Are the wife and children really fine?

[DancingBarefootOnIce]

A man I used to be close friends with recently came out as a transwoman on Facebook. I was a bit surprised as when I knew them in their 20s they were just a typical man. They’re now mid 30s and married to a woman with three children.

Anyway in their post the second sentence was something along the lines of “Don’t worry my wife and children are fine”. I’ve seen it before in stories like this or when someone comes out as gay.
It’s almost like there’s going to be an accusation of homophobia or transphobia if they’re not alright with it. It just doesn’t feel right. If my partner or father came out with something like that it would change so many things in thinking about past relationships etc.

Your intersexual friend may wander around wrapped in a winding sheet wearing a deep sea diving helmet but all you have to do is lift up that sheet and you will be able to tell your friend what sex they are.

That might help them.

This thread is nuts.

Is Rebecca Root still a bloke called Graham? Or is she a bloke called Rebecca who identifies female?

@Movingonup22

Well it’s never a transman coming out being happily supported by his husband is it???

I know several trans men who are happily supported by their husbands. People change during the course of their lives; sometimes relationships survive this, sometimes they don't. It's up to the individuals involved who know better than anyone, not for the internet to get on its high horse and start judging and assuming. Even if a marriage ends when one party comes out as trans, doesn't mean it's abuse or even that it's acrimonious, marriages end sometimes when differences become insurmountable. That's a natural part of life.

I didn't leave my exH because he was trans. He physically and emotionally abused me for a decade until I finally left and went into a refuge.

As soon as I left he came out as trans and told everyone (including mutual friends and my family members) that our marriage hadn't worked out because he'd always known he was a woman. He'd never told me he was trans, but he did wear women's underwear and nightwear and liked to be called by a particular women's name at home for the last few years of our relationship. He told people that he hadn't meant to be violent and abusive but he was so frustrated and felt so trapped that sometimes he couldn't help it.

He was lauded as a hero and so, so brave for finally finding the courage to be his authentic self. I was left to get on with it, including by my own siblings who remained friendly with him and went NC with me. Apparently I could have done things more amicably and been more understanding. His mother wrote to me to tell me I should have stood by him and let him do 'his thing' and my going into a refuge had tarnished his reputation.

The wives are not alright.

I can’t see how many wives and children would be fine.

If my husband came out as transgender to me and our children I would be utterly heartbroken and feel incredibly betrayed it’s not because I’m transphobic, it’s because I’ve married, had children with and devoted my life to someone who should have loved me enough to save me from the hurt and confusion this big secret would inflict on us.

For example, Phil Schofield. I really like him on the tv. But to come out at gay after marrying and having children with his wife must be utterly heartbreaking. She’s spent how many years of her life contributing to and making a family unit, and now she has to watch the man who looked her in the eye on their wedding day and made his vows, move on with his life as a gay man. - which leaves her where? Does she move on too? She’s just spent the best part of her life in a lie, that must be really hard.

@SevenWaystoLeave - i acknowledge your personal experience - if there just as many middle aged women coming out and as identifying as trans men why do you think media is always about trans women?

[quote Movingonup22]@SevenWaystoLeave - i acknowledge your personal experience - if there just as many middle aged women coming out and as identifying as trans men why do you think media is always about trans women?[/quote]
Because that's the focus of the current moral panic.

@SeIky

I didn't leave my exH because he was trans. He physically and emotionally abused me for a decade until I finally left and went into a refuge.

As soon as I left he came out as trans and told everyone (including mutual friends and my family members) that our marriage hadn't worked out because he'd always known he was a woman. He'd never told me he was trans, but he did wear women's underwear and nightwear and liked to be called by a particular women's name at home for the last few years of our relationship. He told people that he hadn't meant to be violent and abusive but he was so frustrated and felt so trapped that sometimes he couldn't help it.

He was lauded as a hero and so, so brave for finally finding the courage to be his authentic self. I was left to get on with it, including by my own siblings who remained friendly with him and went NC with me. Apparently I could have done things more amicably and been more understanding. His mother wrote to me to tell me I should have stood by him and let him do 'his thing' and my going into a refuge had tarnished his reputation.

The wives are not alright.

@SeIky Oh no, I am so sorry, I really felt that reading your post, you've really been traumatised all over again haven't you. Women are so cruel to each other, standing on other womens bodies to support men. Anything, anything to support men. I keep reminding myself this is 2022. It feels more like the 1950s. Actually, worse than that because back then, women wouldn't step on their own grandmothers just to pander to mens feelings. Woman had a sisterhood and kinship solidarity with each other even if unspoken. What happened to you was sick, twisted and inhuman. It's an example of how deeply brainwashed would can be to support the misogynist patriarchy. They'll eat their own sisters, like zombies. Women now, as someone other poster recently said, are worse off than we were in the 1950s. Our rights have gone backwards. Not forwards.

In the family I know where the man transitioned, the wife and teen sons were definitely NOT fine. But she would probably have said they were.

However the child I know who was born into and lives with a family that includes a trans woman seems very fine, as far as I know from knowing them socially.

@Selky
I'm sorry you went through this .💐

Oh hello more evidence that the people who most want to make it hard for trans people to come out at an early stage in their lives so they can be authentically themselves as early as possible, also want to shit on trans people who have come out much later in life because they live in a society that still forces people into the closet for years and years.

@ElaineFuchs

It's hard to believe that people here are really saying that discriminating against someone purely because of the color of their skin isn't racist. Now I really have seen it all.

Of course, you can exclude who you like from your dating pool. But that doesn't stop excluding people just because of their race being racist. You're free to exclude all trans people, but excluding people because they're trans is transphobic. You can't have it both ways.

Isn't everything transphobic?

@TeaKlaxon

Oh hello more evidence that the people who most want to make it hard for trans people to come out at an early stage in their lives so they can be authentically themselves as early as possible, also want to shit on trans people who have come out much later in life because they live in a society that still forces people into the closet for years and years.

@TeaKlaxon Once again more evidence that you are incapable of reading and comprehending. If you read this thread you would see it's about the transwoman silencing the wife and children and speaking for them and claiming they are 'fine' when they're not.

@TeaKlaxon

Oh hello more evidence that the people who most want to make it hard for trans people to come out at an early stage in their lives so they can be authentically themselves as early as possible, also want to shit on trans people who have come out much later in life because they live in a society that still forces people into the closet for years and years.

They can do as they like when they like, but they don't get to compel us to play along with their delusion. A man, no matter how he dresses or presents himself, is not and never will be a woman, even with all the plastic surgery and cross-sex hormones and twirly skirts they can buy.

How can they be really?
I strongly feel that if there are children, the very least you can do is wait until they are older before satisfying your fetish or dysphoria as it's unfair on them & also their mother. It's much more difficult to leave a marriage while caring for young children, parfticularly if you have no independent income.

@TeaKlaxon

Oh hello more evidence that the people who most want to make it hard for trans people to come out at an early stage in their lives so they can be authentically themselves as early as possible, also want to shit on trans people who have come out much later in life because they live in a society that still forces people into the closet for years and years.

I knew it would all be the womens' fault somehow.

Pesky women. All of us. How dare we.

@SevenWaystoLeave but the media articles are overwhelmingly about how these men transitioning is without problem - the point of this whole thread??

The media line is about how wonderful it is without downside. So my point is why then are there not also the same amount of articles about how wonderful it is featuring middle aged women transition to be male!

Oh hello more evidence that the people who most want to make it hard for trans people to come out at an early stage in their lives so they can be authentically themselves as early as possible, also want to shit on trans people who have come out much later in life because they live in a society that still forces people into the closet for years and years

What is really shit is entering into a marriage contract based on a lie. They always had a choice to not do that part even if they felt they couldn't come out.

"Once again more evidence that you are incapable of reading and comprehending. If you read this thread you would see it's about the transwoman silencing the wife and children and speaking for them and claiming they are 'fine' when they're not."

But no one here knows if the wife and children are fine or not.

And why is saying 'X is fine' silencing them? Have the wife and children lost all access to social media? Are they unable to speak up if they think they're state has been misrepresented?

The problem here is that people expect that everyone else will froth at the mouth as much as they would at encountering a trans person. Actually, for plenty of spouses of trans people, either the relationship survives, or it doesn't but ends amicably. And of course any adaptation in a relationship can be difficult, and an end of a marriage is obviously difficult. It may well be that the wife and children went through a lengthy period of not being fine but have come out the other side and now are fine.

Honestly, the number of people on here who consider that they know people's lives better than they do themselves is staggering.

"I knew it would all be the womens' fault somehow.

Pesky women. All of us. How dare we."

Of course I didn't say that. But why let facts get in the way.

Gosh my bingo card has filled up several times over

Frothing
Intersex
Moral panic

Are we hysterical too or have i missed that?

@Whatwouldscullydo

Oh hello more evidence that the people who most want to make it hard for trans people to come out at an early stage in their lives so they can be authentically themselves as early as possible, also want to shit on trans people who have come out much later in life because they live in a society that still forces people into the closet for years and years

What is really shit is entering into a marriage contract based on a lie. They always had a choice to not do that part even if they felt they couldn't come out.

That assumes they knew when they got married that they were trans. Of course many trans people come to that realisation at a young age, but others come to it later, particularly those who have had to suppress those feelings or simply never had a name to relate their feelings to.

@dworky

How can they be really? I strongly feel that if there are children, the very least you can do is wait until they are older before satisfying your fetish or dysphoria as it's unfair on them & also their mother. It's much more difficult to leave a marriage while caring for young children, parfticularly if you have no independent income.

Exactly but as they're men, they lack the self-sacrificing instinct a woman/mothers have. Generally men will always put their own needs before the needs of their own children, and that's what these transwomen are doing; putting themselves first and their children last. Very very rarely would women ever do that.

To me fine means coping with it and trying to adapt. It means they haven't disowned her, not that they are delighted about it.

It doesn't mean marriage isn't over or wife isn't upset that her partner is not who she thought or that children don't have a lot to deal with.

Or if they have gender dysphoria, the fact that someone you love for who they are doesn’t love themselves like that. That’s quite sad, I would imagine.

That's a very interesting comment I haven't considered before.

You love your husband for who they are, in the body of what they are; my husband's exact personality in a female body for example would be a brilliant friendship, but not an intimate relationship. Not saying the man turns into a female body, obviously, but it would be very hard your DP genuinely hated something so fundamental about themselves that they seeked to destroy it.

It would be very