Can someone please explain this to me?

[Becca19962014]

Please don't flame me. I'm in a really bad place, mentally and physically, a huge amount to deal with and zero medical support.

I was directed to email someone at the council for urgent help which I did, and it went though (sometimes they don't). I began my email with "Dear Ms" as it was a woman and always address emails as such, like letters, and on the council website it says she's Ms firstname second name.

Anyway, I've had a long email back about discrimination, how i need to educate myself about pronouns online and how to address people properly in writing. They drew my attention to their signature which says gender pronoun her/she and directed me to council policy about gender discrimination.

Zero advice on my urgent situation

I dont understand. Do I now just put "hi" in any professional emails so I don't get in trouble? Why aren't they answering my urgent question?? Was I rude? How am I supposed to know how to address people properly and why am I being accused of discrimination?!

Pretty simple explanation- that person is a nutter.

What is it you want from them? What I'd do depends on that.

Main thing to take away from that is that you're dealing with someone who is not inclined to help you, or anyone else.

Find another contact - given that I'd be inclined to go up a management level, I would suggest. Someone's not doing their job.

Don't get distracted by what the details of what ever their problem is - concentrate on yourself.

Can you find an email for the next person up the line? Ms Firstname Lastname's manager? And all that person what you've asked here?

Did you just write "Dear Ms" by the way? Or "Dear Ms Firstname Lastname"? If it was the former, it's odd - but crucially not rude or discriminatory. You took the title from the website - what else are you supposed to do?

Pretty simple explanation- that person is a nutter.
This.

Also you used a correct form of address. Did she say what she wanted to be called? How rude. This person should not be in a role where they are in contact with the public. Or indeed, other humans.

Contact your local councillor and ask them to raise it with the appropriate officer of the council that a) that the response was completely inappropriate and b) that your query still hasn’t been dealt with.

Escalate this immediately she is not doing her job

I'm facing eviction, on Monday first thing; I've been threatened and harassed by my landlord. Shelter no longer allow you to queue for a call to be picked up and their website won't work on my very old device. This is the emergency contact. I needed their help today they don't work Friday's.

@leafinthewind I wrote "Dear Ms Lastname" not just Ms! I thought using her first name would be impolite perhaps I should have done both.

I’d put in a complaint against her.

I don’t actually understand what she’s objecting to either if you say her pronouns said she/her on the email.

This is bizarre. I would agree to contact a councillor for help and show them the email chain.

I'd screenshot the council website that gives her name as Ms for a start.

She doesn't say what she wants to be called, just referred me to her signature, and, policy. Her signature says

Ms firstname secondname
Work address
Work phone

Pronoun her/she.

I can't find her managers details. To be honest I'm in such a spin due to what's happening it's really hard to concentrate due to it triggering a mental health crisis - not why im posting here, I just didn't understand what I did wrong and thought you might be able to help. Now I feel like I can't contact anyone in case I get their title wrong.

@roopy770

I’d put in a complaint against her.

I don’t actually understand what she’s objecting to either if you say her pronouns said she/her on the email.

That's what's confused me!! Websites are always totally uptodate I get that so if I went to her signature and it had another pronoun I would have understood but this I don't.

I'll escalate.

Thankyou for helping me. Seems silly now to have gotten so upset about it!

Please don't feel that way or let this utterly bizarre woman stop you from continuing to seek help. Address any future emails in the normal way that you have always done.

You haven't done anything wrong.

It's really important to say that clearly again to you. You've been unlucky to encounter this odd woman with her incredibly rude and unhelpful response. She is failing to do her job properly.

Becca, I don’t blame you for being upset and don’t think you are being silly about it at all. It sounds like a stressful time, exacerbated by the fact that they don’t open tomorrow and you turned to someone who is meant to help, for help, and instead received a nonsensical lecture which could have been dismissed with an eye roll if the actual help was there too, but it wasn’t. I hope it all works out ok for you.

Her job is to help you. Her job is not to go on her own personal crusade, what arrogance is on show here! When you have got your housing situation in a better place, I would definitely raise a complaint as this person was extremely unprofessional.

@ClumpingBambooIsALie

I'd screenshot the council website that gives her name as Ms for a start.

Do Council websites use titles?

For contacting employees it's usually a generic email to the department. For councillors they are usually all designed as "Councillor"

The offices are still closed here so no face to face help and o struggle with phones in a crisis, of all the replies I expected, that was not one!!

I will, when I can, raise it.

Thankyou for understanding!!

I'd make a complaint against her too.

Even if you'd accidentally addressed her as Mr, she's no business trying to educate you about bloody pronouns when she's supposed to be doing her job and helping you in an emergency situation.

Please don't let this oddball put you off contacting them again. Sorry about your situation, I hope you can get through to someone to get it sorted.

What @VerveClique said. Even if you have messed up and committed a faux pas, the more appropriate way to deal with it would have been to answer your query and then add a "just for your information" bit explaining the problem. The way they've dealt with it is just unprofessional.

@KimikosNightmare our council website does. I looked under housing and emergency officer and those were the details there. They are going over to generic but that's via an online in house system on their website that wouldn't load on my device.

Ive followed others advice and screenshot the page!

You are dealing with a nutter but play the game to get their help. So go in with

Dear Jane Doe

I do apologise for referring to you as Ms Doe but as I am in a difficult situation, was not thinking clearly and did not mean any offence.

As this is an urgent situation…..

Maybe this will appease them and you get the help you need and then put in the complaint about the inappropriateness of the initial response.

Are you sure that auto correct didn’t change Ms to Mr? Not that it excuses her ridiculousness but it might explain what is otherwise un fathomable.

Either way I would still escalate, she is paid to do a job, and you needed her help, not a bloody lecture.

I’m sure you will have already tried Shelter or Citizens Advice web pages? I find CA to be really good at explaining legal issues.

I'd understand if I had made a mistake, like I said websites aren't always uptodate and would have apologised had they just mentioned it to let me know.

But instead I got an odd rant.

I didn't even get it wrong

...when you work for the council you get a lot of experience of coping with people calling you all sorts of things, often very loudly, and of still providing them with polite, proper service as you're employed to do.

Please do ask for someone else, and if you feel up to it later on then do report it. This person doesn't sound like they're a good choice for a public facing role, particularly when supposed to be there to help people in the kind of crisis you're handling