I don't want to add my pronouns at the end of an email, but I can't explain why...

[MrsPsmalls]

Just that really. NHS and we've been encouraged by people who have had 'training' to add our pronouns. I'm a woman and mine are she her. I could do this but I don't want to. I said as much to the inclusivity person. She actually works for me and inclusivity is an add on to her regular job. She said I should as it makes it easier for trans people who want to add theirs. Should I just do it? Obvs she can't make me as I am her manager, but I have created unpleasantness. I don't care how I'm referred to and have never been wrongly pronouned!

Offer to declare your chromosomes instead.

I like
'my pronouns are sex based, like my oppression'

I’ve had people repeatedly misspell my name in emails. Despite the signature on the bottom of my email and my email address having my name on it.

So I doubt very much my pronouns would be correctly used.

Altho I have never had occasion to need to use a persons pronouns in email!

@Itsanewdah

You don’t have to add them of course. However, if you don’t express what your pronouns are, you also can’t complain if somebody uses pronouns you don’t like. So swings and roundabout really, and it’s absolutely your choice, but others around you aren’t mind readers either.

? Many of us don’t care what pronouns people use about us in the first place? What a bizarre “warning”. I don’t give a rat’s arse about pronouns, why would you assume I’d be offended if someone used a pronoun I “didn’t like”?

@foxgoosefinch i’ve heard more than one office temper tantrum about people being called he/Mr if they saw themselves as she/Ms, and the other way round. So tell me if its important to you! If not, who cares.

@Itsanewdah

it’s absolutely your choice, but others around you aren’t mind readers either

You're quite right, because most people use visual information or someone's name in order to guess someone's pronouns, not telepathy.

Obvs she can't make me as I am her manager, but I have created unpleasantness.

You didn't create any unpleasantness, OP.

You feel bad because women are conditioned to be kind and comply with societal expectations and because it's natural to empathise with the less fortunate.

This pronoun initiative is pitched as a way for people who don't care about pronouns to signify solidarity and support for people who do, on the basis that people who care about pronouns are less fortunate and therefore more deserving of accommodation to others' detriment.

Inclusivity initiatives such as this often weaponise misogyny to railroad women into feeling guilty for having boundaries. Most women don't even notice it so they get caught up in complying as that's just what you should do to be kind.

Don't feel bad at all for having boundaries, OP - you're just as entitled to boundaries as anyone else, and it's worth reminding yourself every so often that you don't want to do this and you shouldn't be forced to do something you're uncomfortable with against your will.

As others have said - you don't need to explain your decision. Saying you don't feel comfortable with it should be enough. Women shouldn't be expected to require a vast knowledge of a practice before they're entitled to say no to it, so don't feel guilty or wrong for not being able to articulate why your answer is no - the 'no' part is the important bit and they should be respectful of that.

@EarthSight name definitely only works in a very narrow cultural background, appearance at least online isn’t much better with dodgy internet. Even in person it doesn’t work that well in more creative areas (my line of work). i appreciate every hint if its important for people that i get it rights (literally all complaints i have heard came from cis men and women who didn’t like being misgendered)

I wouldn’t either

[quote Itsanewdah]@EarthSight name definitely only works in a very narrow cultural background, appearance at least online isn’t much better with dodgy internet. Even in person it doesn’t work that well in more creative areas (my line of work). i appreciate every hint if its important for people that i get it rights (literally all complaints i have heard came from cis men and women who didn’t like being misgendered)[/quote]
How do you know they're 'cis'? A word I abhor BTW.

@MrsTerryPratchett they told me. We talk ;) I like cis, so I use it. They use the descriptor, so its ok with them. I like pronouns, so I use it. I don’t know if you are cis or trans, and I wouldn’t assume. It doesn’t matter and the end, you are who you are.
If you don’t want to use the terms, I respect that, but I also expect you to respect my choices.

[quote Itsanewdah]@EarthSight name definitely only works in a very narrow cultural background, appearance at least online isn’t much better with dodgy internet. Even in person it doesn’t work that well in more creative areas (my line of work). i appreciate every hint if its important for people that i get it rights (literally all complaints i have heard came from cis men and women who didn’t like being misgendered)[/quote]
Do you refer to people as ‘cis’?

Ie when talking to them or others

As long as you never apply it without someone's express, freely given consent. But it's imposed a LOT.

[quote Itsanewdah]@EarthSight name definitely only works in a very narrow cultural background, appearance at least online isn’t much better with dodgy internet. Even in person it doesn’t work that well in more creative areas (my line of work). i appreciate every hint if its important for people that i get it rights (literally all complaints i have heard came from cis men and women who didn’t like being misgendered)[/quote]
@Itsanewdah

'All complaints'

That makes it sound like people in your line of work are regularly being deliberately 'misgendered' in order to upset them, in a sort of pathetic, childish, 'hehe, aren't we so clever' attempt to get them to capitulate to what you think is right.

Those people who don't like being misgendered are probably opposed to be inaccurately sexed, especially in order to prove a point or to make them believe in things they don't.

@EarthSight i would never use a term somebody doesn’t use for themselves.
And I work in a multicultural organisation - names are pretty useless in identifying gender, hence the frequent, only half joking “ ahh, its Mr xyz / Ms abc again”. Most of us use pronouns now, makes things easier. Nobody has to, but please don’t moan if I get it wrong, especially with more unusual names. I’m not english, how am I supposed to know that Ciaran is “he” or “willow” is usually “she”.
And I have no idea about my coworkers sex. I don’t ask for dna or inspect genitals. Not that sex actually matters in the workplace.

Nobody asks me to wear a cross at work to make it easier for Christians . Adding my pronouns implies a belief system I don’t have.

literally all complaints i have heard came from cis men and women who didn’t like being misgendered

I wouldn't like to be misgendered as 'cis' either, so I can see their point.

I'd complain too if someone tried to assume my gender and label me as 'cis' without checking with me first - it's so disrespectful to think they know how I feel inside my head from the way I look and behave.

@LonginesPrime i repeatedly stated that I checked. We actually talk to each other. They use that term, I can use it. Talk to each other about pronouns, descriptors etc, and life will be much easier with a lot less offense.

Not that sex actually matters in the workplace.

Well, I mean workplaces are usually populated by adults, many of whom are of childbearing age or menopausal, etc, so I think it matters a little bit.

[quote Itsanewdah]@foxgoosefinch i’ve heard more than one office temper tantrum about people being called he/Mr if they saw themselves as she/Ms, and the other way round. So tell me if its important to you! If not, who cares.[/quote]
Really?!? I’ve had a range of jobs in all sorts of workplaces for the last 25 years and never once heard of anyone throwing such a temper tantrum as you describe. What kind of workplace are you in?

The use of cis makes me feel excluded - why does my exclusion count for less??

Why should you be forced to “make life easier for trans people “?? What a strange reason.

[quote Itsanewdah]@LonginesPrime i repeatedly stated that I checked. We actually talk to each other. They use that term, I can use it. Talk to each other about pronouns, descriptors etc, and life will be much easier with a lot less offense.[/quote]
I'm actually finding it very difficult to believe that someone entirely happy with cis, and chatting about pronouns, and happy gender discussions is going to get pissed off because they were missexed accidentally. Sorry but that sounds bollocks.

@Theeyeballsinthesky

The use of cis makes me feel excluded - why does my exclusion count for less??

Me too

I don’t see why women’s feelings can’t be considered

Nothing I add to my email signature will change how anyone else identifies, nor should it. What's more, if someone can't figure out from my name and image that I'm female, I view that as their problem. I legit don't care if I get referred to as the wrong pronoun. People who think including their pronouns will somehow make their lives easier are free to do so, but I'm not a therapist and making them feel better about that choice isn't in my job description.