Blanchard's AGP theory has been discredited, so there's no need to worry about that xoxox

The more men try and 'discredit' Blanchard the more they seem to prove it.

Weird that.

Small point, I am not sure you know @TheMarzipanDildo well enough to xoxox them though. Seems a bit disingenuous. And a bit 'forced teamish'.

I mean, Blanchard didn't even have a control group. I'm not sure any conclusions can really be drawn. For all we know cis women react in exactly the same way as trans women...

It wasn't disingenuous, I'm happy for them that they can stop worrying about this.

Women was a perfectly adequate word until men tried to muscle in on it. So let’s stick with that and the man can prefix away to describe themselves.

Well I don't have a gender identity.